Read Online Paranoiac by Attikus Absconder - Free Book Online

downwards. All these different colors and voices began to
blur past me, softly slipping into something very soft, and warm. I
smelled the scent of cheap cigarettes, and heard the awful 90’s
music and could over hear at least a dozen out-of-synch
conversations. Finally, when I opened my eyes I was sitting next to
her and she was smiling that beautiful smile.
    It was so
strange, all of my other memories leading up to this had been in
almost a third person view. Yet this was as if I was reliving this
sliver of my past through my own eyes, my own body, sensations and
all. We were a few years older, out of college and at a party. We
both sat on a dog-legged couch, surrounded by other party goers.
She rested drunk and comfortable on the couch tediously complaining
about her relationship problems. I had my legs propped up on a
glass coffee table, peeling the label off of my hard cider, a drink
that I loved to death in my twenties and on into my
thirties.
    “ Trey was so pissed off when Jenny asked if they could be in an
open relationship. After she told him he basically stomped away. He
we was acting like she just broke up with him,” She slurred, very
intoxicated. I looked over at her and smiled. For the first time
realized that I was as drunk off my ass as Molly had
been.
    “ I
could NEVER be in an open relationship, I’d get so jealous. I don’t
care how liberating and empowering Jenny says it would be!” She
said only stopping to sip on her disgusting light beer. Molly
always gossiped when she was drunk. It was a little unbecoming now
that I’m seeing this all over again.
    I listened to
her talk about her friends, problems and family. The background
murmured with music and bubbles of personal conversations between
tired inebriated people. After a few more drinks my world was
starting to spin. I was a little more drunk than I wanted to be.
Molly reached over and squeezed my leg gently, “Thanks for coming
to this lame party with me.” She fixed a loose strand of her hair
and continued. “You’re my best friend, always there for me, always
listening to me. I really wish more guys were like you. I need to
find someone like you out there.”
    I turned and
looked at her, my heart beating in my throat. Her hair was
disheveled and there was a pink blush spreading across her face.
Molly was smiling and biting her lip. I was swaying from my warm
drunkenness and stared at her inhuman, gorgeous, green eyes.
“Mo-Molly, you’re the best.” She looked at me, squeezed my leg
again and giggled. I touched her hair slowly, fighting the urge to
kiss her.
    The party
faded to a blur, my heart was beating faster and my stomach was
fluttering around in my abdomen. The music faded and all I could
hear was my heart beating. I touched her face and made one of the
biggest mistakes of my life. Drunk, all I wanted to be was selfish.
So I kissed her. I kissed her passionately and for a moment I
thought she was going to return my love.
    At first she
seemed to kiss me back but I felt her hand gently press against my
chest. When I pulled away from her lips and saw the look on her
face I instantly knew I betrayed our friendship. It was so hard
loving her, knowing she only considered me a friend or worse, a
brother. She lightly pushed me away, staring at me with a
comforting gaze. I knew she only saw me as a platonic presence and
she probably knew deep down that I loved her.
    The cacophony
of the room crashed back into ears. Once again it was was filled
with those obnoxious party goers. I saw her wince but before she
could say anything, I put a space in between us and drunkenly
said,” I’m s-sorry Molly. I am way too drunk! Probably more than I
have ever been and that’s saying something!” She looked at me
lovingly for a moment and started giving me the speech. It was that
speech everyone has heard or said at least once in their
lives.
    “ You know, I think you’re amazing.” I looked at my feet,
feeling sick as she said those words. I