Protocol 1337

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Authors: D. Henbane
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marble. The dishes and utensils are silver with dragons carved in the handles. I take a chalice from the cupboard and flick it with my finger. I can hear the distinct sound of fine crystal. In the final part of the room, I can see my lounge area complete with pool table, exercise equipment, and entertainment center. I had lost track of Reese in my excitement, and I see no sign that he is with me. I hear a knock at the door.
    I open it to see Rednek standing there in cowboy boots, boxers, and a dirty tank top. I spend a few awkward moments staring at him, expecting him to say something. Then he just walks past me and into my new place. “OoooWEEE yous a fancy type eh? I gots your messages figured out. This is what dey mean. Wes gonna be buds yes. I likes you. Yous can come to my place I gots lots of gumbo left. Yous looks hungry mon.” Rednek speaks his own language, and I really have to struggle to translate it in my brain. He hands me some hand written notes about each email.
    “I will be honest with ya man, it smells good, but I am not into gumbo. Thanks for cracking this cypher for me, but I am gonna pass on the offer. Maybe tomorrow night alright?” I say.
    “That makes me sad mon, but we can play later. I knows you be busy. I do you one more favor tonight. I guarantee you will like.” Rednek rushes out of the room and comes back a few minutes later. I see a strange looking stick in one hand, and a chicken under his arm.
    “Umm dude, whats with the chicken?” I say.
    “A little thing my momma taught me. Makes the bad ones go away.” He quickly swings the chicken in front of me, and he grabs a hold of its head. With a quick slice of his dagger, there is blood spraying all over the floor.
    “Oh HELL NO!” I scream. Rednek ignores me, moving his massive frame around my place. Dripping blood and chanting while waving his stick in the air. I can not make out a single word he is saying but after five minutes of this, I couldn’t take anymore.
    “You be safe now Haus, all the bad ones no come here no more.” Rednek says.
    “OK Rednek, you gotta go bro. Thanks for ridding me of the evil spirits, but I think I am good for now. “I say as I use my hand to guide his monster sized body towards the door. He waves good bye to me and heads back into his room across the hall. The only thing I can say at this point is it's gonna take me all night to clean this mess up. What is wrong with that guy anyway?
    Well, it didn’t take me all night, but it did take a few hours. Really didn’t help much that I had no idea where my new possessions were stored. I had almost given up on the idea of cleaning it up at all due to a lack of towels. Then it dawned on me, the most obvious place to look was the bathroom. I grabbed a few extra towels to stock the kitchen. With that out of the way, it was time to get back to work.
    I grabbed the emails and sat down at my new desk. The small green shaded lamp gave me plenty of light, but Redneks chicken scratches are nearly impossible to read. The first email was just a simple letter to confirm the user was receiving and decoding each message correctly. During the course of a few more emails, a few details started to emerge.
    They are negotiating a price for an item retrieved from a cave in South America. It is some type of rock with high scientific value. Apparently, HDI wants to sell it to an unnamed buyer in Germany, but this individual is willing to steal the item and sell it to Homestake for a very substantial sum of money. The next few emails are negotiations over the price. The remaining emails are about payment methods and delivery instructions. The transaction had just recently been finished, and I would imagine the HDI employee is no longer employed by them and not likely even in the US anymore.
    I need to give Reese an update and plan our next course of action. I pick up the phone on my desk and, conveniently enough the buttons are already programmed with important numbers. I hit

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