Read Online Sandman Slim with Bonus Content by Richard Kadrey - Free Book Online

and drive away.
    I DITCH THE Mercedes a few blocks from Max Overdrive. At another time it would break my heart to have to leave such a brilliant machine behind, but L.A. is an all-youcan-eat car buffet, and now that I’ve seen what the knife does to locks and ignitions, I’m never going to starve.
    I grab the oilcloth bundle with the guns and the bags with my new clothes. When I get to the store, it is closed, but I rap on the glass and Allegra lets me in.
    “Damn,” she says. “You clean up pretty good.”
    “Thanks.” It feels nice being complimented by a human woman. The few kind words I’d heard in the last eleven years usually came from Hellions that looked like something a snake had just thrown up.
    “Did you lose your key?”
    “I forgot it. I haven’t had to carry one for a while.”
    “Where did you live that you didn’t need keys?” She looks at something in her hand that’s beeping at her. It looks like a TV remote fucked a little typewriter and this is the bastard offspring. She types something on the tiny typewriter with her thumbs, and smiles.
    “What’s that you’re playing with?”
    “You’ve never seen one of these? It’s a BlackBerry.”
    “Is it like a phone? But you’re typing with it.”
    “I’ve got it now. You’ve been in a coma since the seventies. No. Abducted by aliens.”
    “You nailed me. Klatuu barada nikto .”
    “ The Day the Earth Stood Still, right? That was one of my favorites when I was a kid.”
    “Me, too. So, why are you typing on your BlackBerry thing?”
    “Just BlackBerry. Like you, Just Stark.” She turns the little device so I can see it better. “You can talk on it or you can send text messages. It’s like e-mail, only it’s instant. You’ve heard of e-mail, right.”
    “Sure. But why would you type something to someone? Why not just call them?”
    “Sometimes texting is more fun. Or, like now, if you’re sending someone an address, it’s nice to have it in writing.”
    “What’s that on the screen?”
    “It’s Google Maps. I looked up the address so I could give Michelle directions.” She clicks and the little screen changes. “See, you just get on the net and enter the address.”
    “You have the Internet on that? If I got the Internet, I could look things up on it, right? Names, places, history?”
    “First off, you don’t get the Internet. It’s the Web, and you don’t get it. You use it. And, yeah, you can look up anything you want.”
    “Can I get one of these?”
    She looks at me like I really have spent a decade with Martians.
    “Of course. You just have to figure out what kind you want.” She types a few more words into the BlackBerry and puts it in her coat pocket.
    “Thanks,” I say.
    “No problem. I’ve got to go and meet some friends. Can you lock up after me?”
    “Sure. Good night.”
    “Night.”
    I haven’t used keys for a while. What a stupid damn thing to say. I could see it in her eyes. She’s wondering if I’m flat-out crazy or a recent jailbird. Worse, she’s wondering if I’ve done something to Kasabian. Plus, she’s wondering about what’s wrapped in the dirty oilcloth. I’ll have to start locking the upstairs door. I’ll have to do something about her suspicions, too, but I don’t know what, and I’m not going to figure it out tonight. I take my bags and the bundle with the guns upstairs and drop them on the bed. Tomorrow I’ll check into the BlackBerry thing. Having the Internet or Web or whatever with me will help me catch up on the world and keep me from sounding like a newly landed Martian.
    I go over and open Kasabian’s closet.
    “Morning, sunshine. Sleep well?”
    There’s a cheesy infomercial playing on the TV. Some guy in a chef’s uniform is waving kitchen utensils around.
    “You ever see these knives, man? I just might have to get a set. They cut right through soda cans and bricks.”
    “If I ever start eating bricks, I’ll come by and borrow them. You had any thoughts