Only Ever Yours

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Authors: Louise O'Neill
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think?”
    I jump to my feet with barely contained anxiety, pacing back and forth. I pull poses in my mirrors, turning to one wall, then the next, reaching into my locker to grab my digi-cam. A foto of me reclining on the bed. A foto of me in high-waisted PVC leggings and a cropped top. A foto of me in a metallic silver bikini.
    “Welcome to Your Face or Mine.”
    “Upload.” I scan the digi-cam barcode against the screen.
    “Complete,” the ePad says. “Would you like to play?”
    The screen splits in two, a face on either side. They look a lot younger, maybe about eight or nine. I don’t recognize them. We try not to pay much attention to the younger eves coming up after us, with their fresher skin and their brighter eyes, snapping at our heels. The one on the left has light brown hair, dip-dyed so that the ends are blond. I prefer the girl on the right, her smile whittling dimples in her smooth black skin and making her bronze eyes glint with naughtiness.
    “You are the first person today to choose thandi as your preference. jessica’s face has been preferred fifty times today.”
    Of course it has.
    I stare at myself in my mirrors, imagining taking a grater to my skin, peeling off the top layer. My bones might be white enough.
    “So after that I experimented with a smoky eye using gold shades. Then I tried a gray smoky eye instead,” daria says as we line up for the BeBetter buffet in the Nutrition Center. “I think it looks better than the normal black smoky eye. I took fotos if you want to see them.”
    “Did you?” megan asks, although daria updated her status on MyFace an hour ago telling us this, accompanied by said fotos. She looks critically at her. “I think I prefer a black smoky eye personally. No offense.”
    She grabs her tray and goes to chastity-anne to collect her meds. daria’s hand darts up as if she’s going to wipe her eyes clean, before she forces her face into a neutral expression.
    “I went on Your Face or Mine today,” I say, watching as megan takes her usual seat and swerves to admire herself in the mirrored wall. “I came in third out of one hundred faces!”
    “That’s great, freida!” cara says, her face lighting up in a genuine smile. “Why didn’t you post it on MyFace?”
    “Probably embarrassed,” jessie cuts in, throwing a dish from the 0-kcal section onto her chipped tray. “I was on Your Face or Mine today too. I didn’t even bother uploading a foto.”
    “Because the fotos were lame,” liz says, lifting the lid of her tureen and gagging at the putrid smell of cabbage soup. “Kids in 8th year don’t count.”
    cara and daria are holding their breath, waiting to see how I’ll respond, but my mind goes blank. The twins snicker as they walk away to join megan.
    “It does too count,” I call after them, hurrying to catch up. They sit next to megan, filling her in on our argument. I can feel my temper start to rise and I breathe deeply to control myself. Only weak girls show emotion.
    “meg, I love that bag.” cara changes the subject hastily as we sit down.
    “Thanks,” megan says, stroking her snake-patterned tote. “It’s only fake though. What do you think, freida?”
    “Yeah. Very nice,” I say, glancing up from my salad.
    “isabel has a clutch, doesn’t she? Real snakeskin, I mean.” megan’s face turns thoughtful when I nod yes. “They are so rare. Where did she get it?”
    I shrug, taking a bite of the tasteless greens. I surreptitiously scan the room till I find her, sitting by chastity-ruth’s desk. All of isabel’s meals are supervised now, yet her body is still swollen beneath her baggy black dress. She’s staring blankly at the solitary apple on her plate.
    “You should prove it, freida,” megan says, catching me off guard.
    “Prove what?”
    “That the results of today’s Your Face or Mine are valid.”
    “How am I supposed to do that?”
    “We’ll have another contest. Tonight.”
    “Where?” jessie asks, shaking her

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