Read Online Pathways (9780307822208) by Lisa T. Bergren - Free Book Online
Authors: Lisa T. Bergren
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Her hair was loose and shimmering in the slight breeze as she tried to read her ruffling paper. She was so beautiful. So smart. Probably used to a paper delivered on the day it was dated. She could never be happy in Alaska. And moreover, he didn’t belong with her if she didn’t share his love for the Lord and his love of the land. She was highly educated, going much farther than his own associate’s degree. A doctor.
A doctor
. What right did he think he had to even consider being more than a friend to her?
They were a mismatch, from sock to hat. From the inside out. That was what he told himself anyway. Tried to tell himself to get a grip. To move forward with his plan to tell her good-bye. Not just for the summer, but forever.
She glanced up, looking along the fjord beach line, and finally to the street and Eli. He smiled, and she smiled back, her eyes mysterious and beckoning. He walked forward, like a sailor careening toward a dangerous shoal, yet unable to do anything else.
“How did it go?” she asked, folding up her paper and standing beside him. Her eyes were bright and happy, and an hour in the seaside sun had kissed her cheeks with pink.
“It went well,” he said, stuffing his hands into his jean pockets. “All three of them were interested. We’ll talk about it more nextmonth and do some serious planning—maybe even a little joint advertising come spring.”
“That’s great news!” she exclaimed, throwing her arms around him in an exuberant hug. “I’m so happy for you!” She started to pull away, but he succumbed then to the relentless desire to hold her. He pulled her to him tightly, moving to cradle her head against the nook beneath his chin, feeling the heavy, long strands of silky hair beneath his hand.
“Oh, Bryn,” he said, almost in a moan. “Oh, Bryn.”
She looked up at him then, her eyes the color of a fall leaf-fire’s smoke, the invitation to kiss her present again. Her lips parted, slightly, beckoning him. He closed his eyes against her beauty, against the vision of her, and tipped his head back a little, trying to pull away, knowing he must.
“Kiss me, Eli,” she whispered. “Kiss me.”
He shook his head, a tiny motion at first, then stronger, gaining momentum until he could release her entirely. He sighed heavily and dared to look at her. “I can’t.”
“Why not?” she asked, her look incredulous. “You clearly want to. I want you to. Why not?”
“Because.” He licked his lips and swallowed hard. “Because a kiss means more to me now than when I was sixteen. Because a kiss is a seal, a declaration of love. A proclamation of it. It means something to me, Bryn.”
“It means something to me, too,” she said, wrapping her arms around him again.
“No. No, Bryn,” he said, pulling her away from him. “I can’t. I can’t do this. You and I are not right. You belong someplace else. I belong nowhere but here.” He shook his head sadly, nearing tears.“I brought you here to see more of Alaska and to say good-bye. Not to get things rolling again.”
“Oh,” she said, her face showing the blows of his words. “I had thought … I had hoped … Oh.” She glanced up at him, her eyes brimming with tears.
He closed his eyes to the gut-punch of inflicting pain on her. Of bringing her anything but joy and light and peace. “I’m sorry, Bryn. I wish it were different. I wish we were older, that we had a chance. But right now, we’re too different and heading in opposite directions. Don’t you see? It’s hopeless.”
“Hopeless,” she mumbled back, nodding a little. But her eyes—those dark, clear eyes that he had begun to read so well—her eyes were still full of hope. Hope that he would change his mind, hope that he was mistaken, hope that there was a way for them.
But there wasn’t.
Part 2
Higher Road, 1996
C HAPTER F OUR
B ryn Bailey left for Alaska again four years, ten months after she departed swearing she would never return. This
A doctor
. What right did he think he had to even consider being more than a friend to her?
They were a mismatch, from sock to hat. From the inside out. That was what he told himself anyway. Tried to tell himself to get a grip. To move forward with his plan to tell her good-bye. Not just for the summer, but forever.
She glanced up, looking along the fjord beach line, and finally to the street and Eli. He smiled, and she smiled back, her eyes mysterious and beckoning. He walked forward, like a sailor careening toward a dangerous shoal, yet unable to do anything else.
“How did it go?” she asked, folding up her paper and standing beside him. Her eyes were bright and happy, and an hour in the seaside sun had kissed her cheeks with pink.
“It went well,” he said, stuffing his hands into his jean pockets. “All three of them were interested. We’ll talk about it more nextmonth and do some serious planning—maybe even a little joint advertising come spring.”
“That’s great news!” she exclaimed, throwing her arms around him in an exuberant hug. “I’m so happy for you!” She started to pull away, but he succumbed then to the relentless desire to hold her. He pulled her to him tightly, moving to cradle her head against the nook beneath his chin, feeling the heavy, long strands of silky hair beneath his hand.
“Oh, Bryn,” he said, almost in a moan. “Oh, Bryn.”
She looked up at him then, her eyes the color of a fall leaf-fire’s smoke, the invitation to kiss her present again. Her lips parted, slightly, beckoning him. He closed his eyes against her beauty, against the vision of her, and tipped his head back a little, trying to pull away, knowing he must.
“Kiss me, Eli,” she whispered. “Kiss me.”
He shook his head, a tiny motion at first, then stronger, gaining momentum until he could release her entirely. He sighed heavily and dared to look at her. “I can’t.”
“Why not?” she asked, her look incredulous. “You clearly want to. I want you to. Why not?”
“Because.” He licked his lips and swallowed hard. “Because a kiss means more to me now than when I was sixteen. Because a kiss is a seal, a declaration of love. A proclamation of it. It means something to me, Bryn.”
“It means something to me, too,” she said, wrapping her arms around him again.
“No. No, Bryn,” he said, pulling her away from him. “I can’t. I can’t do this. You and I are not right. You belong someplace else. I belong nowhere but here.” He shook his head sadly, nearing tears.“I brought you here to see more of Alaska and to say good-bye. Not to get things rolling again.”
“Oh,” she said, her face showing the blows of his words. “I had thought … I had hoped … Oh.” She glanced up at him, her eyes brimming with tears.
He closed his eyes to the gut-punch of inflicting pain on her. Of bringing her anything but joy and light and peace. “I’m sorry, Bryn. I wish it were different. I wish we were older, that we had a chance. But right now, we’re too different and heading in opposite directions. Don’t you see? It’s hopeless.”
“Hopeless,” she mumbled back, nodding a little. But her eyes—those dark, clear eyes that he had begun to read so well—her eyes were still full of hope. Hope that he would change his mind, hope that he was mistaken, hope that there was a way for them.
But there wasn’t.
Part 2
Higher Road, 1996
C HAPTER F OUR
B ryn Bailey left for Alaska again four years, ten months after she departed swearing she would never return. This
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