Read Online Shatter (St. Martin Family Saga) by Gina Watson - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Gina Watson
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up. One of his professors had said that Logan’s mind was like an active volcano—constantly churning. It was certainly churning now. But he still wasn’t catching on.
He hopped down from the bar stool and started pacing the length of the kitchen. And then, just that quickly, he had it. He whirled toward his father, hands fisted in his hair, and his father sat there calmly sipping his Coke and nodding, silently confirming Logan’s suspicions.
With a hoarse voice Logan said, “For fuck’s sake, I’m almost thirty years old! All those years of feeling like an intruder, an outsider , like I was forcing myself on you and your family, and I could have felt accepted had you cared enough to tell me, cared enough to open your mouth just once. Shit.” He fisted his hands, hoping that would keep him from striking out. “Why the hell bother to tell me now?”
“Catherine had wanted me to tell you. She wanted to tell you right after we adopted you, when she noticed you feeling that way, as you say, like an outsider. She’d said it was wrong of me to not tell you and that I was only thinking of myself. Catherine has always been stronger than me. She never once considered herself in all of this. She became so angry about how I handled it all, she left. There were other issues surrounding our separation. The business caused me to spend long periods of time away from home and then of course the affair and well… it was the nail in the coffin as they say.
“Of course she was right.” He wiped at his face with his hand. “I was worried about scandal. If word were to get out about the affair people would talk. There was the contracting business and I had a family and your adoption to consider. Back then I didn’t figure it would matter so much, and we all loved you and accepted you, so I’d thought with time you would come to consider us your family.”
“I didn’t know you were family!” Logan’s voice was louder now. “Sure, I was yours in the courts, but an obligation is one thing, DNA is quite another. There are more freedoms afforded to one over the other. I couldn’t exactly let it be known if I were unhappy with my situation.”
“I guess you’ve noticed your mother and I are together again. She wanted me to tell you. Hell, I’ve wanted to tell you for so long.” He took a swig of his soda. “Were you so unhappy, son?”
“No. Never.”
He wasn’t unhappy. He was trying to come to terms with the fact he’d lost something he’d never be able to get back.
“You guys were great, but I longed to belong in a way…I wanted to fit in with my brothers, be part of a clan. Be a natural part of…” He waved his hand to encompass the house and the property and everything that stood for the St. Martins. He’d wished again and again for the brown hair and the blue eyes. He hadn’t wanted the stigma of his parents’ murders to constantly surround him, but it had. His brothers had mollified him and still did at times. The entire community had handled him like Belgian lace, and he’d been treated differently from the others. He’d wanted to be treated the same, to get into trouble the same way. To be corrected the same way. To be a real St. Martin. Whenever he’d been in trouble, it was always dismissed as something Logan was working through. Logan knew they were not to blame for the way they treated him; anyone would do the same for a kid in his situation. And they’d done the best they could. But he’d always wanted more. And less. He’d wanted to be just one of the St. Martin boys.
“It’s time to put it out in the open.”
His father’s baritone voice made Logan jump. He gasped, “What? You can’t be serious.”
“We have to.”
Logan feathered his hands through his hair. “No. Why would we do that to the family, now, after all this time?”
“I want to make it right for everyone involved.”
“Let me clarify something for you—you said the situation was scandalous at best. You said
He hopped down from the bar stool and started pacing the length of the kitchen. And then, just that quickly, he had it. He whirled toward his father, hands fisted in his hair, and his father sat there calmly sipping his Coke and nodding, silently confirming Logan’s suspicions.
With a hoarse voice Logan said, “For fuck’s sake, I’m almost thirty years old! All those years of feeling like an intruder, an outsider , like I was forcing myself on you and your family, and I could have felt accepted had you cared enough to tell me, cared enough to open your mouth just once. Shit.” He fisted his hands, hoping that would keep him from striking out. “Why the hell bother to tell me now?”
“Catherine had wanted me to tell you. She wanted to tell you right after we adopted you, when she noticed you feeling that way, as you say, like an outsider. She’d said it was wrong of me to not tell you and that I was only thinking of myself. Catherine has always been stronger than me. She never once considered herself in all of this. She became so angry about how I handled it all, she left. There were other issues surrounding our separation. The business caused me to spend long periods of time away from home and then of course the affair and well… it was the nail in the coffin as they say.
“Of course she was right.” He wiped at his face with his hand. “I was worried about scandal. If word were to get out about the affair people would talk. There was the contracting business and I had a family and your adoption to consider. Back then I didn’t figure it would matter so much, and we all loved you and accepted you, so I’d thought with time you would come to consider us your family.”
“I didn’t know you were family!” Logan’s voice was louder now. “Sure, I was yours in the courts, but an obligation is one thing, DNA is quite another. There are more freedoms afforded to one over the other. I couldn’t exactly let it be known if I were unhappy with my situation.”
“I guess you’ve noticed your mother and I are together again. She wanted me to tell you. Hell, I’ve wanted to tell you for so long.” He took a swig of his soda. “Were you so unhappy, son?”
“No. Never.”
He wasn’t unhappy. He was trying to come to terms with the fact he’d lost something he’d never be able to get back.
“You guys were great, but I longed to belong in a way…I wanted to fit in with my brothers, be part of a clan. Be a natural part of…” He waved his hand to encompass the house and the property and everything that stood for the St. Martins. He’d wished again and again for the brown hair and the blue eyes. He hadn’t wanted the stigma of his parents’ murders to constantly surround him, but it had. His brothers had mollified him and still did at times. The entire community had handled him like Belgian lace, and he’d been treated differently from the others. He’d wanted to be treated the same, to get into trouble the same way. To be corrected the same way. To be a real St. Martin. Whenever he’d been in trouble, it was always dismissed as something Logan was working through. Logan knew they were not to blame for the way they treated him; anyone would do the same for a kid in his situation. And they’d done the best they could. But he’d always wanted more. And less. He’d wanted to be just one of the St. Martin boys.
“It’s time to put it out in the open.”
His father’s baritone voice made Logan jump. He gasped, “What? You can’t be serious.”
“We have to.”
Logan feathered his hands through his hair. “No. Why would we do that to the family, now, after all this time?”
“I want to make it right for everyone involved.”
“Let me clarify something for you—you said the situation was scandalous at best. You said
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