would have found her your only haven.” He shrugged. “But you weren’t there and she said she hadn’t seen you. I kept looking, but with less and less hope.” He fixed his eyes on mine again. “I still cannot believe I found you here today.”
I was finding it a little hard to breathe. How many nights had I tortured myself, imagining how quickly Stephen must have been attracted to Ann to take her as a lover the very day he met her? Sometimes I was able to convince myself that he brought her to his bed merely because she looked enough like me to satisfy him in the dark. More often I remembered her fair skin, her silky blond hair, her grace and her elegance, and I thought he had been drawn to her because she was, in so many ways, my exact opposite. But it had never occurred to me that the encounter would mean so little to him that he would gloss over it as if it had not even happened.
“I did not expect to find you in Laban, either,” I said. “I was told you lived now in Monteverde. That’s a pretty long way to come merely to attend a small-town festival.”
He smiled slightly. “Ariel sent me to Windy Point with a message for Raphael,” he said. “Enough of the other angels were going to Laban that I thought it might be enjoyable. I always think it is good to perform in these small venues, for it is rare that common men and women get a chance to hear the angels singing.”
I had recovered my poise, or mostly. “Why did you leave Windy Point?” I asked. “And go to Monteverde, of all places?”
He was silent a moment. “I found—there were things about Raphael—I disagreed too often with the way he ran the hold,” he said finally. It was clear he was editing out all kinds of calamitous detail. “To stay would have made me complicit in some of his behaviors. I do not want to claim that I am more virtuous than the next man—but I am not capable of living the way Raphael lives.”
This raised my eyebrows practically to my hairline. “I always thought Raphael had the capacity to be utterly dissolute,” I said. “I always thought that if he had been a mortal man, blessed with the same good looks and a certain amount of property, he would have sown bastards across the countryside and finished every night in a drunken stupor. But I believed that the very office of Archangel would have forced him to a higher standard. He is so much in the public eye. Angels from all holds are in and out of Windy Point on a daily basis. He could not possibly be as corrupt as he had the potential to be.”
Stephen actually seemed relieved to hear me put the case so bluntly, for he was nodding energetically. “Yes—so you would think—but he found ways early on to separate the public business of the hold from the private. There are parts of Windy Point that visitors rarely see. And thus there are activities that occur in Windy Point—well. I can only say that if Gabriel and Ariel knew about them, I think they would petition the god to relieve Raphael of his responsibility before his term officially ended.”
“Those are grave charges,” I said.
Stephen nodded. “But I think you know the man well enough not to be shocked.”
“Everything I hear about Gabriel leads me to believe he will be a better Archangel in every sense.”
Stephen nodded again. “He is young, but he has a great deal of presence and self-assurance. I know that Ariel admires him greatly. Some angels will tell you that he is arrogant, and others will complain that his standards of behavior are so high no one can be expected to meet them. I say, after Raphael, no Archangel could be too righteous or too demanding. I plan to be at the Gloria and sing with all my heart the year that Gabriel is installed in that office.”
“That will be an event worth celebrating,” I agreed.
Suddenly Stephen fixed me with his intense gaze again. It was as if, while we discussed Raphael’s flaws, he had forgotten that more personal matters lay between us, but
I was finding it a little hard to breathe. How many nights had I tortured myself, imagining how quickly Stephen must have been attracted to Ann to take her as a lover the very day he met her? Sometimes I was able to convince myself that he brought her to his bed merely because she looked enough like me to satisfy him in the dark. More often I remembered her fair skin, her silky blond hair, her grace and her elegance, and I thought he had been drawn to her because she was, in so many ways, my exact opposite. But it had never occurred to me that the encounter would mean so little to him that he would gloss over it as if it had not even happened.
“I did not expect to find you in Laban, either,” I said. “I was told you lived now in Monteverde. That’s a pretty long way to come merely to attend a small-town festival.”
He smiled slightly. “Ariel sent me to Windy Point with a message for Raphael,” he said. “Enough of the other angels were going to Laban that I thought it might be enjoyable. I always think it is good to perform in these small venues, for it is rare that common men and women get a chance to hear the angels singing.”
I had recovered my poise, or mostly. “Why did you leave Windy Point?” I asked. “And go to Monteverde, of all places?”
He was silent a moment. “I found—there were things about Raphael—I disagreed too often with the way he ran the hold,” he said finally. It was clear he was editing out all kinds of calamitous detail. “To stay would have made me complicit in some of his behaviors. I do not want to claim that I am more virtuous than the next man—but I am not capable of living the way Raphael lives.”
This raised my eyebrows practically to my hairline. “I always thought Raphael had the capacity to be utterly dissolute,” I said. “I always thought that if he had been a mortal man, blessed with the same good looks and a certain amount of property, he would have sown bastards across the countryside and finished every night in a drunken stupor. But I believed that the very office of Archangel would have forced him to a higher standard. He is so much in the public eye. Angels from all holds are in and out of Windy Point on a daily basis. He could not possibly be as corrupt as he had the potential to be.”
Stephen actually seemed relieved to hear me put the case so bluntly, for he was nodding energetically. “Yes—so you would think—but he found ways early on to separate the public business of the hold from the private. There are parts of Windy Point that visitors rarely see. And thus there are activities that occur in Windy Point—well. I can only say that if Gabriel and Ariel knew about them, I think they would petition the god to relieve Raphael of his responsibility before his term officially ended.”
“Those are grave charges,” I said.
Stephen nodded. “But I think you know the man well enough not to be shocked.”
“Everything I hear about Gabriel leads me to believe he will be a better Archangel in every sense.”
Stephen nodded again. “He is young, but he has a great deal of presence and self-assurance. I know that Ariel admires him greatly. Some angels will tell you that he is arrogant, and others will complain that his standards of behavior are so high no one can be expected to meet them. I say, after Raphael, no Archangel could be too righteous or too demanding. I plan to be at the Gloria and sing with all my heart the year that Gabriel is installed in that office.”
“That will be an event worth celebrating,” I agreed.
Suddenly Stephen fixed me with his intense gaze again. It was as if, while we discussed Raphael’s flaws, he had forgotten that more personal matters lay between us, but
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