with,
and her tone of voice made me feel like some kid who'd been called to the
principal's office.
"Well,
what would you like me to do?" I asked. "If you think this is so
fucking easy then share some of your brilliant insights with me."
"You're
the one who's supposed to have all the fabulous connections. Can't they do
something?"
"They've
already done everything they can. Look, I feel bad about leaving him to figure
all this out by himself, okay, but that's what growing up is all about."
"Even
if it gets him killed."
"Goddamn
it, Cate. Do you want me to sleep in my car outside his apartment every night
and guard him? He's a man. Let him be one, for Christ's sake."
She
rose from her chair and glared at me. "I'm doing what any responsible
parent should do when she finds out her child might be in danger. And you
should, too, Joanna."
"In
this case I think you're expecting too much."
"You're
right, Jo. I used to expect you to be a parent and a partner, but you couldn't
deal with that either."
Her
words stung, and I felt blood rushing to my face as I stood to face her.
"Don't throw that shit in my face! I can't change the past, okay."
"That
still doesn't solve Kyle's problem."
"You
asked me to help him, and I gave it my best shot. There's nothing to be
found."
"Then
maybe you should go back to the ranch and crawl into whatever hole you've dug
for yourself. Forget you ever knew Kyle or me."
"I
never knew him," I said through clenched teeth, "and I'm beginning to
think I never knew you either."
Our
discussion had degenerated into something much more personal. Years of built-up
resentment and guilt had finally bubbled their way to the surface. We had had
dozens of similar arguments during our years together, and our life had been
either very good or very bad. Never anything in between. When we loved, we
loved passionately. When we fought, we fought just as passionately.
"You
weren't home long enough to know either one of us. Your idea of family
responsibility was to leave for weeks or months at a time, come home and catch
a fast night or two in bed, and then go back to whatever the hell you were
doing without the slightest thought about whether we needed you or not."
"I
don't remember having to work very hard to get you into bed, babe," I said
with a sarcastic edge.
"I
was your partner, Jo! I had to hope you remembered that between visits."
"Fuck
you, Cate," I spat, pointing my finger at her. "You knew damn well
what I did for a living when we met. I provided for you and Kyle every way I
knew how."
"You
gave us everything we wanted. Everything except yourself. I used to think you
were consumed by your career, but now I know it was because you didn't give a
damn about anyone except yourself. And fifteen years hasn't changed that."
During
the course of our argument our voices had risen, apparently unnoticed by either
of us. Cate had moved around her desk and was standing close enough that I had
to restrain myself from smacking her just because it would have felt so damn
good. She must have had the same idea because her hands were balled into fists.
Whatever thoughts I was having were interrupted by a knock at the door. Before
Cate could respond, the door opened partway, and a woman stuck her head into
the room. She smiled at us uneasily.
"Do
you need some assistance, Cate?" she asked with a quick look at me.
"No,
Susan. Ms. Carlisle was just leaving."
Susan
remained at the door and opened it further, pulling wire-rim glasses from her
face, and stared at me. I would have guessed that she was a few years younger
than me, but the gray in her hair made it hard to tell.
I
turned back to Cate and leaned closer to her. "Don't call me again."
Before
she had a chance to respond, I turned and walked to the door. I stopped and
glared at Susan until she moved away from the door. As I went down the hallway,
I heard her ask, "Who the hell is that?"
"A
dissatisfied former client." Cate's response was
and her tone of voice made me feel like some kid who'd been called to the
principal's office.
"Well,
what would you like me to do?" I asked. "If you think this is so
fucking easy then share some of your brilliant insights with me."
"You're
the one who's supposed to have all the fabulous connections. Can't they do
something?"
"They've
already done everything they can. Look, I feel bad about leaving him to figure
all this out by himself, okay, but that's what growing up is all about."
"Even
if it gets him killed."
"Goddamn
it, Cate. Do you want me to sleep in my car outside his apartment every night
and guard him? He's a man. Let him be one, for Christ's sake."
She
rose from her chair and glared at me. "I'm doing what any responsible
parent should do when she finds out her child might be in danger. And you
should, too, Joanna."
"In
this case I think you're expecting too much."
"You're
right, Jo. I used to expect you to be a parent and a partner, but you couldn't
deal with that either."
Her
words stung, and I felt blood rushing to my face as I stood to face her.
"Don't throw that shit in my face! I can't change the past, okay."
"That
still doesn't solve Kyle's problem."
"You
asked me to help him, and I gave it my best shot. There's nothing to be
found."
"Then
maybe you should go back to the ranch and crawl into whatever hole you've dug
for yourself. Forget you ever knew Kyle or me."
"I
never knew him," I said through clenched teeth, "and I'm beginning to
think I never knew you either."
Our
discussion had degenerated into something much more personal. Years of built-up
resentment and guilt had finally bubbled their way to the surface. We had had
dozens of similar arguments during our years together, and our life had been
either very good or very bad. Never anything in between. When we loved, we
loved passionately. When we fought, we fought just as passionately.
"You
weren't home long enough to know either one of us. Your idea of family
responsibility was to leave for weeks or months at a time, come home and catch
a fast night or two in bed, and then go back to whatever the hell you were
doing without the slightest thought about whether we needed you or not."
"I
don't remember having to work very hard to get you into bed, babe," I said
with a sarcastic edge.
"I
was your partner, Jo! I had to hope you remembered that between visits."
"Fuck
you, Cate," I spat, pointing my finger at her. "You knew damn well
what I did for a living when we met. I provided for you and Kyle every way I
knew how."
"You
gave us everything we wanted. Everything except yourself. I used to think you
were consumed by your career, but now I know it was because you didn't give a
damn about anyone except yourself. And fifteen years hasn't changed that."
During
the course of our argument our voices had risen, apparently unnoticed by either
of us. Cate had moved around her desk and was standing close enough that I had
to restrain myself from smacking her just because it would have felt so damn
good. She must have had the same idea because her hands were balled into fists.
Whatever thoughts I was having were interrupted by a knock at the door. Before
Cate could respond, the door opened partway, and a woman stuck her head into
the room. She smiled at us uneasily.
"Do
you need some assistance, Cate?" she asked with a quick look at me.
"No,
Susan. Ms. Carlisle was just leaving."
Susan
remained at the door and opened it further, pulling wire-rim glasses from her
face, and stared at me. I would have guessed that she was a few years younger
than me, but the gray in her hair made it hard to tell.
I
turned back to Cate and leaned closer to her. "Don't call me again."
Before
she had a chance to respond, I turned and walked to the door. I stopped and
glared at Susan until she moved away from the door. As I went down the hallway,
I heard her ask, "Who the hell is that?"
"A
dissatisfied former client." Cate's response was
Similar Books
