Edward being an extremely controlling sex maniac? What about the part where our baby looked like a Halloween pumpkin with Nonno’s face………crying and screaming. What was that about? That was definitely the most unsettling………I couldn’t get that creepy image out of my mind.
12
Edward I was jolted out of my sleep by the sound of my door chimes ringing. I sprang out of bed, threw my robe over my naked body and looked at my digital clock – 4:30AM?! Who could possibly be at my front door at this hour? Whoever it was, it must be bad news. Nobody had good news at fucking 4:30 in the morning! I quickly checked my front porch security camera: To my utter surprise Julia Jones was standing there looking up into the lens at me with a sheepish smile. I heard the sound of Nigel shuffling down the marble hallway toward me in his bedroom slippers. “Who’s at the door Edward?” “It’s just Julia. I’ll let her in. You can go back to bed Nigel.” “You don’t say! Miss Jones already? She made up her mind more quickly than I thought! Good luck sir!” Nigel had a very satisfied smile on his face as he turned and shuffled back down the hall to his room. I opened the massive front door for Julia and gestured for her to come inside. “Julia what a surprise! So what do I owe this early unexpected pleasure? You’re looking very….. uh…..sleepy and disheveled actually.” “Thank you for noticing Edward, but I didn’t come here for a critique of my appearance. And by the way you might want to cinch up your robe a little tighter……it looks like Mr. Johnson is trying to escape south of the border.” “Sorry about that…..I’ll try to rein him in. I can see why it would be extremely difficult for you to concentrate with a distraction of this size and magnitude practically slapping you in the face.” “Oh my God Edward, I can never decide which is bigger…….your dick or your ego!” “We can measure them both right now if you’d like? So why are you here again?” “Well after a lot of mental turmoil, I’ve made a decision regarding your legal situation.” “And you couldn’t just call me on the phone..……like in a few hours from now?” “No I couldn’t just call you on the phone! Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I think a major decision like this requires a face-to-face conversation. I even felt it was important enough to take a cab over here.” “But not important enough to comb your hair?” “Edward you’re such an asshole! Are your trying to make me change my mind about helping you?” “I’m just teasing you Julia! You know I think you’re hot no matter what your fuckin’ hair looks like!” I grabbed her playfully around the waist and as I did so the meaning of her words started sinking in. “Did I hear you say ‘change your mind about helping me’? Does that mean you’re on board with the marriage plan? Please tell me you’re on board!” “Yes Edward. That’s what I’m here to tell you. I am going to help you get your inheritance. I will marry you and I will be the mother of your child.” I couldn’t believe it! Julia was coming through for me after all! That was going to make everything so much easier. I wouldn’t have to go through the hassle of searching for someone, vetting them and doing a background check and all that other shit. The woman I trusted the most was willing to help me! Everything was fucking perfect now! “Julia you’re a life saver! I can’t thank you enough. Believe me I will do everything I can to make this as painless as possible for you.” “Well when you figure out how to make labor and childbirth painless, you’ll make your next billion!” “Look at that great sense of humor you’re gonna pass on to our kid!” “Edward I do have one condition for this arrangement or deal or whatever you want to call it.” “You have a condition? What kind of condition? Remember, you don’t need to worry too much about the