me.” Burying my face in my hands, I mumbled, “I don’t deserve you.”
He pulled my hands away. “Look at me.”
“I’m going to leave town as soon as I can.”
“No.” He shook his head. “Don’t leave. You mean everything to me. You think you don’t deserve me? It’s the other way around, Kayla.” He swallowed, and his hands trembled as he dragged them through his hair. “I’m not innocent in all this. Whatever you feel for him . . . he brainwashed you, but I put you in that position.”
I shook my head. “You didn’t know he was blackmailing me. It was a simple hug. Gage went off the deep end all on his own and for no reason at all.”
“I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about the reason he’s doing this to you.” He sucked in a deep breath. “I haven’t been honest with you. There are things in my past I never told you about.”
Suddenly, the subtle, white noise of the hospital roared in my ears; the soft scuff of sneakers padding down the hall, and the ticking of the clock above the door of his office. My gaze touched on everything but him—the framed degrees and certificates on the walls, the filing cabinets, and the picture sitting on the desk of an older woman with two little boys. Obviously, he shared the space with a colleague. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realized how these inane thoughts provided a distraction. A much needed one, because no way was I ready to hear whatever he was about to say. He had yet to utter a word, but I already felt the impact of what remained unspoken in the pit of my stomach.
He got up and paced the floor, growing more agitated with each step. “I was young and stupid, and I’ve lived with the shame for over a decade now. I’ve spent every moment since trying to make up for it.”
I cleared my throat. “Make up for what?”
“I was sixteen, popular and on top of the world, and my parents idolized me. All my dad cared about was my future in football. I was barely a junior, but I already had scouts looking at me. One night . . . it was just one night, but that night changed everything. It’s the reason I became a doctor.”
“What are you trying to tell me?”
“I’m saying that everything he’s done to you is my fault.” He fell into the chair beside me and dragged his hands through his hair. “I got drunk at a party . . . and was stupid enough to get behind the wheel.”
A deep chill speared through me. “What happened?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper.
“I rolled the car.” He buried his face in his hands for a moment, and when he looked up, his hazel eyes shone bright with the guilt he carried. “I had no business being with her in the first place, but she was older, and I fell hard.”
I knew what was coming next. I knew, but I didn’t want to hear it.
“Liz died. I killed her, and Gage has never forgiven me.”
“How . . .” I cleared my throat. “How do you know him?”
He visibly gulped, as if he could swallow the words and keep them locked away forever. “He’s my brother.”
11. S URPRISE P ARTY
Did everyone lie and keep secrets?
I unstrapped Eve from her car seat and helped her to her feet. She took off running toward our doorstep, and I scrambled to catch up with her, despising my state of distraction. “Eve, wait for mommy.” I felt sick on the inside, disoriented, as if someone had turned me upside down and let all sense of reality tumble out. I couldn’t form a coherent thought. It was all garbled words and phrases coming together in my head, and none of it made sense.
“Mommy, what’s wrong?”
Even she could pick up on my chaotic state of mind. “Nothing, baby.” I faked a smile for her sake and pushed the door open into our dark apartment. I flicked on the light, so distracted that I didn’t realize anything was wrong until it was too late. The cold, hard barrel of a gun pressed into the back of my head, and though I couldn’t see him, I immediately recognized the
He pulled my hands away. “Look at me.”
“I’m going to leave town as soon as I can.”
“No.” He shook his head. “Don’t leave. You mean everything to me. You think you don’t deserve me? It’s the other way around, Kayla.” He swallowed, and his hands trembled as he dragged them through his hair. “I’m not innocent in all this. Whatever you feel for him . . . he brainwashed you, but I put you in that position.”
I shook my head. “You didn’t know he was blackmailing me. It was a simple hug. Gage went off the deep end all on his own and for no reason at all.”
“I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about the reason he’s doing this to you.” He sucked in a deep breath. “I haven’t been honest with you. There are things in my past I never told you about.”
Suddenly, the subtle, white noise of the hospital roared in my ears; the soft scuff of sneakers padding down the hall, and the ticking of the clock above the door of his office. My gaze touched on everything but him—the framed degrees and certificates on the walls, the filing cabinets, and the picture sitting on the desk of an older woman with two little boys. Obviously, he shared the space with a colleague. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realized how these inane thoughts provided a distraction. A much needed one, because no way was I ready to hear whatever he was about to say. He had yet to utter a word, but I already felt the impact of what remained unspoken in the pit of my stomach.
He got up and paced the floor, growing more agitated with each step. “I was young and stupid, and I’ve lived with the shame for over a decade now. I’ve spent every moment since trying to make up for it.”
I cleared my throat. “Make up for what?”
“I was sixteen, popular and on top of the world, and my parents idolized me. All my dad cared about was my future in football. I was barely a junior, but I already had scouts looking at me. One night . . . it was just one night, but that night changed everything. It’s the reason I became a doctor.”
“What are you trying to tell me?”
“I’m saying that everything he’s done to you is my fault.” He fell into the chair beside me and dragged his hands through his hair. “I got drunk at a party . . . and was stupid enough to get behind the wheel.”
A deep chill speared through me. “What happened?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper.
“I rolled the car.” He buried his face in his hands for a moment, and when he looked up, his hazel eyes shone bright with the guilt he carried. “I had no business being with her in the first place, but she was older, and I fell hard.”
I knew what was coming next. I knew, but I didn’t want to hear it.
“Liz died. I killed her, and Gage has never forgiven me.”
“How . . .” I cleared my throat. “How do you know him?”
He visibly gulped, as if he could swallow the words and keep them locked away forever. “He’s my brother.”
11. S URPRISE P ARTY
Did everyone lie and keep secrets?
I unstrapped Eve from her car seat and helped her to her feet. She took off running toward our doorstep, and I scrambled to catch up with her, despising my state of distraction. “Eve, wait for mommy.” I felt sick on the inside, disoriented, as if someone had turned me upside down and let all sense of reality tumble out. I couldn’t form a coherent thought. It was all garbled words and phrases coming together in my head, and none of it made sense.
“Mommy, what’s wrong?”
Even she could pick up on my chaotic state of mind. “Nothing, baby.” I faked a smile for her sake and pushed the door open into our dark apartment. I flicked on the light, so distracted that I didn’t realize anything was wrong until it was too late. The cold, hard barrel of a gun pressed into the back of my head, and though I couldn’t see him, I immediately recognized the
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