Read Online Rio Loco by Robert J. Conley - Free Book Online Page B

Bonnie, so I done it. Then I laid still for a spell to make sure that I hadn’t woke her. She was still a-sawinglogs. So I brung my other leg up and over. Then there weren’t nothing for it but to pull myself up to where I was a-setting right on her and then to slide off on the far side, so I done that, but I done it real slow, and I never woked her up neither.
    When I was final a-standing on dry ground with my two feet, I stood there real still and looked down at her for a spell. I couldn’t see that I had disturbed her none a’tall. She were a deep sleeper, that’s for sure. I picked up my tumbler from where we had dropped it and went out to my desk for a refill a’ whiskey. I dranked it down in a record time a-setting back behint my desk. I think ever’one else in there was still fast asleep, and I never before in my life had heared such a cacophony a’ snoring. (I learnt that there word from ole Dingle. I like to use it when I can.)
    I stood up and farted a big fart, but it never woke up no one. I thunk about pouring out for myself another good glass full a’ whiskey, but I never. Instead I went out the front door and looked over the mainest street of Asininity. It looked quiet all right. I didn’t see no one out on the street. Course, it were early in the morning. The Hooch House was all closed up, I knowed. I walked out in the middle a’ the street and looked up on the roof a’ the jailhouse. I seen Happy a-setting up there looking out over the town and a-holding a Winchester rifle. “Happy,” I called out to him
    He looked down at me. “What, Barjack?”
    â€œIs ever’thing as quiet as it looks to be?”
    â€œYes, sir.”
    â€œYou ain’t seen no cowhands come a-riding in from any direction?”
    â€œNary a one.”
    â€œWell, that’s good,” I said.
    â€œBarjack?”
    â€œWhat, ole pard?”
    â€œAin’t my time about up here?”
    â€œI reckon it is. I’ll go chase out Butcher.”
    I went back inside after hollering out my name. When I stepped in, wasn’t no one threatening me. I looked around the room, and I seen Butcher sprawled out on the floor a-snoring. I walked over to where he was at and give him a swift kick in the ass. He jumped up, real surprised. His eyes was real big. “What? What?” he said.
    â€œI’d say it was about time you went up on top and spelled ole Happy for a while.”
    â€œOh. Right. I’m on my way, Barjack.”
    He struggled on up to his feet, found his hat, and pulled it down tight. Then he headed out the front door. He was wearing his six-gun, but he didn’t take no rifle with him. He would take the rifle Happy had up there. Whenever he went out, he slammed the door and woked up near ever’one else. They all went to moaning around and stretching and such. In another minute Happy come in, and he went right over to the coffeepot and commenced building a pot a’ coffee. I don’t rightly know just what it was that I had in my mind to do with myself, but the thought a’ that coffee got to me in a big way. I wanted some real bad, so I just went back behint my desk and set down to wait.
    It turned out to be a long wait, so I went and poured myself another whiskey. I was a-thinking about the big bad fight what was most likely coming our way. I recalled the big fights what I’d had in the past ever since I had become town marshal a’ Asininity. I even thunk way back to the first big fight I’d had. The one with the damn Bensons. And it come to me that I had whipped them largely on account a’ I had used dynamite. I had blowed their asses all over town. It come to me then that just in case it turned out to be real bad, I’d ought to have me some dynamite. “Happy,” I said, “how long is it before that coffee is ready to be drunk?”
    â€œAw, I don’t know, Barjack. It’ll be a few minutes