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Authors: Stephen Kelman
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the rest on my own. It was easy. When it rains the noise is mighty loud. It makes the rain feel even stronger. You feel safe under the chemshi. You feel strong because you made it yourself.
It took donkey hours to build the roof. When we finished, the shop looked more dope-fine than before. Me and Papa drank a whole bottle of beer to celebrate. Papa had most of it but I had one bit. I didn’t get boozed, it was just lovely, it made my burps taste like burning. Mamma and Lydia and Agnes and Grandma Ama all came to greet the new shop. They loved it as much as we did, you could tell. Everybody was smiling from ear to ear.
Mamma: ‘Did you make that all yourself? Clever boy.’
Me: ‘Papa helped me.’
Grandma Ama: ‘Was he a good worker?’
Me: ‘He’s a bit lazy.’
Papa: ‘Eh! Gowayou!’
Me: ‘I’m only joking.’
We hung a lantern from the roof so the shop can stay open at night. The lantern was Agnes’s favourite bit. Babies always love things that hang or swing. They always try to touch it even if it’s hot. She cried when the lantern burned her fingers. I sucked them all better again. I’m the best at sucking them better, my spit has healing in it.
Papa makes the best things. His chairs are always the softest and his tables are strong enough to stand on. He makes them all from bamboo. Even if the drawers are wood, the frame is still bamboo. Bamboo is the best material because it’s very strong and light at the same time. It’s easy to cut with a machete or a saw. You have to saw with care so you make a straight cut. You have to imagine everything you make is your best.
Papa: ‘If you can saw bamboo straight, you can saw a leg off. It’s the same thing. This is good practice. Pretend the bamboo is somebody’s leg. You want to make the cut as straight as you can so it will heal properly.’
Me: ‘But I don’t want to cut off their leg.’
Papa: ‘You might have to. A doctor doesn’t get to choose his patients. They’re relying on you.’
It was ages ago, when I still wanted to be a doctor. I sawed with extra care. I pretended like it was for real, I was even trying not to hurt them. When I sawed all the way through and the bamboo fell, I even tried to catch it. I thought it was their leg.
Papa: ‘Now sharp-sharp, put it in some ice! We can give it to somebody else.’
Me: ‘But the leg’s bad.’
Papa: ‘One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. We’ll give it to a bush man, they won’t know the difference.’
Asweh, it was very funny.
I don’t know why Mamma has to work at night as well. It’s not even fair. Why can’t babies just be born in the daytime.
Mamma: ‘They come whenever they feel like it. You were born at night. You were waiting for the stars to come out.’
Lydia: ‘And there was a full moon, that’s why you’re dey touch.’
Me: ‘No I’m not!’
I just wish Mamma was here so Miquita wouldn’t keep coming round all the time. I only let her in after she promised not to suck me off.
Miquita: ‘OK, OK. I promise. Why you playing so hard to get?’
Me: ‘Stop disturbing me!’
Miquita: ‘Don’t be like that, Juicy Fruit. I’m sorry.’
I unchained the chains and unlocked the locks. I had the potato smasher behind my back for if I needed to chase her away.
Miquita and Lydia are testing their costumes for the carnival. Both the two of them are parrots. You can only tell from the feathers. Most of the costume’s just a body-stocking. The first time Lydia put it on she looked like a chicken who’d been plucked. The feathers she stuck on aren’t even real, they came from Dance Club. Some are pink. You can’t get a pink parrot.
Lydia: ‘Yes you can, I’ve seen it.’
Me: ‘That’s a flamingo. You can’t get a pink parrot, I’m telling you.’
Miquita: ‘You can get a pink tongue though. Look.’
Miquita showed her tongue to me. She wriggled it around like a big nasty worm. It was disgusting.
If a girl has an earring in her tongue
It took donkey hours to build the roof. When we finished, the shop looked more dope-fine than before. Me and Papa drank a whole bottle of beer to celebrate. Papa had most of it but I had one bit. I didn’t get boozed, it was just lovely, it made my burps taste like burning. Mamma and Lydia and Agnes and Grandma Ama all came to greet the new shop. They loved it as much as we did, you could tell. Everybody was smiling from ear to ear.
Mamma: ‘Did you make that all yourself? Clever boy.’
Me: ‘Papa helped me.’
Grandma Ama: ‘Was he a good worker?’
Me: ‘He’s a bit lazy.’
Papa: ‘Eh! Gowayou!’
Me: ‘I’m only joking.’
We hung a lantern from the roof so the shop can stay open at night. The lantern was Agnes’s favourite bit. Babies always love things that hang or swing. They always try to touch it even if it’s hot. She cried when the lantern burned her fingers. I sucked them all better again. I’m the best at sucking them better, my spit has healing in it.
Papa makes the best things. His chairs are always the softest and his tables are strong enough to stand on. He makes them all from bamboo. Even if the drawers are wood, the frame is still bamboo. Bamboo is the best material because it’s very strong and light at the same time. It’s easy to cut with a machete or a saw. You have to saw with care so you make a straight cut. You have to imagine everything you make is your best.
Papa: ‘If you can saw bamboo straight, you can saw a leg off. It’s the same thing. This is good practice. Pretend the bamboo is somebody’s leg. You want to make the cut as straight as you can so it will heal properly.’
Me: ‘But I don’t want to cut off their leg.’
Papa: ‘You might have to. A doctor doesn’t get to choose his patients. They’re relying on you.’
It was ages ago, when I still wanted to be a doctor. I sawed with extra care. I pretended like it was for real, I was even trying not to hurt them. When I sawed all the way through and the bamboo fell, I even tried to catch it. I thought it was their leg.
Papa: ‘Now sharp-sharp, put it in some ice! We can give it to somebody else.’
Me: ‘But the leg’s bad.’
Papa: ‘One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. We’ll give it to a bush man, they won’t know the difference.’
Asweh, it was very funny.
I don’t know why Mamma has to work at night as well. It’s not even fair. Why can’t babies just be born in the daytime.
Mamma: ‘They come whenever they feel like it. You were born at night. You were waiting for the stars to come out.’
Lydia: ‘And there was a full moon, that’s why you’re dey touch.’
Me: ‘No I’m not!’
I just wish Mamma was here so Miquita wouldn’t keep coming round all the time. I only let her in after she promised not to suck me off.
Miquita: ‘OK, OK. I promise. Why you playing so hard to get?’
Me: ‘Stop disturbing me!’
Miquita: ‘Don’t be like that, Juicy Fruit. I’m sorry.’
I unchained the chains and unlocked the locks. I had the potato smasher behind my back for if I needed to chase her away.
Miquita and Lydia are testing their costumes for the carnival. Both the two of them are parrots. You can only tell from the feathers. Most of the costume’s just a body-stocking. The first time Lydia put it on she looked like a chicken who’d been plucked. The feathers she stuck on aren’t even real, they came from Dance Club. Some are pink. You can’t get a pink parrot.
Lydia: ‘Yes you can, I’ve seen it.’
Me: ‘That’s a flamingo. You can’t get a pink parrot, I’m telling you.’
Miquita: ‘You can get a pink tongue though. Look.’
Miquita showed her tongue to me. She wriggled it around like a big nasty worm. It was disgusting.
If a girl has an earring in her tongue
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