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Authors: Ayala Malach Pines
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normal reaction that accompanies love, or as an instinctive reaction to a threat. They are less likely to see it as a defect.
It is possible that people who see themselves as less likely to control their jealous response need to believe that jealousy is not such a negative trait. The need to justify their own jealousy is so great that it keeps them from seeing the negative effect jealousy can have on intimate relationships. In fact, the more people described themselves as jealous, the more likely they were to have intimate relationships end because of their jealousy.
Is There a "Jealous Personality"?
People who have several intimate relationships end because of their jealousy usually describe themselves as having been jealous from a very young age. This has made some personality psychologists argue that such a thing as a "jealous personality" actually exists. Differences between people in the propensity to respond with jealousy, they claim, are not only valid and reliable over time-they even run in families.?
My own experience leads me to believe that labeling certain individuals as having "jealous personalities" doesn't do them much good, and can even be damaging. It is more helpful to look at people as having different predispositions to jealousy. As we saw in chapter one, jealousy originates very early in life. It is triggered again whenever there is a threat of losing a valued love relationship. People whom personality psychologists label "jealous personalities" tend to have had more traumatic experiences related to unfaithfulness, jealousy, or loss of' love in their childhood, and consequently have greater predisposition to respond with jealousy later in life.
I low jealous were you during the earlier stages of your life?
■ during childhood?
■ during adolescence?
■ during young adulthood?
■ (luring adulthood?
Of the people surveyed, the majority reported being most jealous during adolescence. It is possible that during this stormy period all experiences, including jealousy, are more intense. It is also possible that adolescents are most likely to fear losing their beloved because a lack of mutual commitment characterizes relationships at that stage of life. Both these reasons help explain the findings Of ',1 study of adolescents' love relationships. The study, which involved boys and girls aged 14-17, suggests that jealousy was the main cause of both physical and emotional violence among these aelolesccnl couples (Gagne & Levoie, 1997).
Most people report decreasing levels of jealousy after adolescence (less during young adulthood than (luring adolescence and less during advanced adulthood than during young adulthood). There are several ways to interpret these findings. It is possible that over time, people develop better coping strategies for dealing with their jealousy. It is possible that, with experience, people avoid relationships in which their jealousy is likely to be triggered often. It is possible that with age most people become more sure of themselves and thus are less likely to be threatened by certain jealousy triggers." It is possible that over time most couples develop a sense of security in their relationship and thus are less likely to view jealousy-triggering incidents as serious threats. And it is possible that the growing openness of society in general and the institution of marriage in particular has caused a general decline in jealousy
The fact that people who were more jealous than others in childhood also tend to be more jealous later in life supports the notion that people have stable predispositions for jealousy. Such a predisposition is influenced, among other things, by one's family constellation. Developmental psychologists see the roots of adult jealousy in sibling rivalry. The psychological pattern of reacting to jealousy triggers in later life, they argue, is determined by the child's first experience of jealousy when his desire for exclusivity with his mother is
It is possible that people who see themselves as less likely to control their jealous response need to believe that jealousy is not such a negative trait. The need to justify their own jealousy is so great that it keeps them from seeing the negative effect jealousy can have on intimate relationships. In fact, the more people described themselves as jealous, the more likely they were to have intimate relationships end because of their jealousy.
Is There a "Jealous Personality"?
People who have several intimate relationships end because of their jealousy usually describe themselves as having been jealous from a very young age. This has made some personality psychologists argue that such a thing as a "jealous personality" actually exists. Differences between people in the propensity to respond with jealousy, they claim, are not only valid and reliable over time-they even run in families.?
My own experience leads me to believe that labeling certain individuals as having "jealous personalities" doesn't do them much good, and can even be damaging. It is more helpful to look at people as having different predispositions to jealousy. As we saw in chapter one, jealousy originates very early in life. It is triggered again whenever there is a threat of losing a valued love relationship. People whom personality psychologists label "jealous personalities" tend to have had more traumatic experiences related to unfaithfulness, jealousy, or loss of' love in their childhood, and consequently have greater predisposition to respond with jealousy later in life.
I low jealous were you during the earlier stages of your life?
■ during childhood?
■ during adolescence?
■ during young adulthood?
■ (luring adulthood?
Of the people surveyed, the majority reported being most jealous during adolescence. It is possible that during this stormy period all experiences, including jealousy, are more intense. It is also possible that adolescents are most likely to fear losing their beloved because a lack of mutual commitment characterizes relationships at that stage of life. Both these reasons help explain the findings Of ',1 study of adolescents' love relationships. The study, which involved boys and girls aged 14-17, suggests that jealousy was the main cause of both physical and emotional violence among these aelolesccnl couples (Gagne & Levoie, 1997).
Most people report decreasing levels of jealousy after adolescence (less during young adulthood than (luring adolescence and less during advanced adulthood than during young adulthood). There are several ways to interpret these findings. It is possible that over time, people develop better coping strategies for dealing with their jealousy. It is possible that, with experience, people avoid relationships in which their jealousy is likely to be triggered often. It is possible that with age most people become more sure of themselves and thus are less likely to be threatened by certain jealousy triggers." It is possible that over time most couples develop a sense of security in their relationship and thus are less likely to view jealousy-triggering incidents as serious threats. And it is possible that the growing openness of society in general and the institution of marriage in particular has caused a general decline in jealousy
The fact that people who were more jealous than others in childhood also tend to be more jealous later in life supports the notion that people have stable predispositions for jealousy. Such a predisposition is influenced, among other things, by one's family constellation. Developmental psychologists see the roots of adult jealousy in sibling rivalry. The psychological pattern of reacting to jealousy triggers in later life, they argue, is determined by the child's first experience of jealousy when his desire for exclusivity with his mother is
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