fires.â
Robbie looks a bit put out.
âIâm going to see if I can find anything else to burn,â he says, standing up.
As I watch him go, I almost feel guilty. But not quite. Robbieâs getting a taste of his own medicine. Heâs done it to me plenty of times.
Gemma hands me the vodka and I take a swig before passing it on to Steph. Then we get back to talking.
Itâs an unusual conversation. Not because weâre talking about anything weird. Itâs just that after the ropey start, Iâm finding myself telling her all types of things that I wouldnât normally come out with. Personal stuff. Stuff that I donât talk much to the lads about because theyâd call me a ponce. Things I enjoy doing. Writing. Sketching. Watching old films.
Itâs not one-way traffic. Iâm getting to know all about Steph. She plays the clarinet. She goes to gym classes. She likes old films too. Her dad separated from her mum when Steph was twelve and she isnât in touch with him any more. Itâs all getting pretty deep.
I decide to take a chance.
âShall I tell you something embarrassing?â
Steph hooks a tendril of hair behind her ear. I notice her fingernails are painted black.
âWhatâs that?â she asks.
âThis sounds mad,â I say. âBut I reckon this is the first time Iâve had a proper conversation with a girl.â
Steph nods, encouraging me to carry on. If what Iâm saying is embarrassing, sheâs not going to make me feel bad about it.
âI mean, Iâve got a sister, Beth, whoâs two years older than me, and we get on alright. But we never actually talk about anything. We just mess around and try to get each other in trouble.â
Steph nods again.
âWhat about girlfriends?â she asks.
âWell, you know. Iâve taken girls out to the cinema and for meals and shopping in the Ainsdale Centre in Letchford. And, donât get me wrong, it was okay. But I didnât really have a connection with any of them. I didnât feel like I could open up and be myself.â
âAnd you do with me?â
My breath sticks in my throat. Iâm going red. Iâm hoping that, in the flickering light of the fire, it wonât be too obvious.
âEr, yeah,â I say. Thereâs no going back. Iâve started talking about feeling a connection and opening up . I sound like one of those crappy Self Help books my mum reads. If Steph takes the piss now, thatâs the whole weekend ruined.
But she doesnât let me down.
âThatâs nice,â she says, looking right at me. âI feel like I can talk to you too.â
I get a surge of pride. That means something.
Steph pokes at the stones between her feet. Sheâs thinking. Eventually she looks up.
âYou told me something youâre not proud of. I should do the same.â
For a split second I go cold.
âYou donât have to,â I say.
Thereâs an odd look on her face.
âYouâre going to think Iâm making this up,â she says. âBut Iâm not. Itâs awful. I donât know why Iâm telling you, to be honest.â
âYou donât have to,â I say again. Iâm worried now. I donât want to have my illusions shattered. Whatever it is, Stephâs going to get it off her chest.
âNot last summer,â she says, âthe summer before, I got a police caution.â
Iâm amazed, but I try not to let it show.
âWhat for?â
Steph shakes her head in disbelief.
âTwoccing a car. Taking Without Ownerâs Consent. A BMW 3 Series. Wedged the door, then used the aerial to undo the locks. After that, I hotwired it. I drove round for a while, then I got pulled over. Donât know why I did it. Bored I suppose.â
I let this information filter in. Itâs a bit of a surprise, but itâs not as bad as it could have been. Steph looks uncertain.
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