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Authors: Max Allan Collins
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was his bedroom, where I was headed.
His bed was making noise.
Glugg glugg glugg. Like a hundred midgets swallowing,
Then I remembered. It was a waterbed. Red satin sheets, brown leather padded frame. There’s nothing more pathetic than a middle-aged man who’s trying to be twenty.
He was alone in the thing. Or on it. I don’t think you can be “in” a waterbed. Personally I like to be in control of what I’m sleeping in. On.
He was sound asleep.
I put the nose of the silenced gun against his throat.
He woke up.
Sat up, and the bed rolled and rocked under him.
“Don’t turn on the lights,” I said.
“All right,” Tree said. Calmly. The sea beneath wasn’t calming yet, though.
“Did you sic some boys on me?”
“I don’t even know who the hell you are.”
“You know me. You don’t know my name, but you know me.”
“I don’t sic anybody on you, no.”
“Somebody did. I got jumped by a couple of guys tonight, and if they are yours, just tell me, and I’ll leave town right now. I don’t believe in hanging around where I’m unpopular.”
“Whoever jumped you, they weren’t mine.”
“I hope not. There’s something you better understand. I’m no danger to you. I’m no threat. I’m maybe your salvation.”
“You got a funny way of showing it.” He was referring to the nine-millimeter, the nose of which was still up against his Adam’s apple.
“I’m just being cautious,” I said, easing the gun off, but only a hair. “It’s what keeps me alive. You could profit by my example. See, somebody’s got you set up for the hit. Now. If you want my help, fine. I can try and get between you and the people trying to kill you. I may even be able to find out who hired the job done. But, on the other hand. If you think I’m insane, or a blackmailer, or some kind of con man, or if you simply prefer to handle the situation yourself, or God forbid go to the cops with it, well that’s fine, too. You’ll get blown away, but that’s no skin off my ass. So. Say the word and I’m on my way. It’s up to you.”
“What’s in it for you . . . helping me, I mean.”
“Money.”
“How much?”
“What’s your life worth to you? It’ll be cheap at half the price.”
The bed was finally settling down, making a lap lap sound, like waves rolling into shore.
“If someone wants me dead,” he said, quietly, “I can use all the help I can get.”
“That’s good sound thinking. Especially since I’m the only help you can get.”
“You’re right about the police, anyway. With my past, and the laws I’m bending right now, I can’t go inviting that kind of trouble. What about my lawyer?”
“Talk to nobody. Your lawyer could’ve hired it done.”
“He’s the best friend I have in the world!”
“Murders happen because of family and friends. Crime of passion and premeditated alike. Oh, a stranger’ll kill you for money, or out of being crazy, or both. But a stranger doesn’t hire you dead. Someone you know does.”
“Jesus. Where do we go from here?”
“We talk again. With the lights on. What’s your schedule the next couple days?”
“Tomorrow, I mean today, Sunday, we’re open noon to midnight. Monday we’re closed. I always drive to Iowa City on Mondays. To visit my son. He’s in the hospital there.”
“You go alone?”
“Yes.”
“What time Monday do you leave?”
“Around ten. I get there about noon.”
“There’s a Holiday Inn at the Interstate turn-off at the Amanas. Stop for lunch.”
“All right. Anything I should do between now and then?”
“Do you carry a gun?”
“No, but I have one. A .38.”
“You can use it?”
“Yes.”
“Carry it. And put a nightlatch on your door.”
“Done. Anything else?”
“You might try sleeping on the floor. Somebody shoots at you in bed, even if they missed, you could drown. Good
His bed was making noise.
Glugg glugg glugg. Like a hundred midgets swallowing,
Then I remembered. It was a waterbed. Red satin sheets, brown leather padded frame. There’s nothing more pathetic than a middle-aged man who’s trying to be twenty.
He was alone in the thing. Or on it. I don’t think you can be “in” a waterbed. Personally I like to be in control of what I’m sleeping in. On.
He was sound asleep.
I put the nose of the silenced gun against his throat.
He woke up.
Sat up, and the bed rolled and rocked under him.
“Don’t turn on the lights,” I said.
“All right,” Tree said. Calmly. The sea beneath wasn’t calming yet, though.
“Did you sic some boys on me?”
“I don’t even know who the hell you are.”
“You know me. You don’t know my name, but you know me.”
“I don’t sic anybody on you, no.”
“Somebody did. I got jumped by a couple of guys tonight, and if they are yours, just tell me, and I’ll leave town right now. I don’t believe in hanging around where I’m unpopular.”
“Whoever jumped you, they weren’t mine.”
“I hope not. There’s something you better understand. I’m no danger to you. I’m no threat. I’m maybe your salvation.”
“You got a funny way of showing it.” He was referring to the nine-millimeter, the nose of which was still up against his Adam’s apple.
“I’m just being cautious,” I said, easing the gun off, but only a hair. “It’s what keeps me alive. You could profit by my example. See, somebody’s got you set up for the hit. Now. If you want my help, fine. I can try and get between you and the people trying to kill you. I may even be able to find out who hired the job done. But, on the other hand. If you think I’m insane, or a blackmailer, or some kind of con man, or if you simply prefer to handle the situation yourself, or God forbid go to the cops with it, well that’s fine, too. You’ll get blown away, but that’s no skin off my ass. So. Say the word and I’m on my way. It’s up to you.”
“What’s in it for you . . . helping me, I mean.”
“Money.”
“How much?”
“What’s your life worth to you? It’ll be cheap at half the price.”
The bed was finally settling down, making a lap lap sound, like waves rolling into shore.
“If someone wants me dead,” he said, quietly, “I can use all the help I can get.”
“That’s good sound thinking. Especially since I’m the only help you can get.”
“You’re right about the police, anyway. With my past, and the laws I’m bending right now, I can’t go inviting that kind of trouble. What about my lawyer?”
“Talk to nobody. Your lawyer could’ve hired it done.”
“He’s the best friend I have in the world!”
“Murders happen because of family and friends. Crime of passion and premeditated alike. Oh, a stranger’ll kill you for money, or out of being crazy, or both. But a stranger doesn’t hire you dead. Someone you know does.”
“Jesus. Where do we go from here?”
“We talk again. With the lights on. What’s your schedule the next couple days?”
“Tomorrow, I mean today, Sunday, we’re open noon to midnight. Monday we’re closed. I always drive to Iowa City on Mondays. To visit my son. He’s in the hospital there.”
“You go alone?”
“Yes.”
“What time Monday do you leave?”
“Around ten. I get there about noon.”
“There’s a Holiday Inn at the Interstate turn-off at the Amanas. Stop for lunch.”
“All right. Anything I should do between now and then?”
“Do you carry a gun?”
“No, but I have one. A .38.”
“You can use it?”
“Yes.”
“Carry it. And put a nightlatch on your door.”
“Done. Anything else?”
“You might try sleeping on the floor. Somebody shoots at you in bed, even if they missed, you could drown. Good
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