Manny's drawings
and stuff hanging up all over the house.
The only thing that Gramma has from ME is this note I wrote her when I was six. I
was mad at her because she wouldn't give me any ice cream before dinner, so
here's what I wrote:
[Image: A note.] "I hate you Gramma."
Gramma has kept that note all these years, and she's STILL holding it over my
head.
[Image: A cartoon of a boy looking at the two women talking.] "And this is what
my wonderful grandson Gregory made for me!"
163
I guess every grandparent has their favorite, and I can understand that. But at least
Grandpa is up front about it.
[Image: A cartoon of a man pushing the other and saying something to another
man.] "Gregory is my favorite!"
Saturday
Well, Mom and Dad dumped me and Rodrick off at Grandpa's today, just like they
said they were gonna do.
I started looking for ways to entertain myself, but there's nothing in Grandpa's
condo that's fun to do, so I just sat down with him and watched TV. But Grandpa
doesn't even watch real shows. He just keeps his TV tuned to the security camera
that's in the front lobby of his building.
164
And after a few hours of THAT, you start to go a little nuts.
[Image: A cartoon of a boy and an old amn watching T.V.] "Oh, sure! Barry
Grossman has time to go out for a three-hour walk, but he doesn't have time to
return my vacuum!"
At about 5:00, Grandpa made us dinner. Grandpa makes this awful thing called
"watercress salad," and it's the worst thing you ever tasted.
It's basically a bunch of cold green beans and cucumbers floating in a pool of
vinegar.
[Image: A bowl of food.]
165
Rodrick knows I hate watercress salad more than ANYTHING, so the last time we
stayed at Grandpa's, Rodrick made sure to pile it on my plate.
[Image: A cartoon of a man and two boys at the dining table.] "Greg loves
waterglass salad!"
I had to sit there and choke down every bite so Grandpa's feelings wouldn't be hurt.
[Image: A cartoon of a boy trying to stuff the food into his mouth.]
And guess what I got as a reward for cleaning my plate?
[Image: A cartoon of a man putting the sweets on the table in front of the two
boys.] "Here you go!"
166
Tonight, Grandpa gave us our salad, and I acted like I was gonna eat it. But then I
just stuffed it all in my pocket when no one was looking.
It felt pretty disgusting when the cold vinegar started running down my leg, but
believe me it was about a thousand times better than having to EAT it.
[Image: A cartoon of two boys and a man sitting across the table.]
After dinner, the three of us went into the living room. Grandpa has all these really
old board games, and he always makes me and Rodrick play them with him.
He has this one game called "Gutbusters," where one player reads a card, and the
other player tries not to laugh.
167
I always beat Grandpa, mostly because the jokes don't make any sense to me.
[Image: A cartoon of a boy showing his toy to the old man.] "Putting economic
policy before fiscal responsibility is like putting the cart before the horse."
Haw, haw, haw!"
I always beat Rodrick, too, but that's because Rodrick loses on purpose. Whenever
it's my turn to read a card, he makes sure he has a big mouthful of milk.
[Image: A cartoon of a man looking at the boy throwing out milk onto another
boy.] "Bwahahaha!"
168
At 10:00, I was ready for bed. But Rodrick called the couch, and that meant I had
to sleep with Grandpa again.
All I can say is, if Mom and Dad were trying to teach me a lesson for covering for
Rodrick, well, mission accomplished.
[Image: A cartoon of a boy and the old man in bed.] "Could you put my teeth in
that glass?"
Sunday
Rodrick has a big Science Fair project due right before Christmas break, and it
looks like Mom and Dad are making Rodrick do this one all by himself.
169
Last year, Rodrick's science project was called "Does Watching Violent Movies
Make People Think Violent Thoughts?"
I guess the idea was to
and stuff hanging up all over the house.
The only thing that Gramma has from ME is this note I wrote her when I was six. I
was mad at her because she wouldn't give me any ice cream before dinner, so
here's what I wrote:
[Image: A note.] "I hate you Gramma."
Gramma has kept that note all these years, and she's STILL holding it over my
head.
[Image: A cartoon of a boy looking at the two women talking.] "And this is what
my wonderful grandson Gregory made for me!"
163
I guess every grandparent has their favorite, and I can understand that. But at least
Grandpa is up front about it.
[Image: A cartoon of a man pushing the other and saying something to another
man.] "Gregory is my favorite!"
Saturday
Well, Mom and Dad dumped me and Rodrick off at Grandpa's today, just like they
said they were gonna do.
I started looking for ways to entertain myself, but there's nothing in Grandpa's
condo that's fun to do, so I just sat down with him and watched TV. But Grandpa
doesn't even watch real shows. He just keeps his TV tuned to the security camera
that's in the front lobby of his building.
164
And after a few hours of THAT, you start to go a little nuts.
[Image: A cartoon of a boy and an old amn watching T.V.] "Oh, sure! Barry
Grossman has time to go out for a three-hour walk, but he doesn't have time to
return my vacuum!"
At about 5:00, Grandpa made us dinner. Grandpa makes this awful thing called
"watercress salad," and it's the worst thing you ever tasted.
It's basically a bunch of cold green beans and cucumbers floating in a pool of
vinegar.
[Image: A bowl of food.]
165
Rodrick knows I hate watercress salad more than ANYTHING, so the last time we
stayed at Grandpa's, Rodrick made sure to pile it on my plate.
[Image: A cartoon of a man and two boys at the dining table.] "Greg loves
waterglass salad!"
I had to sit there and choke down every bite so Grandpa's feelings wouldn't be hurt.
[Image: A cartoon of a boy trying to stuff the food into his mouth.]
And guess what I got as a reward for cleaning my plate?
[Image: A cartoon of a man putting the sweets on the table in front of the two
boys.] "Here you go!"
166
Tonight, Grandpa gave us our salad, and I acted like I was gonna eat it. But then I
just stuffed it all in my pocket when no one was looking.
It felt pretty disgusting when the cold vinegar started running down my leg, but
believe me it was about a thousand times better than having to EAT it.
[Image: A cartoon of two boys and a man sitting across the table.]
After dinner, the three of us went into the living room. Grandpa has all these really
old board games, and he always makes me and Rodrick play them with him.
He has this one game called "Gutbusters," where one player reads a card, and the
other player tries not to laugh.
167
I always beat Grandpa, mostly because the jokes don't make any sense to me.
[Image: A cartoon of a boy showing his toy to the old man.] "Putting economic
policy before fiscal responsibility is like putting the cart before the horse."
Haw, haw, haw!"
I always beat Rodrick, too, but that's because Rodrick loses on purpose. Whenever
it's my turn to read a card, he makes sure he has a big mouthful of milk.
[Image: A cartoon of a man looking at the boy throwing out milk onto another
boy.] "Bwahahaha!"
168
At 10:00, I was ready for bed. But Rodrick called the couch, and that meant I had
to sleep with Grandpa again.
All I can say is, if Mom and Dad were trying to teach me a lesson for covering for
Rodrick, well, mission accomplished.
[Image: A cartoon of a boy and the old man in bed.] "Could you put my teeth in
that glass?"
Sunday
Rodrick has a big Science Fair project due right before Christmas break, and it
looks like Mom and Dad are making Rodrick do this one all by himself.
169
Last year, Rodrick's science project was called "Does Watching Violent Movies
Make People Think Violent Thoughts?"
I guess the idea was to
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