things were linked in some weird way?
Kissing Sam had been, well, an impulse. A sudden urge that she just went with. A sudden urge that turned out ⦠really nicely. Sam was so sweet, she already knew that. But it had been a discovery that the kiss felt so good.
It felt like everything was happening at once, too much to think about. She wouldnât be able to sleep, she knew that already. She put a pad inside fresh knickers. It had âwingsâ. Like a bird, or an angel, or a sanitary pad. She stuck the wings around her knickers to secure the pad. Her pj pants were soaking in the laundry. She put on the new ones sheâd brought in from her bedroom.
Tampons might be harder, but she didnât need to use them yet. Anyway, the whole thing wasnât rocket science. Wasnât like she needed a live demo.
She took the booklet back to her room, though. Just in case sheâd missed something.
Rain tapped on the roof. Insistently. Like it was trying to get in.
Her dad hadnât gone back to bed. He stood at her bedroom door, tapping his fingers on the doorframe, little finger to big. Meredith wriggled under the doona, pushed the booklet deep down under the covers. He stopped tapping at the index finger, midstream.
âDad, really, Iâm fine.â
âWe could ring Aunty Lisa. She would come over. If you have any questions â¦â
Aunty Lisa would purse her lips. She was the original inspiration for one of Meredithâs best faces, the catâs-bum. Aunty Lisa would narrow her eyes, and her tone would be whiny, as though she was sick to death of everything. Her whole being an indicator that life was just something that had to be tolerated.
âWell, Meredith.â Meredithâs impression was perfect. âCongratulations. You are finally a woman. Later than other girls, but at least you got there. Darling.â
The crowâs-feet around her dadâs eyes crinkled with his smile. âYouâre a shocker, Moo,â he admonished.
âReally, Dad, Iâm like the second-last girl my age on the planet to get it. If I have any questions, I can just ask my friends.â
Meredith turned over on her side. Her dad walked in, leant down and kissed her on the temple. Meredith detected a certain glistening in his eyes.
âIâm sorry, Moo. Iâm sorry sheâs not ⦠Let me know if thereâs anything I can do. Anything at all.â
Meredith looked up at the giant poster on her bedroom wall. It covered the space where the photo had been. Chosen for size rather than content. It was some boy band that Meredith wasnât even that into. It was annoying that thoughts of the photo should jump into her head now. She wished she could just erase the memory of it. Of her.
She would not let herself go any further down that road. There was no point. If she let herself slip, she would fall down that black hole. Sheâd been there enough.
She wished the memories would just go away. But there they were, back again.
When it happened, she had been three quarters of the way through grade six. It wasnât a particularly special time of year.
Spring, when the world woke up after a long winter.
When her mother woke up and left them.
Meredith had sunk, then. The poor little girl. Abandoned by her own mother. It was like a neon sign around her neck. Canteen mothers gave her extra in her lunch orders. Like compensation.
Normally the other kids looked to her to make up fun games, but that all changed somehow. They kept their distance. It was as if they carried their parentsâ lectures around with them. That somehow they thought it might be contagious. Their mums might also vanish. They let her have the best swing without an argument. The first turn at everything.
The curse of kindness had followed her everywhere.
It had been such a relief to get to high school, and she chose one that none of her primary school friends were going to. She needed to shed the
Kissing Sam had been, well, an impulse. A sudden urge that she just went with. A sudden urge that turned out ⦠really nicely. Sam was so sweet, she already knew that. But it had been a discovery that the kiss felt so good.
It felt like everything was happening at once, too much to think about. She wouldnât be able to sleep, she knew that already. She put a pad inside fresh knickers. It had âwingsâ. Like a bird, or an angel, or a sanitary pad. She stuck the wings around her knickers to secure the pad. Her pj pants were soaking in the laundry. She put on the new ones sheâd brought in from her bedroom.
Tampons might be harder, but she didnât need to use them yet. Anyway, the whole thing wasnât rocket science. Wasnât like she needed a live demo.
She took the booklet back to her room, though. Just in case sheâd missed something.
Rain tapped on the roof. Insistently. Like it was trying to get in.
Her dad hadnât gone back to bed. He stood at her bedroom door, tapping his fingers on the doorframe, little finger to big. Meredith wriggled under the doona, pushed the booklet deep down under the covers. He stopped tapping at the index finger, midstream.
âDad, really, Iâm fine.â
âWe could ring Aunty Lisa. She would come over. If you have any questions â¦â
Aunty Lisa would purse her lips. She was the original inspiration for one of Meredithâs best faces, the catâs-bum. Aunty Lisa would narrow her eyes, and her tone would be whiny, as though she was sick to death of everything. Her whole being an indicator that life was just something that had to be tolerated.
âWell, Meredith.â Meredithâs impression was perfect. âCongratulations. You are finally a woman. Later than other girls, but at least you got there. Darling.â
The crowâs-feet around her dadâs eyes crinkled with his smile. âYouâre a shocker, Moo,â he admonished.
âReally, Dad, Iâm like the second-last girl my age on the planet to get it. If I have any questions, I can just ask my friends.â
Meredith turned over on her side. Her dad walked in, leant down and kissed her on the temple. Meredith detected a certain glistening in his eyes.
âIâm sorry, Moo. Iâm sorry sheâs not ⦠Let me know if thereâs anything I can do. Anything at all.â
Meredith looked up at the giant poster on her bedroom wall. It covered the space where the photo had been. Chosen for size rather than content. It was some boy band that Meredith wasnât even that into. It was annoying that thoughts of the photo should jump into her head now. She wished she could just erase the memory of it. Of her.
She would not let herself go any further down that road. There was no point. If she let herself slip, she would fall down that black hole. Sheâd been there enough.
She wished the memories would just go away. But there they were, back again.
When it happened, she had been three quarters of the way through grade six. It wasnât a particularly special time of year.
Spring, when the world woke up after a long winter.
When her mother woke up and left them.
Meredith had sunk, then. The poor little girl. Abandoned by her own mother. It was like a neon sign around her neck. Canteen mothers gave her extra in her lunch orders. Like compensation.
Normally the other kids looked to her to make up fun games, but that all changed somehow. They kept their distance. It was as if they carried their parentsâ lectures around with them. That somehow they thought it might be contagious. Their mums might also vanish. They let her have the best swing without an argument. The first turn at everything.
The curse of kindness had followed her everywhere.
It had been such a relief to get to high school, and she chose one that none of her primary school friends were going to. She needed to shed the
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