Read Online Phoenix Rising by Heather R. Blair - Free Book Online

lips.
    “Say what you mean, goddamn it, Miles.”
    “I believe I just did .”
    Miles let her hand fly, unflinching when it smacked into his face with a resounding crack. The stinging pain felt good. It felt right . He wanted her anger, not her goddamn acceptance.
    But her next words floored him.
    “ Me not fight? Fuck you! You are the one who didn’t fight, Miles! You! Goddamn it, you wouldn’t even deign to speak to me. You had your damn servant dump me in the street, like a dirty chore you couldn’t be bothered to deal with!”
    “You. Had. Betrayed . Me.” His words were short and harsh as a chisel flying into stone. “What in the hell was there for me to fight for ?”
    Kelsey spun away from him, dark hair flying, her fists at her sides as her delicate shoulders hitched, once, then twice. He caught a soft sob she immediately smothered with one hand fisted against her lips.
    Her pain and anger both soothed his own and made it worse.
    Miles rubbed the back of his neck, his fingers sliding into his own hair and pulling as he fought to control the rage and frustration threatening to strike out of him like a poisonous snake.
    What the hell was he doing here? Had he turned masochist, for God’s sake? Bite her, get her off and then dredge up all this shit so they both could go back to being properly miserable?!
    Was that what he was doing here?
    He could not forgive her. It just wasn't possible.
    That is why he pushed her so far away so quickly. No matter what the excuse was, he couldn’t. She had risked lives, innocent lives. His own betrayal he could have lived with, but risking the innocents that came to him for protection—
    Never.
    Yes, it was true that none of his people had lost their lives because of what Kelsey had done, but….
    Loyalty meant everything to him. Everything. You didn’t come back from betrayal. People pretended to, but they didn’t.
    “I did. I did betray you, Miles,” her words were so soft, he thought at first it was the wind in the trees again. “Before I really knew you. Yes, I did.”
    She hadn’t turned. Her head was bowed, her back to him, her fists still clenched.
    “I was a stupid girl; abused and frightened and trained for years ! Leashed and …bound in ways you can’t even comprehend. Conditioned, Miles, to think of you as a target. To regard all shades as evil. No more than a scourge to be eradicated.” She took a deep, shuddering breath before turning to face him. “But I never believed it, not really. I knew it was wrong. I just didn’t have the choice of walking away. Not—”
    “I told you before, there is always a choice, Kels Bells.” One hand scrubbed his face as he bit the words out, instead of the ones he really wanted to say.
    I could have protected you , whatever it was! Why didn’t you come to me? Goddamn, why?!
    His heart screamed the words, but he didn’t speak them aloud.
    Couldn’t.
    “Sometimes …there are only two really bad choices, Miles. You don’t….” Kelsey shook her head, as if changing her mind about something she was going to say. She swallowed and started again. “There was a time I thought it was my only choice. That was before I fell in love with you, Miles. After that …I made a new choice. I told them I was done. I said no more . I made my stand—and you fucking deserted me for it.”
    God, she had said it. Why, Kelsey, why now?
    Every muscle in his body tightened and thrummed at her words, but somehow he kept his voice even while his soul bled.
    “Yes, I did. Because I didn’t want to hear it, Kelsey.”
    He might have.
    God help him, he would have. Miles knew it. Despite everything, he might have forgiven her all.
    If she had come to him first. But she hadn’t. And that made all the difference in the world.
    Yes, he had accused her of not fighting, but Miles knew he hadn’t fought for her either. But she hadn't allowed him to.
    She hadn’t come to him.
    Why wouldn’t she do that? He had asked himself the question a