Read Online Prostho Plus by Piers Anthony - Free Book Online

diplomat like you, I'd find some way, some gentle, discreet way, to tell you. As it is, all I can say is that your breath stinks of greenchomp. Particles of the stuff are wedged between your teeth. You have a lot of teeth, and it's pretty strong."
    "But greenchomp smells good. Does it bother you?"
    "No. It's like freshly cut grass or curing hay. But then, I'm not a civilized, sensitive-nosed herbivore."
    "You mean—?"
    "I mean. How does my breath smell to you?"
    Trach sniffed. "Faintly of carrion. But I'm accustomed to foreign stenches."
    "Right. You're a diplomat, so you've schooled yourself to ignore the crudities of the creatures you meet. But suppose you were a protected, royal-born creature, trained to notice the tiniest deviation from etiquette. Suppose your diet while herbivorous, did not happen to be greenchomp. Sup—"
    Trach slammed his tail explosively against the floor, interrupting him. "Suppose I met an alien who breathed sheer miasma into my delicate nostrils—"
    "Yes. What would you say to him?"
    "Nothing, of course. It wouldn't be—"
    "Diplomatic?"
    Trach paced the deck in a frenzy of mortification. "How horrible? No wonder they wouldn't talk to me more than once. And worse—they may have assumed that all Trachodons smell that way. That I was typical. That would foul up every representative from my world." He gnashed his teeth impressively.
    "So maybe you'd better dash home and replace your synthesizer before going on to Electrolus?"
    Trach slapped his webbed hands together. "I can't. I'd have to admit my reason for delaying Electrolus. They'd never let me off-world again, after such a colossal blunder."
    "You're going to have to clean your mouth somehow, then, and thoroughly. The greenchomp must be removed. Unless the Electrolytes can't smell very well?"
    "They can distinguish differing grades of clear glass—by odour. At twenty paces upwind."
    Dillingham sighed. The image of the radium mines loomed larger in his mind. "I don't suppose you could get them to repair your synthesizer before—?"
    "They're not mechanically inclined."
    The two lapsed into interstellar gloom.

    Dillingham racked his brain for some solution to their mutual problem. It was ironic that a dentist couldn't come up with a simple way to clean teeth. The synthesizer, like so many of the ship's utilities, functioned erratically, and they were afraid to risk pushing it into a complete breakdown that would cut off even their greenchomp supply. Other chemicals besides Trach's original mouthwash might have done the job, but they were no easier to produce. Mechanical cleansing was also out of the question. A toothbrush—to clean two thousand teeth packed in like magnified sandpaper? Possibly a thorough scaling accompanied by copious rinsing with water would do the job—but it was obvious that this procedure would consume so much time, particularly as performed by Trach's webbed fingers, that the dinosaur would have to eat again before the job could be finished.
    A blast of water from a pressure nozzle? Too splashy, and it still required time and care to get the wedged particles. Trach's skills were verbal, not manipulative—and what would he do at a public banquet?
    What was needed was a simple but effective method to clean all the teeth in a few seconds. Agreed. But what?
    "Is there any place you could obtain a temporary supply of your usual mouthwash? Enough to tide you over this one assignment?"
    Trach twitched his tail reflectively. "The dental university might have it in stock. But they'd be sure to make a report to Trachos, and—"
    "Dental university?" Dillingham found himself interested for another reason. "On a galactic scale?"
    "Certainly. There's a university for every subject. Transportation, Communication, Medicine, Music, Dentistry—"
    "Would this one—Dentistry—happen to have a school of Prosthodontics?"
    "I'm sure it would. These universities are big outfits. Each one has a planet-grant, and students from all over the