and a warm fleece jacket thrown on, I made my way back down the stairs and to the side door of the house. Dad was still sitting at the table, his hands around his own coffee cup, but the daily paper stretched out across the surface of the wood.
Just seeing him brought emotions I had buried down deep within my soul to the surface. Without thinking, I approached him from behind and wrapped my arms around his strong shoulders. He startled in surprise, but relaxed and patted my arms with his worn, work-roughened hands.
“You’re not going somewhere are you?” he asked, and I noticed how he tried to keep his voice calm.
“No,” I said and released my arms from around him and kissed him on the head. “That was for the last time.”
He patted my arm again and I knew I was forgiven. It felt as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders as I turned and left the house, stepping into the brisk morning Maine-air.
My breath puffed in front of me, in little clouds that dissipated with the chilling breeze, as I made my way down the driveway and onto the road. This time I was taking the long way to town, wanting to avoid as many people as possible. There were hardly any cars along the almost private drive; I had little to fear of oncoming traffic.
Scrunching my toes, I tried to walk comfortably in the tight athletic shoes. After months of going barefoot, shoes were one thing I was having a hard time adjusting too. Each step on the asphalt sent a soft shock up my legs and I began to feel more aware of everything around me than I had in a long time. Taking a deep breath, I filled my lungs for what seemed like the first time in ages. The sounds of crackling branches and far off crashing waves reached my ears and there was a feeling of excitement in the air; a quiet shrouded form of anticipation for the looming snow fall. The energy of my surroundings filled me with the need to move. Like the thrum of a drum beat, I could feel the rhythm of energy pounding in my veins and before I knew what was happening, I was running.
My legs pumped harder and harder as I streaked down the roadway and into town. My hair rippled in slow motion beside my face and I quickly pulled up the hood of the jacket, to keep unknowing eyes from seeing the odd movement.
The feeling of my blood running through my body, my heart having to pump oxygen through my veins, only made me push forward faster. The need to feel alive thrummed through my entire being and I ran with a speed I never knew I had.
Running across Main Street, I dodged around people but I hardly noticed their presence. I wanted and needed to get away from anyone nearby, and I surged forward into the outskirts of town where I kept on running. My pounding limbs kept me moving and when the snow began to fall I turned back toward town. It was almost midday when I reached Main Street once more and the shops and restaurants were crowded with bundled up tourists, who scuttled from one warm doorway to the next like crabs moving from meal to meal. I jogged past them without making eye contact, while my hood bounced up and down around my eyes.
More than once, I heard someone call my name but ignored it, trying to pretend I was listening to music. I smiled internally, thinking about how ridiculous I was, but the need to keep going and feel something was enough to have kept me running for the past two hours.
With a large exhalation, that blew the snowflakes off my lips, I saw the pier up ahead and ran for the wooden planks. Only before I stepped onto the solid beams, did I have the intelligence to slow my pace and stop running. My legs strained upon stopping and threatened to give way, but I kept walking through the newly fallen snow and onto the slick boards of the pier. The exhaustion in my legs and the pounding in my heart brought a heat to my face that I hadn’t felt in so long.
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