she said, but not soon enough for Lisa to hear her. She had handed the cashier her money and bounced off toward Brittany's table.
Jan ate alone at a table in the far corner of the cafeteria. She felt like a pariah. Well, she deserved to be. If only she had her father's skill with people! He would have sweet-talked Lisa out of her anger. Of course, Dad wouldn't have closed the door in Lisa's face Friday night, either. He had been graceful in social situations. He wouldn't have tromped all over people's feelings the way his daughter did.
That night again Jan couldn't sleep. She pulled on her boots over her bare feet, to protect against any scorpions still aboveground now that the summer's heat had gone, and went out to the barn. The air was thick with the ripe smell of manure and hay and warm horseflesh. Jan breathed deeply, straining to hear in the stillness the sounds of animals muttering and sighing in their sleep. Few things made her feel more peaceful than a barn full of horses at night.
She walked out the door and there was Dove lying under the shed roof at the barn end of his pipe corral. She slipped between the bars and went to him. Normally, he'd get up to greet her as soon as he sensed her presence. Tonight he just lay on his side with his hurt leg stuck at an awkward angle
across his other front leg. She touched his head, afraid that he might not be breathing, but his eyelashes tickled the edge of her palm as he blinked.
"Dove," she said, "Dove, what am I going to do? There's got to be a way to get money for you, if only I could think of it. Too bad you don't have a rich owner. If you were our prime boarder, you'd get that operation." She thought of Mom's leasing idea. Hateful as it might be to share Dove, it
was
a way to bring in money. Tell Mom she'd relented? But even so, they couldn't lease Dove until he was well. First they had to borrow the money for the operation. And who would lend them money if the bank and Grandma wouldn't?
Jan laid her head against Dove's smooth, warm neck and let the tears leak hotly onto him. He took a deep breath and let it out in a shuddering sigh. She closed her eyes wearily and dozed and woke and finally returned to bed.
Mattie and Amelia came walking down the road the next afternoon. With Mattie leading the way, they swerved and came straight to Dove's corral.
"How're you doing?" Mattie asked Jan, who was raking up the soiled shavings. It was a task she should have done that morning. But she'd awakened shivering and headachy, and by the time she'd taken a hot shower and pushed herself through the motions of dressing, she'd barely made the school bus. Then she'd endured another long school day of being one alone among many.
"Not so good," Jan said. She greeted Amelia with a "Hi," and got a wave of the hand in reply.
"When's the operation?" Mattie asked.
"No money. No operation," Jan said. "The bank refused Mom."
"Oh, honey, that's terrible. What are you going to do?"
"I don't know. Kill myself, maybe." Jan spoke without smiling.
"Now, that's no way to sound. There's always something you can do," Mattie said.
Amelia snorted. "When there's no money, there's no money. You should understand that. You gave all yours to your daughter, and now you're stuck rooming with me. Can't even have your own room because she won't pay for it."
"Oh, what do I need my own room for?"
"Because you want it bad. Admit it, Mattie, you know you want it."
"Well, there are other things more important. Besides, what'd you do without me?"
"I'd get along," Amelia said.
"Anyway, I didn't give my daughter everything," Mattie said. "I still have my emerald ring."
"Right, and she's probably aiming to get that away from you as soon as you land in the nursing home or you give her some other excuse to call you incompetent."
"My daughter's not nasty like you make her out to be,"
Mattie said angrily. "She's a good girl, and she and I have always been that close." She held up her crossed fingers to
Jan ate alone at a table in the far corner of the cafeteria. She felt like a pariah. Well, she deserved to be. If only she had her father's skill with people! He would have sweet-talked Lisa out of her anger. Of course, Dad wouldn't have closed the door in Lisa's face Friday night, either. He had been graceful in social situations. He wouldn't have tromped all over people's feelings the way his daughter did.
That night again Jan couldn't sleep. She pulled on her boots over her bare feet, to protect against any scorpions still aboveground now that the summer's heat had gone, and went out to the barn. The air was thick with the ripe smell of manure and hay and warm horseflesh. Jan breathed deeply, straining to hear in the stillness the sounds of animals muttering and sighing in their sleep. Few things made her feel more peaceful than a barn full of horses at night.
She walked out the door and there was Dove lying under the shed roof at the barn end of his pipe corral. She slipped between the bars and went to him. Normally, he'd get up to greet her as soon as he sensed her presence. Tonight he just lay on his side with his hurt leg stuck at an awkward angle
across his other front leg. She touched his head, afraid that he might not be breathing, but his eyelashes tickled the edge of her palm as he blinked.
"Dove," she said, "Dove, what am I going to do? There's got to be a way to get money for you, if only I could think of it. Too bad you don't have a rich owner. If you were our prime boarder, you'd get that operation." She thought of Mom's leasing idea. Hateful as it might be to share Dove, it
was
a way to bring in money. Tell Mom she'd relented? But even so, they couldn't lease Dove until he was well. First they had to borrow the money for the operation. And who would lend them money if the bank and Grandma wouldn't?
Jan laid her head against Dove's smooth, warm neck and let the tears leak hotly onto him. He took a deep breath and let it out in a shuddering sigh. She closed her eyes wearily and dozed and woke and finally returned to bed.
Mattie and Amelia came walking down the road the next afternoon. With Mattie leading the way, they swerved and came straight to Dove's corral.
"How're you doing?" Mattie asked Jan, who was raking up the soiled shavings. It was a task she should have done that morning. But she'd awakened shivering and headachy, and by the time she'd taken a hot shower and pushed herself through the motions of dressing, she'd barely made the school bus. Then she'd endured another long school day of being one alone among many.
"Not so good," Jan said. She greeted Amelia with a "Hi," and got a wave of the hand in reply.
"When's the operation?" Mattie asked.
"No money. No operation," Jan said. "The bank refused Mom."
"Oh, honey, that's terrible. What are you going to do?"
"I don't know. Kill myself, maybe." Jan spoke without smiling.
"Now, that's no way to sound. There's always something you can do," Mattie said.
Amelia snorted. "When there's no money, there's no money. You should understand that. You gave all yours to your daughter, and now you're stuck rooming with me. Can't even have your own room because she won't pay for it."
"Oh, what do I need my own room for?"
"Because you want it bad. Admit it, Mattie, you know you want it."
"Well, there are other things more important. Besides, what'd you do without me?"
"I'd get along," Amelia said.
"Anyway, I didn't give my daughter everything," Mattie said. "I still have my emerald ring."
"Right, and she's probably aiming to get that away from you as soon as you land in the nursing home or you give her some other excuse to call you incompetent."
"My daughter's not nasty like you make her out to be,"
Mattie said angrily. "She's a good girl, and she and I have always been that close." She held up her crossed fingers to
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