destroy. I watched as he brought the whip up, his hand trembling as he lashed it at me, the thin leather wrapping around my wrist as it cut into my skin. I wanted to laugh. Was this his way of stopping me from hurting him? From ripping his still-beating heart out of his chest?
With precise precision, I grabbed the whip that stood between my tormentor and me. I pulled with all my might watching as he tried to resist me, to fight back against my strength. As if he could hide from the anger that he had stirred inside of me. The friction of my skin against the leather caused the whip to slice my palms wide open. I could feel the blood dripping from the wounds, but my mind was on the man before me. A demented smile formed on my face as he fell to the ground landing on his knees. With a flick of my wrist, I was wrapping the whip around his neck while I wiped the blood from my torso. The blood he had caused me to bleed, I smeared across his face.
“Don’t… don’t kill me. I didn’t want… they made me do everything to you.” His words came out in a rush as I listened to him beg and plead for his life.
“It’s a little late for that.” There was no mercy in my voice, no remorse for the things I was about to do to him. I was a killer.
Those were the last words I had said to him before I ripped him to shreds, piece by piece. The last words before I came down from my high of vengeance. From my high of retribution. Of the need to feel his blood coating my hands in return for him making me bleed.
“11.” The voice crackled through the speaker that was located by my door of captivity.
“11. Congratulations. You learned the lesson in today’s training. Kill for revenge.”
***
When I awoke, my head throbbed. I wasn’t sure what was up or down. The blankets before me weren’t my own. The bed not my own, yet I was here. In this bed. There were no restraints, and as I looked at my arms for injection marks to see if it was all a nightmare, I realized I truly had gone off the rails.
“How are you feeling?” Gauge asked me. My gaze swung to him. He was standing in the doorjamb staring at me with a grave look of disappointment. Somewhere inside of me, I knew the way he was looking at me should’ve mattered, that me hurting him and my brothers should’ve of bothered me. Yet it didn’t.
“Like I got hit by a fucking truck. “
“It’s the L1.” One letter plus one number was the result of me losing control over my own body. He knew I hated that drug, yet he doped me up on it anyway.
“We didn’t have an option. You ended up almost killing a woman, who we had to bring in, and then you just totally lost it. We had to do what we could to calm you down. You were manic, and we didn’t know what you would do.”
I didn’t want to blame Gauge for having to shoot me up. I don’t remember what happened, but I’m certain I was too far gone in an uncontrollable state if he had to put me down. I rubbed a hand down my face. Sweat clung to my hair and tension filled my belly. The woman. I remembered her and her stupid fucking friend.
“I don’t blame you, Gauge. You did what you had to do.” I sighed. I didn’t want to deal with the emotions swirling around in my head, the memories festering in my brain, never leaving. With each old and new memory, I knew just as much as I did from the last. Nothing.
“I didn’t think you would blame me.” He sounded like he knew me, like he understood how I would feel when I woke up. For some reason, it didn’t settle with me. I didn’t want to be close to anyone.
“Now, I did some talking with Jaxon. He told me about your behavior at the bar and with the woman. At first, I wanted her as far away from you as we could get her, but now we think it would be a good idea for you to talk to her.”
Talk to her? I was off the bed and pacing the floor in a second flat. Just like the fire burning in my veins at the simple thought of talking to her again.
“Talk to
With precise precision, I grabbed the whip that stood between my tormentor and me. I pulled with all my might watching as he tried to resist me, to fight back against my strength. As if he could hide from the anger that he had stirred inside of me. The friction of my skin against the leather caused the whip to slice my palms wide open. I could feel the blood dripping from the wounds, but my mind was on the man before me. A demented smile formed on my face as he fell to the ground landing on his knees. With a flick of my wrist, I was wrapping the whip around his neck while I wiped the blood from my torso. The blood he had caused me to bleed, I smeared across his face.
“Don’t… don’t kill me. I didn’t want… they made me do everything to you.” His words came out in a rush as I listened to him beg and plead for his life.
“It’s a little late for that.” There was no mercy in my voice, no remorse for the things I was about to do to him. I was a killer.
Those were the last words I had said to him before I ripped him to shreds, piece by piece. The last words before I came down from my high of vengeance. From my high of retribution. Of the need to feel his blood coating my hands in return for him making me bleed.
“11.” The voice crackled through the speaker that was located by my door of captivity.
“11. Congratulations. You learned the lesson in today’s training. Kill for revenge.”
***
When I awoke, my head throbbed. I wasn’t sure what was up or down. The blankets before me weren’t my own. The bed not my own, yet I was here. In this bed. There were no restraints, and as I looked at my arms for injection marks to see if it was all a nightmare, I realized I truly had gone off the rails.
“How are you feeling?” Gauge asked me. My gaze swung to him. He was standing in the doorjamb staring at me with a grave look of disappointment. Somewhere inside of me, I knew the way he was looking at me should’ve mattered, that me hurting him and my brothers should’ve of bothered me. Yet it didn’t.
“Like I got hit by a fucking truck. “
“It’s the L1.” One letter plus one number was the result of me losing control over my own body. He knew I hated that drug, yet he doped me up on it anyway.
“We didn’t have an option. You ended up almost killing a woman, who we had to bring in, and then you just totally lost it. We had to do what we could to calm you down. You were manic, and we didn’t know what you would do.”
I didn’t want to blame Gauge for having to shoot me up. I don’t remember what happened, but I’m certain I was too far gone in an uncontrollable state if he had to put me down. I rubbed a hand down my face. Sweat clung to my hair and tension filled my belly. The woman. I remembered her and her stupid fucking friend.
“I don’t blame you, Gauge. You did what you had to do.” I sighed. I didn’t want to deal with the emotions swirling around in my head, the memories festering in my brain, never leaving. With each old and new memory, I knew just as much as I did from the last. Nothing.
“I didn’t think you would blame me.” He sounded like he knew me, like he understood how I would feel when I woke up. For some reason, it didn’t settle with me. I didn’t want to be close to anyone.
“Now, I did some talking with Jaxon. He told me about your behavior at the bar and with the woman. At first, I wanted her as far away from you as we could get her, but now we think it would be a good idea for you to talk to her.”
Talk to her? I was off the bed and pacing the floor in a second flat. Just like the fire burning in my veins at the simple thought of talking to her again.
“Talk to
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