sat enjoying the view of the Seine. The city really was beautiful; there was a romanticism about the place that couldn’t be faked. Like the lore had become the reality.
“Just think. This is only the second of the world’s great capitals,” Claus teased right back. “There’s a great many cities to go to.”
“You know I didn’t really mean to ask you to take me shopping all over the world. That is a waste of money.” Still, it was thrilling to know he really did have every intention of doing just that. Protesting against it would do no good. He saw it made her happy, so he would do it. She loved the security in knowing that about him, knowing how he reacted, how he thought when it came to her.
Looking back, it seemed silly for her to have ever wondered what he thought about her. She should’ve known. Now that they had nothing at all between them left unsaid—or undone—Alicia felt as if she knew Claus better than she knew any other person on the face of the earth. Maybe even herself.
“If that’s what you’ve dreamed of having, it is what you’ll have.” And that was that.
All she could do was smile. Even though she’d dreamed of one day having a man who really loved her, who was completely devoted to her, there had never really been any hope of it. With Claus, it was so much more. This, what they had together, was more than she could’ve ever imagined. Being with him made her freer than she had ever been. He allowed her to just be —never making demands, always there no matter what; he was just a quiet, steady presence that made her feel safe and complete.
Finally, after years of merely existing, she felt honestly, truly alive. It was so hard to define it, but it was like before Claus, her only goal was to survive long enough to get her daughter free. Though Alicia had never admitted it even to herself, she never expected to live long after Deja was able to be on her own, far away from the life Alicia had lived. Eventually, she would’ve done something to push Grgur too far, or he would’ve merely gotten tired of her and traded her in for a newer model. Then all of a sudden, this massive German walked into her life and taught her how to just breathe.
In a way, he’d been partially correct in thinking her devotion to him stemmed from his saving her. But what he didn’t realize was no other man could’ve done what he had. No one else could’ve saved her, healed her, then completed her. No one would’ve seen all she needed was space, time and quiet. Not once did he try to get her to talk it out, openly discuss her feelings or what had led her to ending up with Grgur in the first place. She was all too aware of where she’d been. There was no desire to go back. Most believed therapy or psychoanalysis to be therapeutic. To some perhaps it was. To people like them—her and Claus—the past just was .
The past two years had given her time to think, to process, but most of all to let go. So what that the majority of her life had been shitty? She’d seen far, far worse. There had been some joy, some good in all the dark. Deja had been her greatest blessing, always would be. To be able to watch her grow free from the same monster who’d ruled Alicia’s own childhood had been a miracle. Yes, she had been a prisoner more or less, but it was up to her whether or not she would remain chained. Claus had guided her to that revelation without forcing it down her throat. For that she was grateful, but that wasn’t why she loved him. She loved Claus because he too had seen the absolute worse the world had to offer, and he chose not to become the darkness he lived in. Formidable, yes. A ruthless killer when it was necessary—absolutely, but there was nothing evil about him. He was what he was. And he loved her unconditionally. He had never said it, not even now, but Alicia suspected he didn’t know how to find the words. It didn’t matter; she could feel it. And she wasn’t going to let that
“Just think. This is only the second of the world’s great capitals,” Claus teased right back. “There’s a great many cities to go to.”
“You know I didn’t really mean to ask you to take me shopping all over the world. That is a waste of money.” Still, it was thrilling to know he really did have every intention of doing just that. Protesting against it would do no good. He saw it made her happy, so he would do it. She loved the security in knowing that about him, knowing how he reacted, how he thought when it came to her.
Looking back, it seemed silly for her to have ever wondered what he thought about her. She should’ve known. Now that they had nothing at all between them left unsaid—or undone—Alicia felt as if she knew Claus better than she knew any other person on the face of the earth. Maybe even herself.
“If that’s what you’ve dreamed of having, it is what you’ll have.” And that was that.
All she could do was smile. Even though she’d dreamed of one day having a man who really loved her, who was completely devoted to her, there had never really been any hope of it. With Claus, it was so much more. This, what they had together, was more than she could’ve ever imagined. Being with him made her freer than she had ever been. He allowed her to just be —never making demands, always there no matter what; he was just a quiet, steady presence that made her feel safe and complete.
Finally, after years of merely existing, she felt honestly, truly alive. It was so hard to define it, but it was like before Claus, her only goal was to survive long enough to get her daughter free. Though Alicia had never admitted it even to herself, she never expected to live long after Deja was able to be on her own, far away from the life Alicia had lived. Eventually, she would’ve done something to push Grgur too far, or he would’ve merely gotten tired of her and traded her in for a newer model. Then all of a sudden, this massive German walked into her life and taught her how to just breathe.
In a way, he’d been partially correct in thinking her devotion to him stemmed from his saving her. But what he didn’t realize was no other man could’ve done what he had. No one else could’ve saved her, healed her, then completed her. No one would’ve seen all she needed was space, time and quiet. Not once did he try to get her to talk it out, openly discuss her feelings or what had led her to ending up with Grgur in the first place. She was all too aware of where she’d been. There was no desire to go back. Most believed therapy or psychoanalysis to be therapeutic. To some perhaps it was. To people like them—her and Claus—the past just was .
The past two years had given her time to think, to process, but most of all to let go. So what that the majority of her life had been shitty? She’d seen far, far worse. There had been some joy, some good in all the dark. Deja had been her greatest blessing, always would be. To be able to watch her grow free from the same monster who’d ruled Alicia’s own childhood had been a miracle. Yes, she had been a prisoner more or less, but it was up to her whether or not she would remain chained. Claus had guided her to that revelation without forcing it down her throat. For that she was grateful, but that wasn’t why she loved him. She loved Claus because he too had seen the absolute worse the world had to offer, and he chose not to become the darkness he lived in. Formidable, yes. A ruthless killer when it was necessary—absolutely, but there was nothing evil about him. He was what he was. And he loved her unconditionally. He had never said it, not even now, but Alicia suspected he didn’t know how to find the words. It didn’t matter; she could feel it. And she wasn’t going to let that
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