Read Online Out of the Pocket by Bill Konigsberg - Free Book Online

single gay male athlete?”
    “The diver,” he said, searching for a name.
    “Team sports,” I said. “It’s different when it’s a team sport.”
    He gawked at me inquisitively.
    “You can’t name one, I can’t name one,” I said patiently.
    “But it never occurs to me to think of the sexual persuasion of an athlete. Why does it matter?”
    58
    “Well, maybe it shouldn’t, but it does,” I said. “Otherwise, wouldn’t there be some openly gay people?”
    He seemed to be staring through me. “Zuz!” he yelled.
    I protected my face with my arms, half expecting a physical attack after what sounded like a war cry.
    Blassingame laughed. “I’m sorry Bobby. It was in the back of my mind. Zuz . A three-letter word for an ancient Hebrew coin. The doctor triumphs yet again!” He raised his hands in triumph, grabbed his pen, and fi lled in three blank spaces.
    Anger was boiling in me, but I looked at him and he seemed so enthralled by this discovery, like a child learning how to read, that I had to laugh. He did, too.
    “Forgive me,” he said. “It annoys everyone. I’ll try to do better.”
    After a beat he lightly pounded his desk with his fist. “So let me understand,” he said. “You’re angry that your friend betrayed you by telling others.”
    “Yes. Exactly,” I said.
    “I can imagine that. Friendships are paramount, and there needs to be trust.”
    I stared at him, waiting for him to tell me something I didn’t know.
    He studied me, as if trying to peer inside me. “Yes, I believe that’s so. Also, you are angry because you are gay and this will make it hard to pursue a career in football.”
    “You got it.”
    Blassingame stood and wandered to a bookshelf, picking up a book from the second-highest shelf and replacing it on the top shelf.
    “I see. Perhaps the answer is to change your sexuality.”
    I laughed, thinking about the power of the dreams, the way they’d gotten stronger. I imagined trying to change them and suddenly it seemed ludicrous. “I don’t think I can.”
    59
    “Ah. So it’s stronger than you are.”
    “Well, in some ways it is, I guess.”
    He took the same book down and leafed through it. “So you can’t change it.”
    “No, I guess not.”
    “I see.” He came and sat down again and smiled at me. “Well, Bobby. If you can’t change something, I believe you have two choices.”
    “What?” I asked.
    “You can accept it, or you can deny it.”
    I stared at the busted golf club and thought about this. He had a point. “So I guess I accept it,” I said. “But what if I accept it, but the world doesn’t?”
    “I guess all you can do, then, is change the world.”
    I laughed. The idea of me, Bobby Framingham, changing the world was pretty stupid. It was hard enough for me to remember to change my underwear.
    “Okay then,” I said sarcastically. “I guess I’ll do that.”
    He winked at me. “I know you’re not serious, but do me a favor, will you? Keep that in mind. Someone has to change the world. Why not you?”
    “I’ll think about that,” I said, wondering if there was anyone out there who actually understood what I was going through.
    60
    I was adjusting my shoulder pads before Thursdays’ practice when Dennis and Austin came up to me in the locker room.
    “Yo, Bobby Lee!” said Austin, clasping my shoulder. Dennis stood silently by his side. Austin called me that because my mother, who was born in the South, sometimes did. It was a term of endearment, and I usually liked it.
    I liked it less when used by a double-crossing jerk of a best friend.
    “What up?” I replied, focusing on my cleats. There were clumps of dirt in them from the previous day, and I tried poking them out with my fi ngers.
    “Dipshit here has something to say to you,” Austin said, and he sort of pushed Dennis at me. Dennis scowled at him.
    “Monday in the cafeteria. Way out of line,” he said, by way of apology, his eyes averted.
    61
    “Yeah,” I said.