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Authors: Sinéad Moriarty
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want you can stay at home tomorrow, but you’ll have to face it the next day and I think it’s better if you get it over with.’
She sighed. ‘I’d rather do that.’
I hugged her and then, kissing her forehead, I said, ‘I’ll get you some cucumber for those poor puffy eyes and we’ll make you up so you look incredible tomorrow. He’ll be kicking himself when he sees what a mistake he’s made.’
‘Mum, Tracy’s like a model. I’m nothing compared to her.’
‘You’re a super-model to me. You’re beautiful and sweet and smart –’
‘Muuuum,’ she said, pushing me gently away.
‘All right, I won’t smother you,’ I said, reluctantly letting go of her. ‘I’ll get you that cucumber, and if you want to come down and cry all night, I’m here for you. Or, if you like, we can watch a movie and order a take-out or go for a walk, whatever you want, pet.’
‘I just want to be miserable up here.’
‘Well, I’m here for anything you need.’
I went back down and met Paul coming in the door. ‘Ali got dumped.’
‘Oh, Jesus.’
‘It’s awful.’
‘That little fucker.’
‘My sentiments exactly. But the worst of it is, he broke up with her to go out with Tracy in her class who looks like a model.’
‘No girl could be more gorgeous than Ali.’
‘I agree, but now she has to face the happy couple every day. It’s so humiliating for her.’
‘Is she really upset?’
‘Devastated.’
‘Will I go up to her?’
‘Yeah, do.’ I went into the kitchen, Paul following me. ‘Here, bring her up these cucumber slices.’
‘Cucumber?’ he said, staring at me as if I’d lost my mind.
‘For her eyes. They’ll help with the puffiness.’
‘I’ll kill that little shit.’
He was back down a minute later.
‘Long chat, then?’ I smiled.
‘I had no idea what to say. You know what I’m like when they cry, I just panic.’
‘So, what did you say?’
‘I just said I was sorry and that she’s wonderful and he’s an arsehole.’
‘You covered all the angles, then.’
‘Women are better at this stuff.’
‘Not really. I didn’t know what to say either. I just listened to her and said pretty much exactly the same things you did.’
‘Where’s Sarah?’
‘Supposedly doing her homework, but I’d say she’s texting everyone she’s ever met to tell them she’s going out with Bobby.’
‘What?’
‘Sarah is, as of this morning, going out with Bobby Masterson-Brown, who apparently is a total stud.’
‘Is he?’
‘Nope, he looks ridiculous – badly highlighted hair and his jeans hanging down around his knees, but she seems very excited.’
‘The last thing that girl needs is a boyfriend.’
‘It might not be such a bad thing. It might settle her down a bit. Apparently he’s not super-smart but not thick either.’
‘I don’t see anyone from Mensa going out with Sarah.’ We laughed. ‘Where’s Charlie?’
I rolled my eyes. ‘He’s gone to meet that woman Lily from the funeral.’
‘The one whose bum he pinched?’
‘The very same.’
‘Way to go, Charlie.’
‘Apparently she’s fifty-four, which is borderline. He won’t go out with anyone over fifty-five. It’s too old, despite the fact that he’s sixty-eight.’
‘He’s right. You don’t want them too wrinkly.’ Paul laughed.
‘I just hope he doesn’t attack her in the car or something. He’s like a teenager with raging hormones.’
‘I admire his –’ Paul was stopped short by the sight of my father strolling into the kitchen with a stumbling Lily in tow.
‘Evening, all,’ Charlie said, grinning from ear to ear.
‘Well, hello there, Charlie,’ said Paul, grinning back.
‘I’d like you to meet the lovely Lily.’
‘’S lovely to meesh you,’ slurred Lily.
She looked a lot worse than she had at Catherine’s funeral. Her skirt was askew, her lipstick was all over her teeth and the middle two buttons on her blouse had come undone so we had a bird’s-eye view
She sighed. ‘I’d rather do that.’
I hugged her and then, kissing her forehead, I said, ‘I’ll get you some cucumber for those poor puffy eyes and we’ll make you up so you look incredible tomorrow. He’ll be kicking himself when he sees what a mistake he’s made.’
‘Mum, Tracy’s like a model. I’m nothing compared to her.’
‘You’re a super-model to me. You’re beautiful and sweet and smart –’
‘Muuuum,’ she said, pushing me gently away.
‘All right, I won’t smother you,’ I said, reluctantly letting go of her. ‘I’ll get you that cucumber, and if you want to come down and cry all night, I’m here for you. Or, if you like, we can watch a movie and order a take-out or go for a walk, whatever you want, pet.’
‘I just want to be miserable up here.’
‘Well, I’m here for anything you need.’
I went back down and met Paul coming in the door. ‘Ali got dumped.’
‘Oh, Jesus.’
‘It’s awful.’
‘That little fucker.’
‘My sentiments exactly. But the worst of it is, he broke up with her to go out with Tracy in her class who looks like a model.’
‘No girl could be more gorgeous than Ali.’
‘I agree, but now she has to face the happy couple every day. It’s so humiliating for her.’
‘Is she really upset?’
‘Devastated.’
‘Will I go up to her?’
‘Yeah, do.’ I went into the kitchen, Paul following me. ‘Here, bring her up these cucumber slices.’
‘Cucumber?’ he said, staring at me as if I’d lost my mind.
‘For her eyes. They’ll help with the puffiness.’
‘I’ll kill that little shit.’
He was back down a minute later.
‘Long chat, then?’ I smiled.
‘I had no idea what to say. You know what I’m like when they cry, I just panic.’
‘So, what did you say?’
‘I just said I was sorry and that she’s wonderful and he’s an arsehole.’
‘You covered all the angles, then.’
‘Women are better at this stuff.’
‘Not really. I didn’t know what to say either. I just listened to her and said pretty much exactly the same things you did.’
‘Where’s Sarah?’
‘Supposedly doing her homework, but I’d say she’s texting everyone she’s ever met to tell them she’s going out with Bobby.’
‘What?’
‘Sarah is, as of this morning, going out with Bobby Masterson-Brown, who apparently is a total stud.’
‘Is he?’
‘Nope, he looks ridiculous – badly highlighted hair and his jeans hanging down around his knees, but she seems very excited.’
‘The last thing that girl needs is a boyfriend.’
‘It might not be such a bad thing. It might settle her down a bit. Apparently he’s not super-smart but not thick either.’
‘I don’t see anyone from Mensa going out with Sarah.’ We laughed. ‘Where’s Charlie?’
I rolled my eyes. ‘He’s gone to meet that woman Lily from the funeral.’
‘The one whose bum he pinched?’
‘The very same.’
‘Way to go, Charlie.’
‘Apparently she’s fifty-four, which is borderline. He won’t go out with anyone over fifty-five. It’s too old, despite the fact that he’s sixty-eight.’
‘He’s right. You don’t want them too wrinkly.’ Paul laughed.
‘I just hope he doesn’t attack her in the car or something. He’s like a teenager with raging hormones.’
‘I admire his –’ Paul was stopped short by the sight of my father strolling into the kitchen with a stumbling Lily in tow.
‘Evening, all,’ Charlie said, grinning from ear to ear.
‘Well, hello there, Charlie,’ said Paul, grinning back.
‘I’d like you to meet the lovely Lily.’
‘’S lovely to meesh you,’ slurred Lily.
She looked a lot worse than she had at Catherine’s funeral. Her skirt was askew, her lipstick was all over her teeth and the middle two buttons on her blouse had come undone so we had a bird’s-eye view
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