harder for him to leave. And he really needs to go, to live the life Zeke would want for him. I won’t stand in the way of their dreams. I would rather live in hell for the rest of my life knowing that Zane is happy and doing what he and his brother wanted most, than hold him back so I don’t lose him. When you love someone, sometimes you have to let them go.
I follow him down the stairs and out the door. We put the last two boxes in his truck, and make sure everything is secured in the back. My grandmother has just stepped outside, but before she can walk down the steps to come to him, Zane jogs up so he can say his goodbyes. I watch the exchange, but when I see Gram kiss his cheek I have to look away. Zane is such a big part of our lives, I know she will miss him dearly. After saying one last goodbye and giving her a final hug, he turns around and walks back to me. His parents aren’t out here, but I’m sure they’ve already said their goodbyes this morning.
Once he reaches me, he pulls me in for one last hug. He’s holding on to me so tight I can barely breathe, but I don’t want him to ever let me go, even if it kills me. At least if I die right this second, it would be in his arms. He kisses the top of my head, gives me a final squeeze, and lets me go. I look up into his eyes and see something I’ve never seen before: desperation, but it’s gone before I can think any more of it.
He leans down and presses his forehead against mine. With his eyes closed, he takes a deep breath and slowly releases it. His warm breath hits my face and sends chills down my back. “Take care of yourself, Baby Girl.” Before I can answer him, he releases his hold on me and gets in his truck. I’m in a daze as I step back onto the sidewalk before he pulls away from the curb. I stand there until I can no longer see him, then drop into the grass and stare at my hands. He’s gone.
I’m not sure how long I sit outside, but eventually I make my way into the house. I walk right past Gram and up to my room. As soon as I open my door, I strip out of my dress, grab my sleep shorts, and throw on an old shirt of Zane’s. I grab Zeke’s football and my phone before slipping under the covers.
I send a quick text to Gunnar to let him know I’m not feeling up to doing anything tonight and that I’ll call him tomorrow. Before I turn my phone off, I type a message to Zane. One last goodbye.
Me: I miss you already…
Chapter 6
You’d think that staying in bed all day and feeling depressed would make the days tick by slowly. But instead, I woke up this morning and it was already Thursday and first day of my junior year. As soon as I opened my eyes, I knew today was going to be a horrible day. Not only have I not been able to sleep since Zane left, but also knowing I wouldn’t be riding to school with him or even seeing him at some point today is almost enough to break me.
We haven’t talked since he left except for his reply to my text that he would see me soon. And a couple hours later when he let me know he made it. I couldn’t bring myself to reply, even though I probably should have. I thought I would need a couple days to get used to the idea of him not being here, but now it’s Thursday and I still haven’t replied. I need to get over it and call him already. I don’t want him to know how much I’m suffering, or risk him thinking I don’t miss him.
After getting out of the shower, I grab a pair of cutoff shorts and a tank top, then slip on an old sweatshirt I stole from Zane last year. It’s huge on me and almost covers all of my shorts so it looks like I’m not wearing anything underneath, but I don’t give a damn; I want to have something of his with me today. I should care what I look like, since it’s the first day of school and I’ll see Gunnar at some point, but I can’t bring myself to be concerned. I toss my hair up into a messy bun, throw on my tennis shoes, and
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