Read Online Poser by Cambria Hebert - Free Book Online Page A

even got started.
    Slight cool fingers slid around my forearm and gripped lightly. “Hey,” Rim whispered. “Where’d you go?”
    “I should’ve been there.” The regret fell out of my mouth before I could shut it down.
    “Braeden,” Rimmel admonished and slid her hand down my arm to link our hands. “What happened between them was no one’s fault. It was a mistake. What would you have done, burst into our room and stopped them? You and Ivy weren’t even together then.”
    She thought I was just jealous. She thought I just didn’t like the idea of my girl with someone else.
    God, I wish it were that easy.
    I nodded, like her words were true and made me feel better.
    What was really going on inside me, the conscience-eating virus that was the truth that robbed me of sleep and sometimes logic, was my personal cross to bear. It was something I chose to carry, a solitary burden no one else could know.
    The thought of Ivy knowing she was raped… I was terrified of what it might do to her.
    And yeah, what it might do to us.
    “She loves you so much, Braeden. I think if Missy hadn’t betrayed her and put what happened all over the school social media, she’d be past it all by now. But knowing everyone knows…”
    “Fuck everyone,” I said vehemently.
    Rimmel squeezed my hand. “But everyone includes you.”
    I felt like I was standing in a pitch-black room and someone suddenly turned on a flashlight. I darted a look at my very smart little sis.
    She nodded knowingly.
    “I think she beats herself up so much it haunts her because she feels like she betrayed us… especially you.”
    “I don’t expect a saint,” I reasoned. “Hell, I’m no choir boy.”
    Her voice was dry. “You definitely aren’t.”
    I glowered at her, and she snorted but soon turned serious. “But you hate him. And he’s done terrible things. And the way you reacted when you found out…”
    “You mean punching out a window, shattering my phone, and calling her a slut wasn’t the best way to handle the situation?” I couldn’t even deliver the words with a sardonic twist. I grimaced and rubbed a hand over my face.
    I hadn’t even thought of things like this before. I’d only seen them from my perspective, which was angry, murderous, and closed off.
    And yeah, Ivy might be having a hard time dealing because deep down, she knew something bad happened. But on the surface, was Ivy ashamed and afraid I saw her in anything but the best light?
    I thought back to months ago when she dropped a bomb in the middle of the confrontation with Missy.
    I felt like third best…
    If I thought so low of myself, then what would everyone else think?
    Fuck.
    Just because I apologized and filled her bedroom with stars didn’t make everything okay. I might have showed Ivy how I felt about her. I might have told her I loved her… but I never told her I didn’t care she “slept” with Zach. I never told her it didn’t color the way I looked at her.
    “I didn’t mean to make you feel worse,” Rimmel said, pulling me back. “I know you love her, Braeden. Sometimes it surprises me how much.” She twisted her lips into a rueful smile.
    I growled like the jab pissed me off and tossed my arm around her shoulders and pulled her against me to rub my fist lightly over the top of her hair.
    Rimmel shrieked. “You’re gonna mess up my hair!”
    “Please, woman. We both know you haven’t even combed it.”
    She laughed, and I messed up the dark mane even more.
    “Stop!” she squealed.
    When I relented, she pulled back. Her cheeks were bright pink and her hair looked like she stuck her finger in a light socket.
    She smoothed her hands over it like that was gonna help, and I cackled.
    “Talk to her.” Her voice was emphatic and cut through my moment of teasing. “You’d be surprised how much your words can smooth things out.”
    Words. Those things gave me a bad taste in my mouth. Rimmel was right, though. I couldn’t lay it all out on the table