where she was going?"
"A11 she said was that she was going away. That
she'd made a decision. The right decision, she called it."
"What was this decision?"
"To kill herself, I think," the girl said
with a hopeless look. I didn't want to give her the chance to brood
about it, so I raised my voice a little, startling her. "Was
Ethan with Kirsty?"
"Yes. He didn't come into the apartment. But
when I went out to the car with Kirsty, he was sitting in the
backseat. Kirsty dropped him off at The Eagle while we drove around
and talked. I guess she must have picked him up later."
" What did she talk about in the car?"
"Jay, her dad, her mom, her
breakdown—everything. She said she'd been confused for so long
about her past and that she was just now beginning to see what it
meant her to do. She talked like that—like her past was this
guiding light. She said she thought, at first, that Jay was her
destiny. But now she knew that was wrong. Her destiny was with her
family. 'The way she talked about her mom . . . it scared me."
"What did she say about Estelle?"
"She said she was just like her."
"You mean, suicidal?"
"More than that, I think. She said that for
years she'd hated her mother and never understood why. She used to
feel terribly guilty about it, as if she had driven her mother crazy.
She'd punished herself for that. She talked as if Jay and the
breakdown were somehow part of the punishment. But this summer, when
she was in therapy, her shrink gave her Pentothal and she remembered
something about her mom. She wouldn't tell me what it was, just that
it had terrified her at first. But now she said it didn't scare her
anymore. Now she understood that she'd been punishing the wrong
person."
"Who was the right person?"
Marnee Thompson shook her head. "I don't know."
We sat in the living room for a while, drinking
coffee. Marnee slowly calmed down, and once she got her bearings back
she started asking me questions.
"How did you know that Ethan was with Kirsty?"
"Stein said Kirsty planned to see him this
weekend." I gave Marnee a monitory look. "You knew that,
didn't you?"
She ducked her head. "I knew a lot of things,"
she said in a whisper. "I just couldn't . . . I was afraid to
tell you. Except for Jay, I mean."
The girl looked up guiltily. "Did you talk to
him? To Jay?"
"We had some words."
" What did he say about me? Something ugly?"
She flushed as if she already knew what Stein had
said, as if he'd said it before and it had come back to her.
"Don't worry about him, Marnee. Guys like Stein
aren't worth the time."
"I'd like to believe that." She stared at
me for a long I moment. "Are you going to stay here tonight?"
"I'll probably get a motel room by the airport.
I have to fly back to Cincinnati tomorrow, early."
"You could stay," the girl said shyly. "I
want you to stay. I could use the company."
"I can't, Marnee. I'd like to, but I can't."
She ducked her head. "Okay," she whispered.
"I understand."
But she didn't understand. She thought I was
rejecting her because of what Stein told me, and there was no way
short of spending the night to prove that I wasn't. It was a sad way
to end it. But she had the resources to survive. Her friend didn't.
As I went out the door I told her that I'd call her, when I had some
news about Kirsty.
10
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
I caught a cab to 0'Hare and checked in at the
airport Hilton. If the bars had been open, I might not have bothered
with the room. But the lounges were shut, and I needed a place to sit
and think. I also needed a phone. The room was clean and featureless,
with a view of the snowy runways, still busy with mail and parcel
traffic even at that hour of the night. I took a hot shower, ordered
some coffee up from room service, then phoned Delta reservations and
booked a seat on their first flight to Cincinnati at seven in the
morning. After the busboy arrived with the coffee, I called Phil
Pearson.
Pearson must have
"A11 she said was that she was going away. That
she'd made a decision. The right decision, she called it."
"What was this decision?"
"To kill herself, I think," the girl said
with a hopeless look. I didn't want to give her the chance to brood
about it, so I raised my voice a little, startling her. "Was
Ethan with Kirsty?"
"Yes. He didn't come into the apartment. But
when I went out to the car with Kirsty, he was sitting in the
backseat. Kirsty dropped him off at The Eagle while we drove around
and talked. I guess she must have picked him up later."
" What did she talk about in the car?"
"Jay, her dad, her mom, her
breakdown—everything. She said she'd been confused for so long
about her past and that she was just now beginning to see what it
meant her to do. She talked like that—like her past was this
guiding light. She said she thought, at first, that Jay was her
destiny. But now she knew that was wrong. Her destiny was with her
family. 'The way she talked about her mom . . . it scared me."
"What did she say about Estelle?"
"She said she was just like her."
"You mean, suicidal?"
"More than that, I think. She said that for
years she'd hated her mother and never understood why. She used to
feel terribly guilty about it, as if she had driven her mother crazy.
She'd punished herself for that. She talked as if Jay and the
breakdown were somehow part of the punishment. But this summer, when
she was in therapy, her shrink gave her Pentothal and she remembered
something about her mom. She wouldn't tell me what it was, just that
it had terrified her at first. But now she said it didn't scare her
anymore. Now she understood that she'd been punishing the wrong
person."
"Who was the right person?"
Marnee Thompson shook her head. "I don't know."
We sat in the living room for a while, drinking
coffee. Marnee slowly calmed down, and once she got her bearings back
she started asking me questions.
"How did you know that Ethan was with Kirsty?"
"Stein said Kirsty planned to see him this
weekend." I gave Marnee a monitory look. "You knew that,
didn't you?"
She ducked her head. "I knew a lot of things,"
she said in a whisper. "I just couldn't . . . I was afraid to
tell you. Except for Jay, I mean."
The girl looked up guiltily. "Did you talk to
him? To Jay?"
"We had some words."
" What did he say about me? Something ugly?"
She flushed as if she already knew what Stein had
said, as if he'd said it before and it had come back to her.
"Don't worry about him, Marnee. Guys like Stein
aren't worth the time."
"I'd like to believe that." She stared at
me for a long I moment. "Are you going to stay here tonight?"
"I'll probably get a motel room by the airport.
I have to fly back to Cincinnati tomorrow, early."
"You could stay," the girl said shyly. "I
want you to stay. I could use the company."
"I can't, Marnee. I'd like to, but I can't."
She ducked her head. "Okay," she whispered.
"I understand."
But she didn't understand. She thought I was
rejecting her because of what Stein told me, and there was no way
short of spending the night to prove that I wasn't. It was a sad way
to end it. But she had the resources to survive. Her friend didn't.
As I went out the door I told her that I'd call her, when I had some
news about Kirsty.
10
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
I caught a cab to 0'Hare and checked in at the
airport Hilton. If the bars had been open, I might not have bothered
with the room. But the lounges were shut, and I needed a place to sit
and think. I also needed a phone. The room was clean and featureless,
with a view of the snowy runways, still busy with mail and parcel
traffic even at that hour of the night. I took a hot shower, ordered
some coffee up from room service, then phoned Delta reservations and
booked a seat on their first flight to Cincinnati at seven in the
morning. After the busboy arrived with the coffee, I called Phil
Pearson.
Pearson must have
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