Read Online Own the Wind by Kristen Ashley - Free Book Online

whispered.
    See?
    I flopped to my back, stared at the ceiling then moved just my eyeballs to her to see she’d shifted closer and was resting on a hand in the bed beside me.
    “It felt good,” I told her, and she smiled.
    “Of course it felt good, honey. Shy’s a nice guy who took your back and listened to you sing a sad song. It was what you needed and he gave it to you.”
    “No,” I whispered and held her eyes. “It felt good waking up in his arms.”
    Her smile faded again.
    “Oh, Tabby,” she repeated in a whisper, and I put my hands over my face.
    From behind them I said, “It was messed up, crazy,
wrong
.” I pulled my hands away, looked into her troubled face, and let it all hang out. “It was wrong, Ty-Ty. It was… it was
messed up
. I
forgot
.”
    “You forgot what, honey?” she asked gently.
    “Everything,” I answered, rolling to my side and getting up on a forearm. “
Everything
, Ty-Ty. I was crying when I fell asleep and Shy was holding me, but somehow when we were sleeping he tucked me under him, tucked me close, and I woke up and all I felt was warm. Warm and safe and loved and
right
. That was all I felt. All I thought. All that went through my mind was how good all that felt.”
    “Is that bad?” Her tone was still gentle but now also cautious.
    “
Yes
,” I hissed.
    “How?” she asked carefully.
    “Jason didn’t hold me.” She closed her eyes and opened them when I carried on, and I did so thanking God I could talk to Tyra about everything, “He was loving and he could cuddle but not, you know, in bed. He was a hug-and-roll guy. After we, uh…” I let that hang then went on, “He hugged me, let me go, then rolled away. He was sweet about it but that just wasn’t his thing. He liked to sleep in his space and he left me to mine. I’d never had that, not ever, not from a guy, not until I got it from Shy and
I liked it
. It
felt good
. No, it felt
great
.”
    “Tab—” she began, but I was on a roll so I blathered on, talking over her.
    “It gets worse,” I shared. “Even after I woke up feeling safe and right, it didn’t all crash over me. It didn’t come to me at all. I looked up at Shy and he’s, well… you know, everyone knows Shy’s really good-looking, but asleep, Ty-Ty, asleep—” I leaned toward her “—he’s
amazing
. So amazing, so handsome, so close, holding me, making me feel safe and loved and after he’d been so cool with me the night before, I kept forgetting. Kept forgetting
everything
and I, oh Tyra, God help me”—my voice dropped to a whisper—“I nearly kissed him.”
    After sharing that, I flopped back to the bed, put my hands over my face and let it wash over me as it did every time I remembered it, which was often, dozens of times
daily
for six weeks.
    Guilt.
    Shame.
    Betrayal.
    “Tabby, honey, look at me,” she called gently, I pulled in breath behind my hands, then I dropped them away from my face and looked at her.
    She was smiling at me just as gently as she was talking to me, and it hit me, not for the first time, not by a long shot, that I loved Tyra Allen a whole lot.
    “I’m glad you shared that with me. Your dad has been concerned and even more concerned lately, thinking that something else was not right with you,” she told me.
    There it was.
    Proof my father wasn’t stupid and I couldn’t pull anything over on him.
    “It was a betrayal to Jason,” I whispered, and admitting it out loud hurt worse.
    She kept talking gently even as she grabbed my hand and squeezed, “It wasn’t, Tabby. It’s natural. It’s proof you’re healing.”
    I shook my head but she squeezed my hand again.
    “It is, honey,” she pushed. “This sucks, it sucks huge, so huge there are no words for how huge it sucks, and I would say you’re too young to process it, losing Jason the way you did when you did. But honestly, you could be a hundred and three and you wouldn’t have lived enough life to be able to process that kind of loss.