Panic

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Authors: J. A. Huss
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the box and start unpacking. It’s got interchangeable lenses. I don’t know a whole lot about camcorders, but I do know that it’s not normal to be able to change lenses on them. Which means this camera is a BFD. When I check the clock it’s only five fifteen AM. I do a search for my phone and find it on the little table over my the front door, and then call Ford.
    “Miss Corvus, we do not have a date this morning.”
    I laugh. “I know, Ford. But I’m looking at my camera that Ronin got me and I want to start filming now. I have things to capture before I leave this place. Can you come help me set it up?”
    “Did you charge the battery last night?” he asks with doubt.
    “Um, no,” I say, disappointed.
    “OK, well, I’ll grab a camera and bring it to you. How’s that?”
    Happiness overtakes the disappointment. I guess he’s serious about this friend stuff. “Thank you.”
    “Meet me on the terrace in fifteen minutes.”
    I wash up, change into some jeans and one of the Shrike Rook shirts Spencer made for me, and then pull on my red Converse shoes. I keep waiting for these things to fall apart, but they never do. They have holes in the top near the toe and there’s even a little hole in the bottom of the left one. So my feet totally get wet in the rain. But I don’t care. Besides the backpack I left my last foster home with, these ratty shoes are the last thing I own from my life before Jon. I take it as a sign that the old me is still around. Somewhere.
    By the time I get to the terrace Ford is ready. He’s got a camera like mine upstairs and he’s pointing it at me as I walk towards him.
    “You’re up, Rook. I’m your cameraman. Say what’s on your mind.”
    “Oh, now I’m nervous.” I giggle. “OK, well, I just want to show…” I stop and take a deep breath and start again. “I just want to capture what’s happened to me. What this place did for me and how it all started.”
    “All what started, Rook?” Ford asks from behind the camera.
    “The journey back.” He says nothing to this, just waits for me. “The journey back to myself.” And then I point to the swing. “And it all started right there.” I walk over to the swing and take a seat. “It started under these trees last spring. When they were filled with flowers and they smelled so incredible, the scent was almost overwhelming. And the very first night I spent here at Chaput Studios Ronin pushed me in this swing.” I look up at Ford and he’s smiling. I lean back and kick my feet out in front of me, pumping my legs to gain some momentum to push myself in the swing.
    “And then he started asking me personal questions and I jumped off.” I jump and land on my feet this time. “That was my very first night in the garden apartment. That’s how my new life started.” I take Ford over there and we go inside and I sit in each room and tell the camera some memory about it. Afterward we go back out on the terrace and he shoots me standing with a view of Coors Field behind me and I talk about our running.
    We go through the whole studio. We hit the two-story-tall windows where I had my test shoot with Antoine, the dressing room where Ronin gave me all those clothes, and the salon where Elise washed my hair. Then make our way upstairs where a sleeping Ronin jumps up in surprise when we enter the bedroom.
    “What’s going on, Gidge?” he asks, still groggy.
    “I’m recording my life here with you for posterity, that’s what.” I jump into bed with him and Ford sets the camera down on a chair and walks away.
    “I’ll see you two this afternoon. That camera is still on, Rook.”
    Ronin tackles me and rolls me over on my back. “You’re trying to make a sex tape with me?”
    I laugh. “No! I just want a little film of us in private. That’s all.”
    “Mmmm,” he growls. “But in private we do lots of naughty things, so that means right now we have to be sweet.”
    “I like sweet.”
    “Me too,” he says, nipping

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