taps. It was stunning. Just down the hall from it was one bedroom. Big. Walk in closet. Leather sleigh bed.
The apartment was gorgeous.
And lonely.
The anger that had been buried beneath her skin erupted. Ari wanted to tear her hair out or scream, throw something, beat someone up! She stomped down the hall, her eyes blazing, not caring that Jai took a step back in surprise, his mouth dropping open at the feral state of her.
“Ari?” he asked tentatively, holding a hand up in question.
“Do you see this place?” she snapped, gesturing around frantically.
“It ’ s very nice,” Jai answered slowly, his eyebrows drawing together in total confusion.
“It ’ s a one -bedroom apartment, Jai. He bought me an apartment for my first year in college. He didn ’ t even think! How was I supposed to make friends? He pushed me into applying to this stupid place and then thought I ’ d be happy living alone with no friends. What? Was I not allowed to experience the dorms or sorority or anything that involved human companionship?”
“Ari… it ’ s OK…”
“No it ’ s not,” she hissed, angry tears spilling down her cheeks as she looked anywhere but at Jai. “He didn ’ t know me. He thought I ’ d be happy alone like he was. He didn ’ t even love me.”
Jai clucked and took a wary step towards her. “That ’ s not true. Your dad… he made mistakes… but he loved you.”
“Not enough,” she whispered, the memory of their conversation in the woods burning in the back of her throat. “He told me so before he was killed.”
Jai stopped, his face clouding over. “What are you talking about?”
“At the woods. He told me he was selfish. That he kept me because I was part of Sala but that he shouldn ’ t have done that. He admitted he was a crappy father.” She paused, brushing a trembling hand across the granite breakfast bar. “Told me that he never loved me enough, that he wished he ’ d been able to love me the way I deserved.” The tears stopped with the confession and a cold hardness settled inside her. “This apartment is testament to how little he knew me. How little he ’ d cared to know me.”
She heard Jai shifting uncomfortably behind her and she turned to say something to lighten the mood only to be surprised to find he wasn ’ t uncomfortable. He was furious. His hands were clenched into fists at his sides and his jaw was locked with what Ari guessed was determination to keep quiet. A rush of emotion crashed over her, knocking some of that brick hardness down. Jai may be in love with someone else but he was lying if he said he didn ’ t care about her a little. This reaction was proof of that. “It ’ s OK,” she assured him. “I ’ m going to be OK.”
He nodded, his eyes blazing. “You deserve better than that, Ari.”
“Even after… even after everything he said… I still miss him.”
And just like that Jai ’ s anger shifted to understanding and before she knew what was happening he reached over and pulled her into an embrace. She stumbled against him and clutched tightly to him in surprise. She nuzzled against his hard chest, inhaling the familiar comforting scent of him. His embrace was just as she imagined it would be, his arms tight and strong around her. His heart beat reassuringly beneath her ear, albeit beating a little too fast. Ari felt safe and loved in his arms. He gave good hugs. She smiled a little, her arms wrapped snug around his waist, palms pressed to his strong back. Ari found herself wanting to dig her fingers into the muscle there and pull him closer. She managed to talk herself out of it. “You ’ re allowed to miss him, Ari,” Jai whispered into her ear and she tried to cover the shiver that rippled down her back at the feel of his lips next to her skin. “You ’ re allowed to love him. Don ’ t beat yourself up about it. Please.”
She nodded, unable to speak for fear she ’ d burst into tears. Jai had a wonderful way of destroying
The apartment was gorgeous.
And lonely.
The anger that had been buried beneath her skin erupted. Ari wanted to tear her hair out or scream, throw something, beat someone up! She stomped down the hall, her eyes blazing, not caring that Jai took a step back in surprise, his mouth dropping open at the feral state of her.
“Ari?” he asked tentatively, holding a hand up in question.
“Do you see this place?” she snapped, gesturing around frantically.
“It ’ s very nice,” Jai answered slowly, his eyebrows drawing together in total confusion.
“It ’ s a one -bedroom apartment, Jai. He bought me an apartment for my first year in college. He didn ’ t even think! How was I supposed to make friends? He pushed me into applying to this stupid place and then thought I ’ d be happy living alone with no friends. What? Was I not allowed to experience the dorms or sorority or anything that involved human companionship?”
“Ari… it ’ s OK…”
“No it ’ s not,” she hissed, angry tears spilling down her cheeks as she looked anywhere but at Jai. “He didn ’ t know me. He thought I ’ d be happy alone like he was. He didn ’ t even love me.”
Jai clucked and took a wary step towards her. “That ’ s not true. Your dad… he made mistakes… but he loved you.”
“Not enough,” she whispered, the memory of their conversation in the woods burning in the back of her throat. “He told me so before he was killed.”
Jai stopped, his face clouding over. “What are you talking about?”
“At the woods. He told me he was selfish. That he kept me because I was part of Sala but that he shouldn ’ t have done that. He admitted he was a crappy father.” She paused, brushing a trembling hand across the granite breakfast bar. “Told me that he never loved me enough, that he wished he ’ d been able to love me the way I deserved.” The tears stopped with the confession and a cold hardness settled inside her. “This apartment is testament to how little he knew me. How little he ’ d cared to know me.”
She heard Jai shifting uncomfortably behind her and she turned to say something to lighten the mood only to be surprised to find he wasn ’ t uncomfortable. He was furious. His hands were clenched into fists at his sides and his jaw was locked with what Ari guessed was determination to keep quiet. A rush of emotion crashed over her, knocking some of that brick hardness down. Jai may be in love with someone else but he was lying if he said he didn ’ t care about her a little. This reaction was proof of that. “It ’ s OK,” she assured him. “I ’ m going to be OK.”
He nodded, his eyes blazing. “You deserve better than that, Ari.”
“Even after… even after everything he said… I still miss him.”
And just like that Jai ’ s anger shifted to understanding and before she knew what was happening he reached over and pulled her into an embrace. She stumbled against him and clutched tightly to him in surprise. She nuzzled against his hard chest, inhaling the familiar comforting scent of him. His embrace was just as she imagined it would be, his arms tight and strong around her. His heart beat reassuringly beneath her ear, albeit beating a little too fast. Ari felt safe and loved in his arms. He gave good hugs. She smiled a little, her arms wrapped snug around his waist, palms pressed to his strong back. Ari found herself wanting to dig her fingers into the muscle there and pull him closer. She managed to talk herself out of it. “You ’ re allowed to miss him, Ari,” Jai whispered into her ear and she tried to cover the shiver that rippled down her back at the feel of his lips next to her skin. “You ’ re allowed to love him. Don ’ t beat yourself up about it. Please.”
She nodded, unable to speak for fear she ’ d burst into tears. Jai had a wonderful way of destroying
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