herself.
My little girl was so precious. She’s almost ten and I don’t even know what she looks like. She’s growing up without me. Thinking of that makes me feel worthless. And it makes me want to cry or slit my throat or kick someone’s ass.
And that water:
drip, drip, drip,
drip, drip, drip,
drip, drip, drip,
drip, drip, drip.
It’s maddening.
drip, drip, drip.
drip, drip, drip.
drip, drip, drip.
drip, drip, drip.
drip, drip, drip.
drip, drip, drip.
drip, drip, drip.
drip, drip, drip.
Make it stop!
drip! drip ….
“Sunny Day. Sweeping’ the clouds away.
On my way to where the air is sweet.
Can you tell me how to get,
How to get to Sesame Street?
How to get to Sesame Street?
I forget the rest of that song. I’m blank. I’m empty. Alone in here. And in this brief moment, there is…. silence.
Then the thoughts come darting through me like a razor cutting into my skin.
“It’s all my fault…”
“I’m evil…”
“I’m cursed!”
“Nothing good will ever happen to me.”
“I’ll never see my daughter again.”
“I should give up and die.”
“Die right now.”
“Find a way to end this misery.”
It is you bitch, crawling into my head! Go away!
“Why are there so many songs about rainbows?
And what’s on the other side?
Rainbows are visions.
They’re only illusions.
And rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we’ve been told and some chose to believe it,
But I know they’re wrong wait and see
Someday we’ll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me”
Dear God, I took refuge in Kermit the Frog. I remembered that song. The whole verse. I haven’t heard it in years. Why? Why’d I do that? Why’d I think of that? What is it trying to tell me? Find the source of that thought. Go back in time. Think!…
I remember. I had a Kermit stuffed animal when I was a kid. It was like a hand puppet. You’d stick your hand inside to make his mouth move. We talked a lot. Just Kermit and me. It’s hard to remember what we said. Most of my childhood is a blank. Most of my life is a blank. I’m always trying to forget my life. I need to concentrate. This time I want to remember? Think hard—Kermit the Frog.
Okay. I can hear Kermit now speaking to me. I see this memory, it’s like a cartoon projected on the padded walls in front of me.
A child alone in his closet.
The smashing of liquor bottles against the wall.
A mother sobbing as a ranting madman justifies his actions and a frog’s lips whispering softly into a child’s ear, “You’re just like daddy.”
“No. I’m not. I’ll never hurt mommy. But I did. I did! I did hurt mommy! “
Shut up! Shut up!
That voice needs to shut the fuck up!
LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
The farmer in the dell. The farmer in the dell.
My little girl was so precious. She’s almost ten and I don’t even know what she looks like. She’s growing up without me. Thinking of that makes me feel worthless. And it makes me want to cry or slit my throat or kick someone’s ass.
And that water:
drip, drip, drip,
drip, drip, drip,
drip, drip, drip,
drip, drip, drip.
It’s maddening.
drip, drip, drip.
drip, drip, drip.
drip, drip, drip.
drip, drip, drip.
drip, drip, drip.
drip, drip, drip.
drip, drip, drip.
drip, drip, drip.
Make it stop!
drip! drip ….
“Sunny Day. Sweeping’ the clouds away.
On my way to where the air is sweet.
Can you tell me how to get,
How to get to Sesame Street?
How to get to Sesame Street?
I forget the rest of that song. I’m blank. I’m empty. Alone in here. And in this brief moment, there is…. silence.
Then the thoughts come darting through me like a razor cutting into my skin.
“It’s all my fault…”
“I’m evil…”
“I’m cursed!”
“Nothing good will ever happen to me.”
“I’ll never see my daughter again.”
“I should give up and die.”
“Die right now.”
“Find a way to end this misery.”
It is you bitch, crawling into my head! Go away!
“Why are there so many songs about rainbows?
And what’s on the other side?
Rainbows are visions.
They’re only illusions.
And rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we’ve been told and some chose to believe it,
But I know they’re wrong wait and see
Someday we’ll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me”
Dear God, I took refuge in Kermit the Frog. I remembered that song. The whole verse. I haven’t heard it in years. Why? Why’d I do that? Why’d I think of that? What is it trying to tell me? Find the source of that thought. Go back in time. Think!…
I remember. I had a Kermit stuffed animal when I was a kid. It was like a hand puppet. You’d stick your hand inside to make his mouth move. We talked a lot. Just Kermit and me. It’s hard to remember what we said. Most of my childhood is a blank. Most of my life is a blank. I’m always trying to forget my life. I need to concentrate. This time I want to remember? Think hard—Kermit the Frog.
Okay. I can hear Kermit now speaking to me. I see this memory, it’s like a cartoon projected on the padded walls in front of me.
A child alone in his closet.
The smashing of liquor bottles against the wall.
A mother sobbing as a ranting madman justifies his actions and a frog’s lips whispering softly into a child’s ear, “You’re just like daddy.”
“No. I’m not. I’ll never hurt mommy. But I did. I did! I did hurt mommy! “
Shut up! Shut up!
That voice needs to shut the fuck up!
LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
The farmer in the dell. The farmer in the dell.
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