Read Online Runny03 - Loose Lips by Rita Mae Brown - Free Book Online
Authors: Rita Mae Brown
Tags: cozy
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the afterlife with no hope of instant resurrection, I can tell you. Flattened, just positively flattened by that goddamned Extra Billy Bitters, who someone should put in jail—”
Celeste interrupted, “Someone will. In good time.”
“Well, in good time might be now because he’s got Mary in the car with Louise chasing and she’s behind the wheel, may all the saints preserve us. You know that Louise couldn’t drive her way out of a burning barn. And in hot pursuit of Louise is Chester Smith with Juts, Maizie, and Paul in the car and Paul is hanging out the window screaming, I tell you, just at the top of his lungs, for his crazy wife to slow down. I think we should call the sheriff. After all, it’s a threat to the public welfare and theauthorities ought to be alerted. But which side? I mean, you know how pompous Harmon Nordness can be, should Billy cross over into Pennsylvania. But the worst part is Mary’s got a gun and she’s shooting out the window, just firing away like cowboys and Indians!”
“What!” both listeners exclaimed at once.
11
E xtra Billy flew down Frederick Street hanging left on two wheels as he made for the Emmitsburg pike, but he couldn’t get the old deuce coupe under control. When he finally straightened the Ford out he fishtailed over the Mason-Dixon line. He careened around the northwest side of the square, swerving in front of the Bon-Ton department store. He ran up on the curb, then overcorrected, only to drive right into the beautiful square itself. Mary was waving the gun. When they bumped hard going over the curb, she shot into the roof of the deuce coupe, which scared both of them. Billy didn’t watch where he was going and smashed right into the base of the Yankee general George Gordon Meade. The statue tilted just a bit but the deuce coupe sure got the worst of it.
Dazed, Billy spilled out of the car, sat down hard, then crawled up on all fours to pull a squealing Mary out.
Just then Louise, madder than a stepped-on hornet, alsojumped the curb and came to a lurching halt next to Billy’s car. Chessy, far more prudent, stopped at the intersection by St. Rose of Lima’s, cut the motor, and ran for the accident, as did Juts and Pearlie. On their heels were Celeste, Ramelle, and Fannie Jump, puffing hard since they had run from Celeste’s house, which was close to the square.
Extra Billy, with presence of mind, grabbed the gun from Mary. “I didn’t know she had it, honest, I didn’t.”
Louise yanked Mary to her feet, for she had slumped against the deuce coupe. “What’s the matter with you?”
“Don’t touch me! I hate you!” Mary wailed as she wrapped her arms around Extra Billy’s slender waist.
“Touch you. I will whip you within an inch of your life!”
“No!” Mary screamed.
Pearlie, now at the scene, made a fist ready to hit the young man when Chessy, fast up behind him, grabbed his arm.
“Pearlie, that’s not the way.”
Extra Billy gratefully cast his eyes at Chester and then behind him to the trio of women tromping over the square. The two cars had mashed the flowers, which Celeste gingerly stepped over.
“I won’t go home, I won’t go home!” Mary shrieked.
“You’ll do as I tell you.” Louise reached for her but Mary twisted away, all the while clinging to Billy, gun still in his hand.
Celeste reached for the gun, neatly removing it from Billy’s hand. “You won’t be needing that.”
“Uh—no, Miss Chalfonte.”
“Is it your gun?”
“No, ma’am.”
“It’s Daddy’s.” Mary wept.
When Pearlie spoke, his voice was shaking. “You’d better come home right now. We’ll straighten this out.”
Maizie, eyes big as golf balls, observed the whole thing, hersister imploring her with looks, since Maizie was always her ally except when the two were fighting.
A siren in the background promised further unpleasantness.
“Shit,” Extra Billy muttered.
“Don’t swear in front of me!” Louise snapped.
“I’m
Celeste interrupted, “Someone will. In good time.”
“Well, in good time might be now because he’s got Mary in the car with Louise chasing and she’s behind the wheel, may all the saints preserve us. You know that Louise couldn’t drive her way out of a burning barn. And in hot pursuit of Louise is Chester Smith with Juts, Maizie, and Paul in the car and Paul is hanging out the window screaming, I tell you, just at the top of his lungs, for his crazy wife to slow down. I think we should call the sheriff. After all, it’s a threat to the public welfare and theauthorities ought to be alerted. But which side? I mean, you know how pompous Harmon Nordness can be, should Billy cross over into Pennsylvania. But the worst part is Mary’s got a gun and she’s shooting out the window, just firing away like cowboys and Indians!”
“What!” both listeners exclaimed at once.
11
E xtra Billy flew down Frederick Street hanging left on two wheels as he made for the Emmitsburg pike, but he couldn’t get the old deuce coupe under control. When he finally straightened the Ford out he fishtailed over the Mason-Dixon line. He careened around the northwest side of the square, swerving in front of the Bon-Ton department store. He ran up on the curb, then overcorrected, only to drive right into the beautiful square itself. Mary was waving the gun. When they bumped hard going over the curb, she shot into the roof of the deuce coupe, which scared both of them. Billy didn’t watch where he was going and smashed right into the base of the Yankee general George Gordon Meade. The statue tilted just a bit but the deuce coupe sure got the worst of it.
Dazed, Billy spilled out of the car, sat down hard, then crawled up on all fours to pull a squealing Mary out.
Just then Louise, madder than a stepped-on hornet, alsojumped the curb and came to a lurching halt next to Billy’s car. Chessy, far more prudent, stopped at the intersection by St. Rose of Lima’s, cut the motor, and ran for the accident, as did Juts and Pearlie. On their heels were Celeste, Ramelle, and Fannie Jump, puffing hard since they had run from Celeste’s house, which was close to the square.
Extra Billy, with presence of mind, grabbed the gun from Mary. “I didn’t know she had it, honest, I didn’t.”
Louise yanked Mary to her feet, for she had slumped against the deuce coupe. “What’s the matter with you?”
“Don’t touch me! I hate you!” Mary wailed as she wrapped her arms around Extra Billy’s slender waist.
“Touch you. I will whip you within an inch of your life!”
“No!” Mary screamed.
Pearlie, now at the scene, made a fist ready to hit the young man when Chessy, fast up behind him, grabbed his arm.
“Pearlie, that’s not the way.”
Extra Billy gratefully cast his eyes at Chester and then behind him to the trio of women tromping over the square. The two cars had mashed the flowers, which Celeste gingerly stepped over.
“I won’t go home, I won’t go home!” Mary shrieked.
“You’ll do as I tell you.” Louise reached for her but Mary twisted away, all the while clinging to Billy, gun still in his hand.
Celeste reached for the gun, neatly removing it from Billy’s hand. “You won’t be needing that.”
“Uh—no, Miss Chalfonte.”
“Is it your gun?”
“No, ma’am.”
“It’s Daddy’s.” Mary wept.
When Pearlie spoke, his voice was shaking. “You’d better come home right now. We’ll straighten this out.”
Maizie, eyes big as golf balls, observed the whole thing, hersister imploring her with looks, since Maizie was always her ally except when the two were fighting.
A siren in the background promised further unpleasantness.
“Shit,” Extra Billy muttered.
“Don’t swear in front of me!” Louise snapped.
“I’m
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