nice.”
“So you’ve talked to him?” she said thoughtfully. “I thought I saw him say hi to you once in the hall, but I couldn’t tell if it was a first-time thing or what.”
I felt Drew watching me, but I didn’t look at her. “Oh, um, yeah. We, uh…we’ve been neighbors for a long time.”
“He’s your neighbor?” Lauren looked hopeful.
“Yeah, he lives across the street. But I don’t see him that much.” Which was true, it was all true. But why didn’t I tell her the full truth, the truth about our past, the truth about how much I loved him and wanted him and cried over him every night before I went to sleep? Maybe I couldn’t. Not with that perfect hair of hers and that perfect smile and that perfectly famous little town in Iowa. I couldn’t tell her about me and Jess because if I did, then it would be her against me, and if that was the case, I knew I’d lose.
“I just can’t stop thinking about him. He loaned me an eraser one day in the hall when I was trying to hurry and finish an assignment outside of my third period. He was so sweet, and he even asked me the next time I saw him if everything worked out okay with the assignment. That’s got to mean something, right? I mean if a guy doesn’t like you at all, he’s not going to loan you an eraser, let alone remember to ask you about it later.” Lauren was talking fast and without taking a breath so Drew and I could only sit, watching her with our jaws hanging open. But I knew Drew was thinking the exact same thing that I was, and I knew that we were both thinking that there wasn’t a worst person on earth that Lauren could have confessed to liking at that moment, or ever. “He’s smart and cute and his eyes!” Lauren finally took a breath while putting her hands up to her chest. “His eyes are so amazing!”
That’s when the jealousy started. Or continued really, because the first time I laid eyes on her, I was jealous of everything she had that I didn’t. But now that Jess was involved, the rampant, evil feeling began swelling in my chest, and the more she talked about him, the more it grew.
Drew cleared her throat and, in every attempt to sound natural, said, “Yeah, Jess is a really nice guy. But he’s nice to everyone, so don’t jump to any conclusions. I mean,” Drew stole a sideways glance at me, “I don’t want you to get hurt.”
Lauren was overcome with a look of disappointment. “So you think he was just being nice? Oh, you’re probably right. I mean, he’s a nice guy. Nice guys loan erasers out without it being that big of a deal.”
I couldn’t explain what I said next. Not at first anyway. But the words just started flowing, and they honestly felt like the right thing to do. For me, for Jess, and even for Lauren. It was best to put us all out of our misery. “No, no. It could have meant something. I mean, the fact that he remembered. Guys don’t remember things. Especially Jess.” Which was the farthest thing from the truth because Jess remembered everything like the time I bet him a Baby Ruth that I could jump farther out into the lake than him, and he jumped farther, and he wouldn’t let that stupid Baby Ruth die for the next four years. But I said it anyway because Lauren was my friend, but I also said it because deep down in that horrible, dark pit in my stomach I wanted her to think that he liked her. I wanted her to try to talk to him and throw herself at him because no guy wants a girl that throws herself at him. Especially not Jess.
What I said brought a glimmer of hope back to Lauren’s eyes because how could she possibly know that what I was saying was horrible and mean and vindictive? “I looked him up in your junior high year book last week when we were at your house, Gemma,” she said. “I know that’s a kind of stalker-ish thing to do, but I couldn’t help it. I want to know everything I can about him, and anyway, he was so little and cute back in ninth grade. But I’m sure he
“So you’ve talked to him?” she said thoughtfully. “I thought I saw him say hi to you once in the hall, but I couldn’t tell if it was a first-time thing or what.”
I felt Drew watching me, but I didn’t look at her. “Oh, um, yeah. We, uh…we’ve been neighbors for a long time.”
“He’s your neighbor?” Lauren looked hopeful.
“Yeah, he lives across the street. But I don’t see him that much.” Which was true, it was all true. But why didn’t I tell her the full truth, the truth about our past, the truth about how much I loved him and wanted him and cried over him every night before I went to sleep? Maybe I couldn’t. Not with that perfect hair of hers and that perfect smile and that perfectly famous little town in Iowa. I couldn’t tell her about me and Jess because if I did, then it would be her against me, and if that was the case, I knew I’d lose.
“I just can’t stop thinking about him. He loaned me an eraser one day in the hall when I was trying to hurry and finish an assignment outside of my third period. He was so sweet, and he even asked me the next time I saw him if everything worked out okay with the assignment. That’s got to mean something, right? I mean if a guy doesn’t like you at all, he’s not going to loan you an eraser, let alone remember to ask you about it later.” Lauren was talking fast and without taking a breath so Drew and I could only sit, watching her with our jaws hanging open. But I knew Drew was thinking the exact same thing that I was, and I knew that we were both thinking that there wasn’t a worst person on earth that Lauren could have confessed to liking at that moment, or ever. “He’s smart and cute and his eyes!” Lauren finally took a breath while putting her hands up to her chest. “His eyes are so amazing!”
That’s when the jealousy started. Or continued really, because the first time I laid eyes on her, I was jealous of everything she had that I didn’t. But now that Jess was involved, the rampant, evil feeling began swelling in my chest, and the more she talked about him, the more it grew.
Drew cleared her throat and, in every attempt to sound natural, said, “Yeah, Jess is a really nice guy. But he’s nice to everyone, so don’t jump to any conclusions. I mean,” Drew stole a sideways glance at me, “I don’t want you to get hurt.”
Lauren was overcome with a look of disappointment. “So you think he was just being nice? Oh, you’re probably right. I mean, he’s a nice guy. Nice guys loan erasers out without it being that big of a deal.”
I couldn’t explain what I said next. Not at first anyway. But the words just started flowing, and they honestly felt like the right thing to do. For me, for Jess, and even for Lauren. It was best to put us all out of our misery. “No, no. It could have meant something. I mean, the fact that he remembered. Guys don’t remember things. Especially Jess.” Which was the farthest thing from the truth because Jess remembered everything like the time I bet him a Baby Ruth that I could jump farther out into the lake than him, and he jumped farther, and he wouldn’t let that stupid Baby Ruth die for the next four years. But I said it anyway because Lauren was my friend, but I also said it because deep down in that horrible, dark pit in my stomach I wanted her to think that he liked her. I wanted her to try to talk to him and throw herself at him because no guy wants a girl that throws herself at him. Especially not Jess.
What I said brought a glimmer of hope back to Lauren’s eyes because how could she possibly know that what I was saying was horrible and mean and vindictive? “I looked him up in your junior high year book last week when we were at your house, Gemma,” she said. “I know that’s a kind of stalker-ish thing to do, but I couldn’t help it. I want to know everything I can about him, and anyway, he was so little and cute back in ninth grade. But I’m sure he
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