one
with anyone other than Luke. I have and always will love him, but he’s so
messed up and he messes me up to.
No.
I am staying in
control this time.
I close my eyes,
and try to calm myself, it isn’t messed up, it’s just an affair and so many
people have them…
But it’s more.
I am Luke’s mistress .
I hear the unfamiliar ring of my new
phone in my bag and my heart beats harder and I try not to look, I try not
answer, I try not to jump to his command, but I do and see that it’s a text.
Turn your phone to silent
I do as he tells
me.
I am back in
Luke’s shadow but as I see the kids approach, somehow I have to step out of it.
I can’t do this I type, you were right, it’s too… I think of me found cuffed, I think of a
wet bed that almost was, I think of everything that is at stake, I understand
now what he said that day in the car park and I understand now what he meant,
well a little.
He is bad , he is dangerous …
I stare down at
the phone, I will myself to hit send, to end it, to just stop now while we can.
But I can’t.
I don’t hit
send, I put the phone back in my bag, I smile at the kids, I wave to Natasha
and Gina as I drive past, I wind down my window and tell them that yes, I’ll
see them tomorrow at the gym and I think of my bruises…
And I talk and I
smile and I make dinner and help with homework, but every chance I get I hide,
I peek under my watch, or I lift my bracelet and I see the bruises, the
evidence, it takes six to nine days for a bruise to fade, what does he mean,
he’ so cryptic, I am back trying to work out his dark mind again, the shame is
fading, the want is already building….
I am back in
Luke’s shadow again.
with anyone other than Luke. I have and always will love him, but he’s so
messed up and he messes me up to.
No.
I am staying in
control this time.
I close my eyes,
and try to calm myself, it isn’t messed up, it’s just an affair and so many
people have them…
But it’s more.
I am Luke’s mistress .
I hear the unfamiliar ring of my new
phone in my bag and my heart beats harder and I try not to look, I try not
answer, I try not to jump to his command, but I do and see that it’s a text.
Turn your phone to silent
I do as he tells
me.
I am back in
Luke’s shadow but as I see the kids approach, somehow I have to step out of it.
I can’t do this I type, you were right, it’s too… I think of me found cuffed, I think of a
wet bed that almost was, I think of everything that is at stake, I understand
now what he said that day in the car park and I understand now what he meant,
well a little.
He is bad , he is dangerous …
I stare down at
the phone, I will myself to hit send, to end it, to just stop now while we can.
But I can’t.
I don’t hit
send, I put the phone back in my bag, I smile at the kids, I wave to Natasha
and Gina as I drive past, I wind down my window and tell them that yes, I’ll
see them tomorrow at the gym and I think of my bruises…
And I talk and I
smile and I make dinner and help with homework, but every chance I get I hide,
I peek under my watch, or I lift my bracelet and I see the bruises, the
evidence, it takes six to nine days for a bruise to fade, what does he mean,
he’ so cryptic, I am back trying to work out his dark mind again, the shame is
fading, the want is already building….
I am back in
Luke’s shadow again.
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