second.
“Jesus
Christ,” he said in a low voice. “And I thought you were supposed to be the
sensible one. Please tell me you don’t just let mad scientists experiment - you
aren’t this careless - please tell me this whole suicidal thing is a recent
phenomenon.”
That
small smile was still tugging at the corners of her lips. Hope moved closer,
crowding up to Rick like they were partners at a lab table. She aligned their
shoulders and hips into a long line of mingled heat but forbore actually
touching him.
“Don’t
ask me for things you don’t actually want,” she said. Rick tilted his face
toward her without actually looking at her. Adrenaline sharpened her vision:
Hope realized now that she wanted to take advantage of his distraction to study
the curve of his neck and the way his collarbone angled out from underneath his
open collar. She traced her gaze up and down his face, seeing the indecision
and distrust that was usually safely masked by his startling attractiveness.
Rick
gritted his teeth and continued to stare at the test tube on the counter in
front of him like it would give him the answers he needed.
“All I
wanted was for you to stay in the library. I didn’t want to get you involved. I
just needed… insurance. That’s all. In case anything really bad happened, I’d
have enough time to destroy my work, or if it came down to it - ” He pulled up
short and blinked.
The
surety of her blissful adrenaline buzz slipped; Hope gaped at him.
“Sorry,
but am I - was I supposed to be…. Your insurance suicide policy ?” she
demanded. When Rick didn’t answer, she felt a layer of ice settle somewhere
deep in the pit of her stomach. “That is - that is so beyond - you can’t
actually do that to people.”
At
that, Rick reared back from the counter and glared at her, turning the full
force of his dark eyes on her. Hope wished he looked like a mad scientist. He
looked more like a tragic Byronic hero, even now.
“Why
not? If it’s necessary.”
Hope’s
fingernails bit into her palms. She shouldn’t have taken the bait but she found
herself turning to meet him dead on. She felt like throwing things, a wild and
loose-limbed feeling that was unfamiliar and uncomfortable.
“Because
that’s not my job. You can’t just use people, no matter how much money you
have. I am here to protect you, not to be manipulated into living with your
death on my conscience.” She hadn’t meant to sound so impassioned; she hadn’t
meant for her voice to shake, or almost break at the end there.
But it
was so, so hard to have that realization of Rick’s selfishness slamming home
like a puzzle slotting together in her head. Hope had been in combat zones so
dangerous that Navy S.E.A.L.S. clucked in sympathy over her resume, but she
still had trouble accepting this. She couldn’t just pretend that Rick’s words
were empty. She knew what it felt like to see the reality of loose-limbed
bodies sprawled over the ground, going cold.
She
could see Rick standing in front of her, and she knew exactly what it would
look like if he could force Hope into killing him. Just because she’d seen it
before didn’t mean it was easier. It meant it was real to her; it meant that
she understood it in a way Rick didn’t, couldn’t.
Hope
stared openly at the stubble on Rick’s face, at the dark hair hanging over his
eyes that needed to be trimmed, at his white knuckles, at his defensive
posture. She thought about none of that existing anymore.
She
wanted to throw up, and didn’t feel the least bit of shame, just an
overwhelming sadness.
“Why
are you looking at me like that?” Rick’s expression was caught somewhere
between anger and guilt.
It took
a moment of biting down on her tongue before Hope could trust herself to
answer.
“Because
you don’t understand what you’re asking.” She paused. “And because I do.”
Unexpectedly
Rick’s face softened and he took a step forward, not close enough that Hope
wanted
“Jesus
Christ,” he said in a low voice. “And I thought you were supposed to be the
sensible one. Please tell me you don’t just let mad scientists experiment - you
aren’t this careless - please tell me this whole suicidal thing is a recent
phenomenon.”
That
small smile was still tugging at the corners of her lips. Hope moved closer,
crowding up to Rick like they were partners at a lab table. She aligned their
shoulders and hips into a long line of mingled heat but forbore actually
touching him.
“Don’t
ask me for things you don’t actually want,” she said. Rick tilted his face
toward her without actually looking at her. Adrenaline sharpened her vision:
Hope realized now that she wanted to take advantage of his distraction to study
the curve of his neck and the way his collarbone angled out from underneath his
open collar. She traced her gaze up and down his face, seeing the indecision
and distrust that was usually safely masked by his startling attractiveness.
Rick
gritted his teeth and continued to stare at the test tube on the counter in
front of him like it would give him the answers he needed.
“All I
wanted was for you to stay in the library. I didn’t want to get you involved. I
just needed… insurance. That’s all. In case anything really bad happened, I’d
have enough time to destroy my work, or if it came down to it - ” He pulled up
short and blinked.
The
surety of her blissful adrenaline buzz slipped; Hope gaped at him.
“Sorry,
but am I - was I supposed to be…. Your insurance suicide policy ?” she
demanded. When Rick didn’t answer, she felt a layer of ice settle somewhere
deep in the pit of her stomach. “That is - that is so beyond - you can’t
actually do that to people.”
At
that, Rick reared back from the counter and glared at her, turning the full
force of his dark eyes on her. Hope wished he looked like a mad scientist. He
looked more like a tragic Byronic hero, even now.
“Why
not? If it’s necessary.”
Hope’s
fingernails bit into her palms. She shouldn’t have taken the bait but she found
herself turning to meet him dead on. She felt like throwing things, a wild and
loose-limbed feeling that was unfamiliar and uncomfortable.
“Because
that’s not my job. You can’t just use people, no matter how much money you
have. I am here to protect you, not to be manipulated into living with your
death on my conscience.” She hadn’t meant to sound so impassioned; she hadn’t
meant for her voice to shake, or almost break at the end there.
But it
was so, so hard to have that realization of Rick’s selfishness slamming home
like a puzzle slotting together in her head. Hope had been in combat zones so
dangerous that Navy S.E.A.L.S. clucked in sympathy over her resume, but she
still had trouble accepting this. She couldn’t just pretend that Rick’s words
were empty. She knew what it felt like to see the reality of loose-limbed
bodies sprawled over the ground, going cold.
She
could see Rick standing in front of her, and she knew exactly what it would
look like if he could force Hope into killing him. Just because she’d seen it
before didn’t mean it was easier. It meant it was real to her; it meant that
she understood it in a way Rick didn’t, couldn’t.
Hope
stared openly at the stubble on Rick’s face, at the dark hair hanging over his
eyes that needed to be trimmed, at his white knuckles, at his defensive
posture. She thought about none of that existing anymore.
She
wanted to throw up, and didn’t feel the least bit of shame, just an
overwhelming sadness.
“Why
are you looking at me like that?” Rick’s expression was caught somewhere
between anger and guilt.
It took
a moment of biting down on her tongue before Hope could trust herself to
answer.
“Because
you don’t understand what you’re asking.” She paused. “And because I do.”
Unexpectedly
Rick’s face softened and he took a step forward, not close enough that Hope
wanted
Similar Books
