a canyon at midnight had passed through his soul, he felt scraped bare. Naked. “No.”
“Yes, Daegan. No matter how much you deny it…you and I, we have a son.”
“But that’s impossible.” God, what was this? His mouth was so dry he wanted to spit. Of all the ridiculous lies—
She lifted her head, and her gaze, saturated with desperate agony, drilled into his. “He’s fifteen.” She was serious—dead serious, her face beneath her makeup pale as a ghost.
Over the sounds of laughter and clinking glasses, Daegan heard the unmistakable knell of doom. That part of his life he’d tried so hard to suppress, to hide, was about to come roaring back at him again.
Bands of steel seemed to constrict his lungs and he couldn’t begin to comprehend the truth—if that’s what it was. The world seemed to buckle beneath him, and all the lies, deceit, anger, and betrayal that he’d left in Boston seemed to chase after him like a relentless shadow. “No way.”
“Daegan, why would I come all the way here unless it was true?”
He didn’t say a word, just stared at her. His head reeled. Bile burned a hard path up his throat and he signaled for another beer. No! No! No! There has to be some mistake. Bibi was his cousin, part of a world he detested. No way could they have…
“I should have told you…you might have found a way that I could’ve gotten an abortion—”
“For the love of God, Bibi, what’re you saying?”
“But…Mother and Daddy found out that I was pregnant and they took charge and…I ended up having the baby—a boy—and giving him up for adoption. Oh, God, Daegan, I’m sorry.” Her throat worked and tears stood in her huge eyes.
Daegan felt as if the world had jolted to a stop. Bibi could be lying; it wouldn’t be the first time. But the haunted look in her gaze and the pinched corners of her mouth convinced him that she wouldn’t have made this trip without a good reason. A damned good reason. He closed his eyes for a second, trying to pull himself together. Think, O’Rourke, think! You’ve been in tight situations before and been able to work things out, but a kid. Oh, Jesus! She’s lying, she’s got to be. But why? When he opened his eyes, the glare he sent her could have cut through steel. “I don’t believe it.”
“Damn it, Daegan, why would I make this up? Why in the name of God would I lie?” She blinked hard and pride elevated her chin a few notches. When she took a final drag on her cigarette, it shook in her hands.
A son? He had a son? Painful images of his own childhood flashed before his eyes. He’d grown up without a father’s love, or recognition, with the cruel knowledge that the man who had sired him had considered him nothing but a mistake, a fluke of improper birth control, a big bother. “Wait a minute, Bibi. This is all too fast. Start over—” But he already knew the time, date, and place. He hadn’t been careful. Neither had she. Reckless, wanton, stupid kids. That’s what they’d been.
A whining song about love gained and lost played from hidden speakers. The waitress left another beer on the table. When she disappeared, Bibi jabbed out her cigarette and rolled her glass between both palms.
“How do you know it’s mine?” he asked.
A twisted smile curved her lips, but there was not a trace of merriment in her eyes. “I know, okay, Buckaroo? I wouldn’t pull this out of thin air. Even I’m not that crazy.”
He was still trying to find his equilibrium, to put his mind back onto a much-needed even keel. “Your folks—they know?”
“About you?” She shook her head and the dim lights played in her reddish tresses. “Are you kidding? It was bad enough telling them I was knocked up, but if they knew it was you…” She swallowed and blinked hard. “So I lied. Said it was some sailor I’d met, a guy named Roy Panaker, and they bought it. He didn’t even exist as far as I knew and they didn’t check when I told them he was married
“Yes, Daegan. No matter how much you deny it…you and I, we have a son.”
“But that’s impossible.” God, what was this? His mouth was so dry he wanted to spit. Of all the ridiculous lies—
She lifted her head, and her gaze, saturated with desperate agony, drilled into his. “He’s fifteen.” She was serious—dead serious, her face beneath her makeup pale as a ghost.
Over the sounds of laughter and clinking glasses, Daegan heard the unmistakable knell of doom. That part of his life he’d tried so hard to suppress, to hide, was about to come roaring back at him again.
Bands of steel seemed to constrict his lungs and he couldn’t begin to comprehend the truth—if that’s what it was. The world seemed to buckle beneath him, and all the lies, deceit, anger, and betrayal that he’d left in Boston seemed to chase after him like a relentless shadow. “No way.”
“Daegan, why would I come all the way here unless it was true?”
He didn’t say a word, just stared at her. His head reeled. Bile burned a hard path up his throat and he signaled for another beer. No! No! No! There has to be some mistake. Bibi was his cousin, part of a world he detested. No way could they have…
“I should have told you…you might have found a way that I could’ve gotten an abortion—”
“For the love of God, Bibi, what’re you saying?”
“But…Mother and Daddy found out that I was pregnant and they took charge and…I ended up having the baby—a boy—and giving him up for adoption. Oh, God, Daegan, I’m sorry.” Her throat worked and tears stood in her huge eyes.
Daegan felt as if the world had jolted to a stop. Bibi could be lying; it wouldn’t be the first time. But the haunted look in her gaze and the pinched corners of her mouth convinced him that she wouldn’t have made this trip without a good reason. A damned good reason. He closed his eyes for a second, trying to pull himself together. Think, O’Rourke, think! You’ve been in tight situations before and been able to work things out, but a kid. Oh, Jesus! She’s lying, she’s got to be. But why? When he opened his eyes, the glare he sent her could have cut through steel. “I don’t believe it.”
“Damn it, Daegan, why would I make this up? Why in the name of God would I lie?” She blinked hard and pride elevated her chin a few notches. When she took a final drag on her cigarette, it shook in her hands.
A son? He had a son? Painful images of his own childhood flashed before his eyes. He’d grown up without a father’s love, or recognition, with the cruel knowledge that the man who had sired him had considered him nothing but a mistake, a fluke of improper birth control, a big bother. “Wait a minute, Bibi. This is all too fast. Start over—” But he already knew the time, date, and place. He hadn’t been careful. Neither had she. Reckless, wanton, stupid kids. That’s what they’d been.
A whining song about love gained and lost played from hidden speakers. The waitress left another beer on the table. When she disappeared, Bibi jabbed out her cigarette and rolled her glass between both palms.
“How do you know it’s mine?” he asked.
A twisted smile curved her lips, but there was not a trace of merriment in her eyes. “I know, okay, Buckaroo? I wouldn’t pull this out of thin air. Even I’m not that crazy.”
He was still trying to find his equilibrium, to put his mind back onto a much-needed even keel. “Your folks—they know?”
“About you?” She shook her head and the dim lights played in her reddish tresses. “Are you kidding? It was bad enough telling them I was knocked up, but if they knew it was you…” She swallowed and blinked hard. “So I lied. Said it was some sailor I’d met, a guy named Roy Panaker, and they bought it. He didn’t even exist as far as I knew and they didn’t check when I told them he was married
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