way below, moving yes through me like that brown river the gravy Teifi or like all the things broken down to mush ages old and sunken in its gravy waves. Like them like
it
like them
in
it they moved in
me
or
it
moved in me.
I felt my head go funny. All kind of floppy and wobblesome like mud and I felt worried.
—Uncle …
The mountain flopped from side to side. Bad taste sicky feeling in my mouth.
—Uncle …
—What, bach? What’s happening?
Drunkle held my moving head in his hands and I could see his face all big and close but not like Arthur’s I
liked
Drunkle’s face being big and close it made me better and it wasn’t like Arthur’s, no.
—What, bach? Tell me what’s wrong. Are you going away? Are you having a Time?
I shook my head cos I didn’t think I was but I wasn’t sure only that everything had gone flopsome on the mountain and in me. Arrn was looking up at me all worried with his red ears down and a mucky face and Drunkle was still holding my face.
—Deep breaths now … breathe deeply now … relax, bach, it’ll pass …
Innnnn. Ouuutt. In. Out. Wind on my head and passing over it like the mountain breathing like me the wind on my head was the mountain’s breath. Innnnn. Ouuuutt.
—Aw fer Christ sakes … your mother should’ve given me some pills. Jeez that bloody sister of mine … bloody useless she is …
—It’s okay, I said to make his face push at the worry I could see in it. I didn’t like seeing Drunkle’s face like that nor Arrn’s either so I told him it was okay too but only in my head but the worryment stayed in both their faces so I told them again it was okay both with my tongue and in my head which I could do cos my tongue had then stopped tapping in my mouth and the bad sick taste had gone away and my head had then stopped wobbling in the mountain’s breath.
—You sure?
I didn’t want to nod cos that would make my head feel wobblesome again so I just gave him a yes.
—Think you can make it down the hill? The stones are there. The spring is there.
No nod just a yes.
—I’ll put the tent up and you can have a sleep.
No nod just a yes.
—You can make it, aye? It’s not far. Want me to carry you on my back?
No shake just a no.
—I’ll carry the tent, then.
Drunkle took the tent off my back and made me not a snail any more and he put it over his shoulder and then he had the clanky sack on his back and the tent over one shoulder and the gun over his other shoulder and bottles in his pockets too and it looked too much but he still held my hand and took me down off the ridge and along the dry path made by the sheep and Arrn stayed by my side too and I was happy like that with Drunkle and Arrn and holding Drunkle’s hand even tho I wasn’t little any more I was sixteen years old and a man My Mam Bethan would say and NotDad would say those words too but in a different way. And we all three in Our Little Army went down off the mountain into the bottom of the valley where it went all squishsome again so we walked around that bit and around a big hole in the ground a big dark square hole where an old mine tunnel had fallen in and there was no bottom to that hole and we went around a small hill and I heard water laughing and then saw that water coming out of the ground in a little spring and it better’d me very much cos the squishsome bit was bad and the spring wasn’t, everyone knows that. And there were two big stones standing up out of the ground and taller than Drunkle more tall even than Arthur and I sat down with my back against one and ate some biscuits with Arrn and Drunkle put the tent up on a dry flat bit of ground and unpacked the stove and got some water from the spring and boiled it and made tea and I drank a cup of tea out of a cup made of metal which burned my lips a bit and all the time Drunkle was asking me if I was okay and it started to rain a bit even tho it was summertime and Drunkle told me in a nice and not a NotDad way to go into
it
like them
in
it they moved in
me
or
it
moved in me.
I felt my head go funny. All kind of floppy and wobblesome like mud and I felt worried.
—Uncle …
The mountain flopped from side to side. Bad taste sicky feeling in my mouth.
—Uncle …
—What, bach? What’s happening?
Drunkle held my moving head in his hands and I could see his face all big and close but not like Arthur’s I
liked
Drunkle’s face being big and close it made me better and it wasn’t like Arthur’s, no.
—What, bach? Tell me what’s wrong. Are you going away? Are you having a Time?
I shook my head cos I didn’t think I was but I wasn’t sure only that everything had gone flopsome on the mountain and in me. Arrn was looking up at me all worried with his red ears down and a mucky face and Drunkle was still holding my face.
—Deep breaths now … breathe deeply now … relax, bach, it’ll pass …
Innnnn. Ouuutt. In. Out. Wind on my head and passing over it like the mountain breathing like me the wind on my head was the mountain’s breath. Innnnn. Ouuuutt.
—Aw fer Christ sakes … your mother should’ve given me some pills. Jeez that bloody sister of mine … bloody useless she is …
—It’s okay, I said to make his face push at the worry I could see in it. I didn’t like seeing Drunkle’s face like that nor Arrn’s either so I told him it was okay too but only in my head but the worryment stayed in both their faces so I told them again it was okay both with my tongue and in my head which I could do cos my tongue had then stopped tapping in my mouth and the bad sick taste had gone away and my head had then stopped wobbling in the mountain’s breath.
—You sure?
I didn’t want to nod cos that would make my head feel wobblesome again so I just gave him a yes.
—Think you can make it down the hill? The stones are there. The spring is there.
No nod just a yes.
—I’ll put the tent up and you can have a sleep.
No nod just a yes.
—You can make it, aye? It’s not far. Want me to carry you on my back?
No shake just a no.
—I’ll carry the tent, then.
Drunkle took the tent off my back and made me not a snail any more and he put it over his shoulder and then he had the clanky sack on his back and the tent over one shoulder and the gun over his other shoulder and bottles in his pockets too and it looked too much but he still held my hand and took me down off the ridge and along the dry path made by the sheep and Arrn stayed by my side too and I was happy like that with Drunkle and Arrn and holding Drunkle’s hand even tho I wasn’t little any more I was sixteen years old and a man My Mam Bethan would say and NotDad would say those words too but in a different way. And we all three in Our Little Army went down off the mountain into the bottom of the valley where it went all squishsome again so we walked around that bit and around a big hole in the ground a big dark square hole where an old mine tunnel had fallen in and there was no bottom to that hole and we went around a small hill and I heard water laughing and then saw that water coming out of the ground in a little spring and it better’d me very much cos the squishsome bit was bad and the spring wasn’t, everyone knows that. And there were two big stones standing up out of the ground and taller than Drunkle more tall even than Arthur and I sat down with my back against one and ate some biscuits with Arrn and Drunkle put the tent up on a dry flat bit of ground and unpacked the stove and got some water from the spring and boiled it and made tea and I drank a cup of tea out of a cup made of metal which burned my lips a bit and all the time Drunkle was asking me if I was okay and it started to rain a bit even tho it was summertime and Drunkle told me in a nice and not a NotDad way to go into
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