Read Online Play on by Kyra Lennon - Free Book Online

smiled. “You’re the most laid back person in the history of the world; that must have had an effect.”
    “I guess. I remember when I first met him, I thought he was going to explode every time I told him to relax. He was pretty tightly wound.”
    My stomach twinged a little when I chuckled again, pulling me back to that place inside me that refused to let go. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths the way I always did when these moments took over me.
    “Are you okay?”
    With a low growl, I gently pushed the photo album off my lap. “I’m okay. And I’m not.”
    “What happened?”
    Miguel’s question was gentle, almost as though he was afraid to ask for fear I’d disappear inside myself again and he’d lose me like he did before.
    I opened my eyes and turned my head towards him, ready to tell him what I hadn’t fully explained to anyone. “I’m sort of… hollow.  Right after Will died, I was glad for it. When I was numb, I didn’t feel pain. Now, even though the numbness has gone, it’s like my insides are empty. Nothing makes me happy, nothing makes me excited, nothing makes me feel anything good. Aside from pain, the only thing I’ve really felt is fear when I went back to work. Like just now, I could laugh about Will’s photo, but I don’t feel it. Not really.”
    Miguel’s head tilted to one side. “Freya, have you seen a doctor about this?” He quickly held up his hands before I could speak. “I don’t mean that to sound patronising. I just mean, what if you’re suffering from depression? Something more than just normal grieving?”
    “The doctor doesn’t think that’s the problem. He’s more concerned about the sleep deprivation, and I’m trying to fix that, preferably without medication. He told me to see him if I feel any worse, but I don’t. I feel the same, and I’m tired of it.”
    Miguel’s eyes softened but resignation was clear inside his chocolate browns; resignation that he couldn’t help. “Maybe there’s something you haven’t tried?” The pain in his tone made my stomach twinge again.
    Miguel was a “fixer”. If something was wrong, he’d do whatever he could to make it right. I don’t think he’d ever stumbled across a problem he couldn’t fix. If he couldn’t find the solution, just knowing he was willing to move mountains to try was enough for most people.
    I’d been an idiot.
    “Miguel. I’m sorry.” I shuffled around to fully face him. “For shutting you out and for being such a bitch lately.”
    He shook his head. “Don’t be. I understand. At least, I do now. I’m sorry for yelling at you.”
    “I needed it. I deserved it.”
    “No.” Miguel sighed. “You didn’t. I should have been more patient, and you’d just woken up from a nightmare for God’s sakes.”
    “A nightmare I have almost every time I sleep. And when I’m awake. There’s never a good time to tell someone they need to get over themselves, but-”
    “That wasn’t what I-”
    “I know. I know that’s not what you were saying but it’s the truth. Sometimes I get so weighted down by everything. I want to be myself again, Miguel. I want to laugh, I want to relax, I want to be happy. Most of all, I just want a break from this endless pain.”
    A tear – another tear – dripped down my cheek but I didn’t take my eyes from Miguel’s. I’d blocked him out for so long, I wanted to let him in again. To let him see, to help him understand.
    “It takes time, Freya,” he whispered. “Just time.”
    As I continued to look into those deep brown eyes, the tears in mine reflected in his, the corners of his mouth curved into a tiny smile. A pulling sensation in my stomach, like the one I sometimes felt when I knew I had to get away from a certain place or situation, made me cast my eyes down for a second. The sensation wasn’t pulling me away, it was pulling me forward .
    I’d never not listened to that tugging feeling before. Every time, however hard I tried to