Read Online Of Love & Regret by S. H. Kolee - Free Book Online Page A

I paired it
with a denim jacket in case it got a little chilly later, and anxiously waited in
the living room for Logan to pick me up. I dreaded seeing Mrs. Brooks today,
but felt that it was my duty. For a large part of my life, Mrs. Brooks had been
like a mother to me and had taken me under her wing. She had been the one to
take me to buy my first bra and explained that I wasn’t bleeding to death when
I got my period at an early age. She had always been a happy and cheerful woman—a
social butterfly who made friends easily and doted on her daughter. Cassie’s
death had changed all that. She was a shell of the woman she had once been,
refusing to accept her daughter’s death. In rare times of lucidity, she
acknowledged the fact that Cassie was no longer alive, but I couldn’t remember
the last time that had happened. Most of her waking hours were spent waiting
for Cassie to come back home.
    Mr. Brooks was a
patient and kind man, but I didn’t know if he was helping matters by playing
along with her fantasies. He was loathe to shatter her happiness, regardless of
it being based on an illusion, and kept up the farce that Cassie would come through
the front door at any moment. I had attempted to speak to him once in the past
about seeking mental help for Mrs. Brooks. He had gently but firmly shut that
idea down. I had never brought it up again since it wasn’t any of my business, but
as the years passed, it was getting harder and harder to visit them because I didn’t
know how long I could participate in this lie. I wished I could celebrate the
life Cassie had lived and spend her birthday remembering the amazing person she
had been, instead of taking part in a pretense that honored no one.
    This wasn’t the
first year Logan had come with me since we had reconnected. He had accompanied
me last year as well, even though we hadn’t been that close then. I think he
had come because he wanted to pay his respects to Cassie’s parents, but he had
been shocked by Mrs. Brooks’ condition. I had warned him about it, but nothing
can really prepare you for having to pretend that someone dead is still alive.
I had pleaded with him to play along because anything that dispelled the notion
that Cassie was still alive made Mrs. Brooks go off the deep end. Logan had
been reluctant, but in the end he had played his part in the morbid charade.
    The buzzer
sounded, indicating Logan’s arrival, and I pushed the depressing thoughts from
my mind. I pressed the button of the intercom and told him I would be right
down. I grabbed my purse and the bouquet of white lilies that I had purchased
earlier, and hurried down the stairs. Logan was standing outside by the front
door, and I gave him a quick hug. I was too anxious to think about the feelings
that had bubbled to the surface when I had hugged him the other night. Today’s
hug felt strictly platonic, and I was relieved by that realization.
    We got into his
Range Rover that was double-parked and I started fiddling with the radio until
I settled on an alternative station. I rolled down my window, wishing that we
were going on a fun day trip instead of to Laurenston. Logan glanced at me
before turning his attention back to the road.
    “How are you
feeling?” he asked.
    “Okay,” I replied,
not wanting to dwell on my anxiety. There would be enough time for that later at
the Brooks’ house. “Thanks for coming with me today.”
    “Of course,” he
replied. We were silent for a few moments as he navigated the busy streets of
Chicago.
    “How was your date
with Ella on Tuesday?” I asked, breaking the silence. “Did you swear your
everlasting love to her and ask her to be yours and yours only?” My tone was
light and joking, but I was aware of how tense I was as I waited for his
answer. We had communicated much less than usual this past week, and I hadn’t
had a chance to broach the subject yet.
    Logan gave me a
sardonic smile. “Considering I broke up with her, that would be a