Read Online Pants on Fire by Maggie Alderson - Free Book Online Page B

was learning to call them—I realised what was odd about the moment with Rory at the door. I think he’d been about to ask me for my phone number. And I was slightly disappointed that he hadn’t.

Chapter Four
    â€œOK, how about ‘Why Running Away from Heartache Never Works’?”
    â€œNo, too depressing,” growled Glow ’s editor, Maxine Thane. “It’s just a statement, it doesn’t offer a solution. Who’s going to buy a magazine that promises to make them depressed? Could you all think before you open your mouths, please? Liinda, this story was your idea, what have you got?”
    â€œWell, how about ‘You’ve Left Him, But You’re Still Carrying the Baggage’?”
    â€œNot bad, we’re getting somewhere—baggage is a good word and it’s quite funny, but it’s a bit clumsy. Have you got any ideas, Zoe?”
    â€œEr . . . ‘The Great Guy Who Got Away’?”
    â€œWhat? Pay attention, will you?” said Maxine, not a woman inclined to put tact before getting her point across. “I know you’re thinking about all the lunch you’re not going to eat, but ‘The Great Guy Who Got Away’ is another story entirely. Actually, it’s not a bad idea—make a note of it, Liinda. We could get single women in their late thirties to talk about the one guy they still think about. Put it on the list for the May issue. It would be cheap to do. We can ring all our friends and ask them. Now, what are we going to call this bloody man-baggage feature? Debbie?”
    Debbie was looking down at her manicured nails and hardly lifted her glossy blonde head towards Maxine to answer. She sighed deeply.
    â€œOh, I don’t know. What’s it about? Dumping a man and not being over him? That’s never happened to me. I can’t imagine it. I just dump them and never give them another thought.”
    â€œOh, you make me sick,” said Maxine. “I don’t know why I have you at these meetings. You might look like Grace Kelly, but I’ve met more intelligent handbags. Just sit there and look beautiful, darling, it might inspire somebody. OK, come on the rest of you, someone has an idea, surely?”
    Up until now I’d been gazing vacantly out of the window, mesmerised by the vivid blue sky. I turned back to the other four women in the room and sat up.
    â€œSo what we’re really looking at here,” I said, “Is ‘Why a Perfectly Normal Person Might Move to the Other Side of the World to Get Over Some Stupid Man.’ Is that right?”
    â€œExactly.”
    â€œWell, funnily enough, I think I might be able to come up with some input on that—”
    But before I could finish I was interrupted by a very pale woman with an enormous tower of black hair piled up on her head like an out-of-control bird’s nest, with a large pink hibiscus flower that appeared to grow out of the middle of it. Liinda Vidovic.
    â€œHow about ‘You’ve Left the Country, But Have You Really Left Him Behind’?” she said, determined that the editor’s attention stay on her and “her” story idea.
    â€œMmm . . . That’s pretty good, but it’s a bit long,” Maxine replied.
    â€œI’ve got a better idea,” I said, turning towards Liinda. The bird’s nest swung around in irritation. “What about ‘You’ve Left Him, But Have You Left Him Behind’?”
    â€œThat’s brilliant, Georgia,” said Maxine, smiling delightedly. “We’ve got it. Now you can all fuck off and leave me alone.”
    â€œAnd incidentally, the answer is yes,” I added. “I have left him behind. Thank you all for your interest.”
    It was a good line, but then it should have been, seeing as it came from my own painful experience, which Liinda, as predicted, had lifted wholesale as a coverline. Of course it was outrageous of her to use