was pulling me down, my head lowered until it was resting on the floor. My insides … my chest … how could losing someone hurt so fucking much? I felt like I was the one dying. The aching went beyond any physical pain I had ever experienced. The sensation wasn’t just an impression from my loss. Loneliness, sorrow, anguish, despair, they all pushed into the pain, weighing down not only my heart, but my entire body. I never wanted to move again. I didn’t feel as though I had the strength to even lift. Only one person in the world had the power to destroy me, and it was her. Had anyone ever wanted me to suffer, they would have done what Hunter had. She was my life and he’d taken it from me the moment he thrust that dagger into her chest.
“Please,” her sobbing voice said, breaking through. “I can’t bear it.”
She couldn’t bear it? I couldn’t fucking bear it. “Let me see you. I have to see you. Are you here? Can you see me?”
“No, I cannot.”
I lifted enough to look around the room, searching for something I knew wasn’t there. Her. As I pushed to my feet, my head shook. I couldn’t believe I was carrying on a conversation with a phantom voice in my head. It wasn’t her. It couldn’t be. It was me. All me. My brain just had to have been trying to cope with my grief. “So where are you, then? Are you a ghost?”
Nothing. I turned around, flipping the light off behind me and heading back to my room. The moment I shut the door, my shoulders caved and I walked over, letting myself fall back on the bed.
“I saw Hunter today. I’m going to kill him, Tessa. I’m going to make his last days ones he never forgets.”
“Hunter! He’s alive?”
My eyes narrowed as I slowly sat up. Why would my mind say or react that way?
“Tessa … where are you?”
Anger was beginning to take over my sadness. My pulse was causing my whole body to shake. Something wasn’t right. Something was off about what was happening.
“I’m dead, Marko. You know that.”
“Are you?”
Hesitation. “Tell me about Hunter.”
“No… Ma minette, is this really you?” More minutes went by and the only thing I heard was my increasing breaths. I was getting pissed and I wasn’t sure why. Again, I tried to tap into her death. Still, I couldn’t see it. Why was that? Had I really blocked it out?
My mind went back to Margo. She’d left without even saying goodbye. Or … she had and I didn’t remember that either. But why wouldn’t I? Yes, I was in shock. I couldn’t remember what happened days afterward, but that couldn’t be normal. There was no way I would have let her leave with Tessa, and she had. Why didn’t I stop her? Why couldn’t I even remember what happened after Tessa’s death?
Internally, I pulled Bufar to me. While I waited, I kept going over everything. It wasn’t adding up and it was starting to get under my skin.
A knock at the door had me pushing from the bed to stand. “Enter.”
The wooden barrier opened and he stepped in, shutting it behind him. It was clear he’d been asleep.
“I need to speak with you about the time right after Tessa’s death. What happened? Why didn’t Margo say goodbye and why did I let her take Tessa?”
Bufar’s eyes narrowed and his head shook, confused. “Master … you held a ceremony for Princess Tessalyn the day after they left. You ... helped Margo load the … body in their SUV. You were badly upset. Are you telling me you don’t remember any of it?”
I flexed my jaw, letting the red hot rage seep back into my veins. “I did not do any of that.”
“You did, Master. The whole city was at the ceremony. You can ask any one of them. They’ll tell you.”
My lids lowered while the denial reigned. “I did not .” When my stare came back to Bufar, he was closer to the door. “You were by Julius’s side for decades. What do you know of Margo? I get nothing when I tap into my mind. If Julius knew anything, his memories have been wiped, right
“Please,” her sobbing voice said, breaking through. “I can’t bear it.”
She couldn’t bear it? I couldn’t fucking bear it. “Let me see you. I have to see you. Are you here? Can you see me?”
“No, I cannot.”
I lifted enough to look around the room, searching for something I knew wasn’t there. Her. As I pushed to my feet, my head shook. I couldn’t believe I was carrying on a conversation with a phantom voice in my head. It wasn’t her. It couldn’t be. It was me. All me. My brain just had to have been trying to cope with my grief. “So where are you, then? Are you a ghost?”
Nothing. I turned around, flipping the light off behind me and heading back to my room. The moment I shut the door, my shoulders caved and I walked over, letting myself fall back on the bed.
“I saw Hunter today. I’m going to kill him, Tessa. I’m going to make his last days ones he never forgets.”
“Hunter! He’s alive?”
My eyes narrowed as I slowly sat up. Why would my mind say or react that way?
“Tessa … where are you?”
Anger was beginning to take over my sadness. My pulse was causing my whole body to shake. Something wasn’t right. Something was off about what was happening.
“I’m dead, Marko. You know that.”
“Are you?”
Hesitation. “Tell me about Hunter.”
“No… Ma minette, is this really you?” More minutes went by and the only thing I heard was my increasing breaths. I was getting pissed and I wasn’t sure why. Again, I tried to tap into her death. Still, I couldn’t see it. Why was that? Had I really blocked it out?
My mind went back to Margo. She’d left without even saying goodbye. Or … she had and I didn’t remember that either. But why wouldn’t I? Yes, I was in shock. I couldn’t remember what happened days afterward, but that couldn’t be normal. There was no way I would have let her leave with Tessa, and she had. Why didn’t I stop her? Why couldn’t I even remember what happened after Tessa’s death?
Internally, I pulled Bufar to me. While I waited, I kept going over everything. It wasn’t adding up and it was starting to get under my skin.
A knock at the door had me pushing from the bed to stand. “Enter.”
The wooden barrier opened and he stepped in, shutting it behind him. It was clear he’d been asleep.
“I need to speak with you about the time right after Tessa’s death. What happened? Why didn’t Margo say goodbye and why did I let her take Tessa?”
Bufar’s eyes narrowed and his head shook, confused. “Master … you held a ceremony for Princess Tessalyn the day after they left. You ... helped Margo load the … body in their SUV. You were badly upset. Are you telling me you don’t remember any of it?”
I flexed my jaw, letting the red hot rage seep back into my veins. “I did not do any of that.”
“You did, Master. The whole city was at the ceremony. You can ask any one of them. They’ll tell you.”
My lids lowered while the denial reigned. “I did not .” When my stare came back to Bufar, he was closer to the door. “You were by Julius’s side for decades. What do you know of Margo? I get nothing when I tap into my mind. If Julius knew anything, his memories have been wiped, right
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