Read Online Riotous Retirement by Brian Robertson, Ron Smallwood - Free Book Online
Authors: Brian Robertson, Ron Smallwood
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its side, wheels still spinning and Liz’s large blue frame comfortably deposited into a huge patch of soft fern about five metres further down the path from where the group had been standing.
Fortunately it was egos that suffered the greatest damage, especially Gabriel’s since the committee had obviously missed that particular raised pavement; but neither had it been a pleasant experience for Cedric, his assistant or Helga and it had been particularly unpleasant for Liz Waverly. She had been coming down to the village centre after a convivial lunch with a few friends whose company she always enjoyed and was in a very happy mood prior to the accident. Helga wasn’t sure who started the rumour but within a day she heard that Gabriel had been referred to as an egotistical plonker—or perhaps she had just thought of that herself—and Liz Waverly had been called a fat lush who wasn’t fit to drive on the road, never mind on the pavement. Helga knew well that there would be accusation and counter accusation flying for the next few weeks and she could not help but feel that if bloody Gabriel had not been there things might have turned out differently. What she was sure of was that there would be no triple A rating for the village in the area of health and safety.
Gabriel on the other hand was fast becoming disillusioned with his new position as health and safety committee team leader and no matter how Brenda, his wife, had tried to comfort him that evening and assure him that it was not his fault, he had a very bad premonition about the whole affair. He didn’t know at the time just how bad it was really going to get.
The next day was carpet bowls morning. Gabriel was a player in the village team. He tried to dominate here as he did with the health and safety committee but there were several equally strong characters in the bowling group who were well able to hold their own. That morning they all had tentative searching and teasing type questions to put to Gabriel because, as expected, the village was abuzz about the events of the previous day. Was Gabriel going to sue his own health and safety committee? Was Liz going to sue him and more importantly, when will we see the report of the village EH&S audit and did he expect a mention in dispatches—good or bad? Everyone on the team enjoyed the morning banter even more than they enjoyed the bowls, and all at Gabriel’s expense. Gabriel, who usually enjoyed being the centre of attention, just smiled as though it bothered him not one bit.
The game proceeded as normal until at the end of one end, nature called Gabriel to the toilet. He excused himself. The teams waited patiently.
After ten minutes or so, during which time some of the players had taken the opportunity to make a cup of tea, they were becoming a little anxious to start the game again.
“Come on Gabriel,” someone called out loudly, “Liz has gone home and we made her promise not to sue you. You can come out now.” But there was still no Gabriel so two others on Gabriel’s team went into the toilet just to ensure that Gabriel was alright. Those patiently waiting were astounded to hear a very loud “Oh my God!” quickly followed by uproarious laughter.
Now, during the previous two weeks Gabriel had inspected and discussed with the health and safety committee the width between the left and right support rails at either side of all the toilet seats in both women’s and men’s toilets. The other two of the three-member committee had suggested that the space between the rails be widened on all the toilet seats in both women’s and men’s toilets. Gabriel had agreed to recommend that the women’s rails be widened because he had seen how wide Liz Waverly was but was not aware of any men in the village who would require the gent’s toilet seat rails to be at a wider setting. Neither of the other two Health and Safety Committee members were brave enough to mention to Gabriel that there’s none so blind
Fortunately it was egos that suffered the greatest damage, especially Gabriel’s since the committee had obviously missed that particular raised pavement; but neither had it been a pleasant experience for Cedric, his assistant or Helga and it had been particularly unpleasant for Liz Waverly. She had been coming down to the village centre after a convivial lunch with a few friends whose company she always enjoyed and was in a very happy mood prior to the accident. Helga wasn’t sure who started the rumour but within a day she heard that Gabriel had been referred to as an egotistical plonker—or perhaps she had just thought of that herself—and Liz Waverly had been called a fat lush who wasn’t fit to drive on the road, never mind on the pavement. Helga knew well that there would be accusation and counter accusation flying for the next few weeks and she could not help but feel that if bloody Gabriel had not been there things might have turned out differently. What she was sure of was that there would be no triple A rating for the village in the area of health and safety.
Gabriel on the other hand was fast becoming disillusioned with his new position as health and safety committee team leader and no matter how Brenda, his wife, had tried to comfort him that evening and assure him that it was not his fault, he had a very bad premonition about the whole affair. He didn’t know at the time just how bad it was really going to get.
The next day was carpet bowls morning. Gabriel was a player in the village team. He tried to dominate here as he did with the health and safety committee but there were several equally strong characters in the bowling group who were well able to hold their own. That morning they all had tentative searching and teasing type questions to put to Gabriel because, as expected, the village was abuzz about the events of the previous day. Was Gabriel going to sue his own health and safety committee? Was Liz going to sue him and more importantly, when will we see the report of the village EH&S audit and did he expect a mention in dispatches—good or bad? Everyone on the team enjoyed the morning banter even more than they enjoyed the bowls, and all at Gabriel’s expense. Gabriel, who usually enjoyed being the centre of attention, just smiled as though it bothered him not one bit.
The game proceeded as normal until at the end of one end, nature called Gabriel to the toilet. He excused himself. The teams waited patiently.
After ten minutes or so, during which time some of the players had taken the opportunity to make a cup of tea, they were becoming a little anxious to start the game again.
“Come on Gabriel,” someone called out loudly, “Liz has gone home and we made her promise not to sue you. You can come out now.” But there was still no Gabriel so two others on Gabriel’s team went into the toilet just to ensure that Gabriel was alright. Those patiently waiting were astounded to hear a very loud “Oh my God!” quickly followed by uproarious laughter.
Now, during the previous two weeks Gabriel had inspected and discussed with the health and safety committee the width between the left and right support rails at either side of all the toilet seats in both women’s and men’s toilets. The other two of the three-member committee had suggested that the space between the rails be widened on all the toilet seats in both women’s and men’s toilets. Gabriel had agreed to recommend that the women’s rails be widened because he had seen how wide Liz Waverly was but was not aware of any men in the village who would require the gent’s toilet seat rails to be at a wider setting. Neither of the other two Health and Safety Committee members were brave enough to mention to Gabriel that there’s none so blind
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