Past Mortem

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Authors: Ben Elton
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could not possibly have gained the experience that his rank required. The fact that Newson had been successful with a number of seemingly unsolvable cases had, if anything, increased the resentment with which some officers regarded him. He was just so unlike a proper policeman. He was short, uninterested in sport and smiled too much.
    When the meeting was over Natasha offered Newson a stick of her Twix. ‘You shouldn’t let him bully you like that.’
    ‘I didn’t think he was bullying me.’
    ‘Of course he was. I wouldn’t let anybody do that to me.
    ‘Ah, but you do,’ said Newson. ‘You’ve let Lance bully you for years and now you’ve even let him decide when the bullying stops.’ As he said it he could see that he’d gone too far.
    ‘That was horrible,’ Natasha said, blinking a little.
    For a moment Newson thought she was going to cry. ‘I’m sorry. I did feel a bit put down, you know, by the chief and then you…’
    ‘All the same, you shouldn’t bring Lance into it. That’s not your business.
    So many ways to feel bad all at once. Newson had hurt her, which be hated to do. He’d forced her to reveal how much Lance meant to her, which he also hated. He’d provoked her into reminding him that he had no right to make such an intimate observation for the obvious reason that she felt no real intimacy with him. Finally, he’d further undermined the true nature of their relationship, which was, of course, a professional one: two officers in the field, relying on each other in a potentially dangerous game.
    And it was also so unfair. There was no way that Natasha could claim Newson had no business bringing up Lance when she regularly volunteered information about her boyfriend and valued Newson’s sympathetic ear. But then he fancied her and she did not fancy him. The playing field was not level, and unfair had nothing to do with it. When it came to an emotional stand-off right was on the side of the adored and he was always going to be the loser.
    ‘Please forget I said anything,’ Newson said. ‘We have a killer to catch.’
    ‘Well, the super isn’t helping, is he?’ Natasha replied. ‘I don’t see how much harder we could look. We’ve talked to everybody the bastard ever knew and come up with absolutely nothing. We don’t know any more now than we knew at the scene of the crime.’
    Detective Inspector Newson chewed his Twix.’
    ‘In that case I’m afraid we won’t know any more until he, or at a stretch she, kills again.’
    ‘Shit. That’s depressing.’
    ‘Unless…‘ Newson was speaking almost to himself, ‘unless, of course, he’s killed before.’
    ‘Sorry?’
    ‘Think about it. Adam Bishop’s murder is already in danger of becoming an unsolved crime. Perhaps our killer has struck before and his crimes are still hanging about somewhere on the computer.’
    ‘You think we should type ‘short skewer in the anus’ into the database and see how many matches we get?’
    ‘I doubt it’ll be as easy as that, but we could try a few searches, couldn’t we? ‘Obsessive’, ‘ritual’, ‘left a very clean toilet’, and see how far we get.’
    Sergeant Wilkie looked at her watch. It was nearly five. ‘OK, we could start now if you like. Let’s face it, I’m not doing anything.’
    ‘On the other hand, we could forget all about work, take a cab up town, get a table at the Savoy Grill, gorge ourselves on a huge and expensive dinner, then dance till dawn,’ Newson said, leaving Sergeant Wilkie no time to reply before adding, ‘You’re right. Insane idea, madness, horrible place the Savoy, and anyway I can’t dance, arse too close to the ground. Glad we’ve got that sorted out.’

EIGHT
    I expected someone older,’ said Inspector Collins of the Greater Manchester Police when they met at Manchester Piccadilly Station. ‘And bigger.’
    Newson and Natasha’s delving into the Police National Computer archive had unearthed three unsolved cases that Newson felt

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