Read Online One in Every Crowd by Ivan E. Coyote - Free Book Online
Authors: Ivan E. Coyote
Ads: Link
Cathy solemnly, like she was giving my eulogy.
“I looked like a drag queen.”
Darryl shook his head. “I can’t imagine cousin Ivan in a dress.”
“I can’t imagine calling her Ivan.” Cathy stabbed a bit of broccoli with her fork. “She’ll never be Ivan to me. That’s just, like, your writing name, right? Nobody actually calls you Ivan in person, do they?”
Cathy asks me this, even though the entire table had been calling me Ivan all night. I stopped using my birth name over a decade ago, but Cathy likes to pretend she doesn’t know this because it makes her uncomfortable. I love her enough to allow her this tiny corner of cozy denial, and my continued silence on the matter helps to hold up my half of her little charade.
I have lots of people who call me Ivan. I only have the one Aunt Cathy. She has never understood why I changed my name, or why I vote NDP. I’ve never understood why she collects Santa Claus dolls, or how she can smoke menthols. It doesn’t mean we love each other any the less for it.
“I’ve always called Ivan Ivan,” states cousin Darryl, God bless him. No wonder everyone thinks he’s gay.
“Are we allowed to have dessert?” squeaks second cousin Rachael.
“Anybody want to try a prawn? Going, going, gone.” Rob speaks around a mouthful of his dinner.
“Don’t chew and talk at the same time, Robert. You’ll set a bad example. There are children present.” Cathy half-feigns disgust and backhands her husband in the upper arm, right where his shirtsleeve stopped and his tanline started. This signaled the official change of subject.
“Set a bad example for little Rachael?” Rob smirks, rubbing his arm where she had whacked him one. “It’s already too late for Rachael, too late for all of them. I saw it on the Learning Channel. A child’s personality is fully formed by the time they turn three. We might as well relax and let it all hang loose. The kid is already who she’s gonna be, all we can do now is love her. It’s out of our hands.”
Rob leans across the table to pinch one of my fries. “Did Garth tell you him and Allison are getting hitched in Fiji? Cath and I are going. You and your lovely lady friend should come too. I’ll rent us a boat and we can go fishing. The wedding is still over a year away, so start saving up. Maybe even Darryl will have a girlfriend by then, and we’ll all go. A family that fishes together stays together, isn’t that what they say? And you two girls would love Fiji. It’s the perfect place for you, really: it’s beautiful there, and the policemen wear skirts.”
To Whom It May Concern:
I DON’T WANT TO SOUND LIKE SOMEONE’S GRANDMOTHER or anything here, but really, would it be so hard to pick up a phone and call? You don’t even have to call me, just call anyone, your brother, your dad, any of us, just to let us know that you are alive. We all talk, you see, hoping that one of us has seen you, or heard word, or even heard a rumour.
I’m not even the worrying kind, you know me, I get really busy too and forget to keep in touch and miss my cousin’s birthday or whatever, just like everyone else, and I’m definitely not usually the type to get on anyone’s case for stuff like this. It’s just that the last time I saw you, you had lost about thirty-five pounds and the crystal meth was starting to turn your back teeth black, and the newspapers and the streets are full of stories about irreversible brain damage and psych wards brimming with lost souls stricken by this addiction, and, well, I worry. It’s not like you’re backpacking in Europe and just forgot to send a postcard. I don’t care about broken promises or the money you owe anyone. I do care that your brother and your dad spent another Christmas wondering where you were, and that they are running out of reasons you haven’t seen your niece and nephew. I can’t help but care about that, but even that I would let slide.
Some guy asked me for change outside
“I looked like a drag queen.”
Darryl shook his head. “I can’t imagine cousin Ivan in a dress.”
“I can’t imagine calling her Ivan.” Cathy stabbed a bit of broccoli with her fork. “She’ll never be Ivan to me. That’s just, like, your writing name, right? Nobody actually calls you Ivan in person, do they?”
Cathy asks me this, even though the entire table had been calling me Ivan all night. I stopped using my birth name over a decade ago, but Cathy likes to pretend she doesn’t know this because it makes her uncomfortable. I love her enough to allow her this tiny corner of cozy denial, and my continued silence on the matter helps to hold up my half of her little charade.
I have lots of people who call me Ivan. I only have the one Aunt Cathy. She has never understood why I changed my name, or why I vote NDP. I’ve never understood why she collects Santa Claus dolls, or how she can smoke menthols. It doesn’t mean we love each other any the less for it.
“I’ve always called Ivan Ivan,” states cousin Darryl, God bless him. No wonder everyone thinks he’s gay.
“Are we allowed to have dessert?” squeaks second cousin Rachael.
“Anybody want to try a prawn? Going, going, gone.” Rob speaks around a mouthful of his dinner.
“Don’t chew and talk at the same time, Robert. You’ll set a bad example. There are children present.” Cathy half-feigns disgust and backhands her husband in the upper arm, right where his shirtsleeve stopped and his tanline started. This signaled the official change of subject.
“Set a bad example for little Rachael?” Rob smirks, rubbing his arm where she had whacked him one. “It’s already too late for Rachael, too late for all of them. I saw it on the Learning Channel. A child’s personality is fully formed by the time they turn three. We might as well relax and let it all hang loose. The kid is already who she’s gonna be, all we can do now is love her. It’s out of our hands.”
Rob leans across the table to pinch one of my fries. “Did Garth tell you him and Allison are getting hitched in Fiji? Cath and I are going. You and your lovely lady friend should come too. I’ll rent us a boat and we can go fishing. The wedding is still over a year away, so start saving up. Maybe even Darryl will have a girlfriend by then, and we’ll all go. A family that fishes together stays together, isn’t that what they say? And you two girls would love Fiji. It’s the perfect place for you, really: it’s beautiful there, and the policemen wear skirts.”
To Whom It May Concern:
I DON’T WANT TO SOUND LIKE SOMEONE’S GRANDMOTHER or anything here, but really, would it be so hard to pick up a phone and call? You don’t even have to call me, just call anyone, your brother, your dad, any of us, just to let us know that you are alive. We all talk, you see, hoping that one of us has seen you, or heard word, or even heard a rumour.
I’m not even the worrying kind, you know me, I get really busy too and forget to keep in touch and miss my cousin’s birthday or whatever, just like everyone else, and I’m definitely not usually the type to get on anyone’s case for stuff like this. It’s just that the last time I saw you, you had lost about thirty-five pounds and the crystal meth was starting to turn your back teeth black, and the newspapers and the streets are full of stories about irreversible brain damage and psych wards brimming with lost souls stricken by this addiction, and, well, I worry. It’s not like you’re backpacking in Europe and just forgot to send a postcard. I don’t care about broken promises or the money you owe anyone. I do care that your brother and your dad spent another Christmas wondering where you were, and that they are running out of reasons you haven’t seen your niece and nephew. I can’t help but care about that, but even that I would let slide.
Some guy asked me for change outside
Similar Books
