Read Online Sarah by J.T. LeRoy - Free Book Online

here any minute! They always know when there is a supernatural occurrence anywhere in the world. I heard they have a whole team of psychics devoted to keeping them abreast of miraculous developments.’
    A big burst of lightning flashes followed by a thunderclap that makes everyone jump.
    ‘Normally, we would’ve lost all our power from a hit like that!’ Lymon gasps.
    ‘I didn’t even see a flicker,’ says a ramp cutter.
    Everyone moans like self-flagellated monks, and they all drop to their knees before me.
    ‘What y’all doin’?!’ Pooh says, slamming the screen door behind her.
    Nobody says a thing. I feel hands sliding over my Mary Janes and knee-highs like a den of diamond backs.
    ‘Hi, Pooh,’ I say and give her a big detached smile.
    ‘What the hell are all y’all doin’?!’ Pooh stomps closer.
    ‘We’ve got to tell Le Loup! Where is he at, Pooh?’ whispers Mary Grace, not turning her head from me.
    ‘Tell him what?’ Pooh stomps closer.
    ‘Why that Sarah here is a Biblical figure reincarnated!’ proclaims Stella.
    ‘Or maybe possessed,’ says the ramp cutter and everyone shoots him evil looks. ‘In a saintly sort of way, I mean.’
    ‘What?!’ Pooh stares at me and I look down in embarrassment. ‘First she’s She-Ra the action figure, now a goddamned saint?!’ Pooh spits, everyone gasps, and three different people put their hands over my eyes, ears, and nose to protect me from the vileness spilling forth from Pooh. But I can still make out her words. ‘You want to know where Le Loup is?! He’s gettin’ the insides of his Trans Am steam-cleaned from a tornado of puke She-Ra the saint over there blew, yet walked out of there clean as dog balls.’
    ‘Ohh, I feel the presence!’ wails the dishwasher removing his hands from my eyes. ‘My hands are hotter’n the hubs of hell!’
    Hands are removed from my ears and nose and blown on as if they were set afire.
    ‘So, she spewed like a tornado in Le Loup’s little Trans Am?’ Stella says slowly to Pooh.
    ‘Yep, that’s what your fuckin’ saint did, after guzzling my stumphole whisky, which I think y’all clearly been guzzling too!’
    ‘And not a drop got on her?’ Petunia says, her voice wavering.
    ‘Yup, like a spoilt brat! She coated me pretty good, though!’
    ‘Pooh, why didn’t you tell us of this miracle?!’ Mary Grace gasps.
    ‘Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!’ someone shouts.
    ‘What the fuck are y’all even on about?’ Pooh yells.
    ‘We needed something like this,’ Stella says, massaging my calves. ‘This will put Three Crutches on the map!’
    ‘Give that old Jackalope a run for its money!’ Petunia whispers between licks of my shoes.
    ‘You all look like a bunch of pickled crab apples down there. Okay, joke’s over! You got me, ha-ha-ha! Okay, I got to get She-Ra back ready for Le Loup to baptize her, so if y’all kindly move aside there…’
    ‘Stella, remember to remind Le Loup that there is no cause to baptize her. She’s already a holy lizard,’ Mary Grace says.
    Pooh glares at me. ‘She’s a whore, okay, just a whore, just like all of you. Ain’t nothin’ holy about her, okay? She’s gonna be digging for change on her back just like all of you come nightfall, so y’all just get over yourselves, okay?!’ Pooh lunges for me.
    ‘Oh, Sarah can’t work like you can, Pooh,’ Lymon says, holding her back while on his knees. ‘She’s missing her insides. The Lord can take her at any moment.’
    Pooh’s eyes scrunch up real tight at me. ‘I knew there was something about you I didn’t like. I saw it in your eyes.’ She backs up toward the door. ‘Something too hungry in your eyes. I think you’re really a black snake and you got everyone charmed. Well, not me! And you can sure as bet Le Loup is not gonna fall for this bullshit spell.’
    ‘Pooh, if she were really a black snake, how would she’ve made it past all the ash trees planted around this diner? You know ash trees