Read Online Owning Regina: Diary of my unxpected passion for another woman by Lorelei Elstrom - Free Book Online
Authors: Lorelei Elstrom
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desperate. It wasn’t even lunchtime yet. I struggled to occupy myself with my job, trying everything to avoid calling. It was torture.
And of course, with each minute that went by, I had this running dialog with myself: “Maybe she misses me and is struggling hard not to call me too. Maybe she was getting angry with me that I wasn’t contacting her. Maybe she thought I was playing games with her to see who would call first. Or maybe, she was just going along in the trappings of her day and has me on the back burner of her mind.” But the way we connected told me that she wasn’t likely to play games.
Also, from the way she was crying during our little session (for lack of a better word), I’m sure she was thinking about me, touched by the sudden and extreme emotional changes.
Ding-a-ling! The caller I.D. on my office phone showed that Regina was calling. My emotions started racing. I quickly picked up:
ME
Hi Regina!
REGINA
Hi.
ME
I’m so glad you called. I was on the fence about calling you . I didn’t want to bug you or seem desperate.
REGINA
I had the exact same thoughts. I felt like calling but wanted to play it cool.
ME
Regina, let’s agree on one thing.
REGINA
Ok, what?
ME
Let’s agree that we will always keep our relationship healthy by not playing any games.
REGINA
You mean like calculating to call or not call?
ME
Right. We should just always operate out of honesty. If we feel like calling, we call. If we feel hurt, we say it. If we feel jealous or put off or slighted, we say it. I think that will help us stay on course with each other.
REGINA
Agreed. That’s how I normally operate anyway . But with something as delicate and precious as what we are developing, I might have tended to cover some feelings in hopes of not pushing you away. But you’re right. There is no place for that with us. The only games we can play are the games about the weather.
ME
(I chuckled)
Sounds good. Like right now… I don’t know if you said that… in hopes of getting me to talk about the sky… or if you just said it for fun.
REGINA
I was just joking. If I really want to talk about the sky with you, you will know it. You will see me yearn. You will be able to read me. You will see my eyes begging for your control. You will know when to talk about the sky.
ME
Great. So in the same spirit of honesty and not playing games, I will tell you that I am crazy in love with you. I know it doesn’t seem possible yet, but this has never happened to me!
REGINA
I feel the same way.
I can’t wait until yoga to see you.
ME
I got an idea. I have to location scout tomorrow for a couple hours. I was going to go in the morning, but if you like, I can go at 4pm and take you and Tucker along.
REGINA
Really? You wouldn’t mind if Tucker came?
ME
Normally, it is super bad to have kids meet all the various dates that a girl has. You’re supposed to wait until something is more solid so that the child isn’t jerked along with a string of new faces and drama. But this feels different. Am I high?
REGINA
No. It feels solid . (Pause) Let’s just be friends in front of Tucker. He will love you. I’ll tell him you are my new friend.
ME
Ok. The location scouting should be fun for him. We have to check out six giant stylized warehouses for a commercial shoot. They are all vacant. He can bring some roller blades or a little bike and have a blast in the big spaces! There’s also one place that is on the 6th floor. We can throw paper airplanes off the overlook. I bet they will fly forever.
REGINA
It sounds like so much fun.
(Thoughtful pause)
I want to touch you.
ME
Me too. But that will have to wait. It will be more fun that way. Forbidden love!
REGINA
I wish I could see you right now!
ME
See you tomorrow at 4. I’ll pick you up.
Then there was a long pause as neither of us
And of course, with each minute that went by, I had this running dialog with myself: “Maybe she misses me and is struggling hard not to call me too. Maybe she was getting angry with me that I wasn’t contacting her. Maybe she thought I was playing games with her to see who would call first. Or maybe, she was just going along in the trappings of her day and has me on the back burner of her mind.” But the way we connected told me that she wasn’t likely to play games.
Also, from the way she was crying during our little session (for lack of a better word), I’m sure she was thinking about me, touched by the sudden and extreme emotional changes.
Ding-a-ling! The caller I.D. on my office phone showed that Regina was calling. My emotions started racing. I quickly picked up:
ME
Hi Regina!
REGINA
Hi.
ME
I’m so glad you called. I was on the fence about calling you . I didn’t want to bug you or seem desperate.
REGINA
I had the exact same thoughts. I felt like calling but wanted to play it cool.
ME
Regina, let’s agree on one thing.
REGINA
Ok, what?
ME
Let’s agree that we will always keep our relationship healthy by not playing any games.
REGINA
You mean like calculating to call or not call?
ME
Right. We should just always operate out of honesty. If we feel like calling, we call. If we feel hurt, we say it. If we feel jealous or put off or slighted, we say it. I think that will help us stay on course with each other.
REGINA
Agreed. That’s how I normally operate anyway . But with something as delicate and precious as what we are developing, I might have tended to cover some feelings in hopes of not pushing you away. But you’re right. There is no place for that with us. The only games we can play are the games about the weather.
ME
(I chuckled)
Sounds good. Like right now… I don’t know if you said that… in hopes of getting me to talk about the sky… or if you just said it for fun.
REGINA
I was just joking. If I really want to talk about the sky with you, you will know it. You will see me yearn. You will be able to read me. You will see my eyes begging for your control. You will know when to talk about the sky.
ME
Great. So in the same spirit of honesty and not playing games, I will tell you that I am crazy in love with you. I know it doesn’t seem possible yet, but this has never happened to me!
REGINA
I feel the same way.
I can’t wait until yoga to see you.
ME
I got an idea. I have to location scout tomorrow for a couple hours. I was going to go in the morning, but if you like, I can go at 4pm and take you and Tucker along.
REGINA
Really? You wouldn’t mind if Tucker came?
ME
Normally, it is super bad to have kids meet all the various dates that a girl has. You’re supposed to wait until something is more solid so that the child isn’t jerked along with a string of new faces and drama. But this feels different. Am I high?
REGINA
No. It feels solid . (Pause) Let’s just be friends in front of Tucker. He will love you. I’ll tell him you are my new friend.
ME
Ok. The location scouting should be fun for him. We have to check out six giant stylized warehouses for a commercial shoot. They are all vacant. He can bring some roller blades or a little bike and have a blast in the big spaces! There’s also one place that is on the 6th floor. We can throw paper airplanes off the overlook. I bet they will fly forever.
REGINA
It sounds like so much fun.
(Thoughtful pause)
I want to touch you.
ME
Me too. But that will have to wait. It will be more fun that way. Forbidden love!
REGINA
I wish I could see you right now!
ME
See you tomorrow at 4. I’ll pick you up.
Then there was a long pause as neither of us
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