Read Online Patrick Griffin's Last Breakfast on Earth by Ned Rust - Free Book Online

been told of the abominations?”
    â€œOh, yeah,” said Patrick. “Like in Kempton’s game?”
    â€œPrecisely!” said Kempton, entering the dining room, rubbing hand sanitizer into his hands once again. “That one you saw me frag was a Class III—one of the very worst!”
    â€œYes,” said Mr. Puber gravely. “The mission I’m contributing to now is on the trail of a Class II, a variety known as a Shambling Mound. Highly camouflaged, very hard for our sensors to detect.”
    â€œSo. Wait. There are, like, real monsters out there?” asked Patrick, remembering anew that this was—it obviously had to be—all a dream.
    â€œReal monsters!?” said Mr. Puber. “Quadrupeds with twelve-inch teeth and razor-sharp claws that live only to kill and maim! Flying chimeras that can pluck a child from a sidewalk on its way home from school! Humongous, hirsute humanoids that can tear a man limb-from-limb!”
    â€œAre there real monsters ?!” Kempton said with a snort.
    â€œWhy would anybody make such things up?” said Mr. Puber.

 
    CHAPTER 15
    Household Odors

    Mrs. Griffin and Lucie watched as Mr. Coffin’s unconscious body was loaded into the ambulance.
    â€œMedics say he’s going to be fine,” said the returning policeman. “Had a little accident with some bear spray is all.”
    â€œBear spray?” asked Mrs. Griffin.
    â€œYes, ma’am,” said the officer. “That’s the third accident with that stuff since the Peekskill sighting. People have been stocking up on it, and I guess getting a little trigger-happy. Just three weeks ago a guy over in Pleasantville sent two barbecue guests to the hospital because he thought it would be a good idea to test the stuff on his patio.”
    â€œThat scream we heard was Mr. Coffin ?” asked Lucie.
    â€œYep,” said the officer, hooking his thumb at the ambulance. “Pretty high-pitched for an old guy, right? Like I said, stuff’s very powerful. And, obviously, painful.”
    â€œAnd there was no actual bear?” asked Lucie’s mother.
    â€œNo bear. The old man was actually babbling about rabbits and deer before he passed out. I shouldn’t speculate, but it’s possible he was under the influence of something or other. You notice anything odd about him lately?”
    â€œHe never comes outside except to complain about the noise of my husband’s lawn mower. He’s basically a hermit,” Mrs. Griffin replied.
    â€œHe doesn’t even answer the door on Halloween, even though we know he’s in there,” added Lucie.
    â€œYeah, well,” said the officer, taking off his hat and mopping his brow with a coffee-stained paper napkin. “Anyhow, why don’t you go back in the house and check for any hiding spots we may have missed. We’ve alerted the entire force, so if anybody sees him around the neighborhood, they’ll know to call it in. But I’m sure he’s fine, ma’am. Just give him a couple hours. Boys will be boys.”
    A silver Mercedes sedan with tinted windows slowed down in front of the house just then.
    â€œNeighbor?” asked the policeman.
    â€œI don’t know whose car that is,” said Mrs. Griffin.
    The car sped away.
    â€œProbably just a looky-loo,” he replied. “You know how people are—they see flashing lights and they gotta go stick their noses in it. All right, we’re going back to the station but give us a call as soon as he turns up, okay?”
    â€œThank you, officer,” said Mrs. Griffin.
    As she and Lucie watched the policeman return to his car, she began to sob.
    â€œMom, don’t cry. You heard the policeman. Everything’s fine.”
    Mary Griffin looked at her daughter. “I see why what you’re saying makes sense, but I’m just—I’m just … I have this terrible feeling . It’s not a regular