he couldn’t deny that the tremor coursing through him was more than an idle premonition. It was as if the mood of the world had changed or the air molecules were bunching up and crowding in on him. He’d felt that way before—in moments of despair, but also in moments of wild but unrealistic hope. Like the time his computer science teacher had asked, “Have you ever thought about college, boy?” The question had caused the atmospheric molecules to shift and part, and Le Roy had seen a path to a different future, a path that lingered in his imagination long after the teacher forgot all about the college talk. He didn’t meet anyone so optimistic about his future again until that army recruiter had said, “You interested in computers, son? Damn right we can teach you that.”
It was better to laugh it off. It was better to say, “Fuck that shit” and go about his business. It was better to be the one who said the words that got other people all riled up than to be the one who took the words on board and started to hope. Meanwhile, he had E’Laine, who was a whole hell of a lot steadier than Pig Eye’s wife, even if Pig Eye’s wife was smoking hot. E’Laine would be there for him when he got home. One hundred percent she would be there waiting. Whether it was tomorrow or a year from tomorrow or a year or two years after that, she’d be waiting for him with one of her special recipes sizzling on the stove and a cold beer in the fridge and an eternal flame of love for Le Roy Jones keeping vigil in her heart. Meanwhile, he didn’t mind finding his fun where he could get it. Meanwhile, he told Hernandez he’d better get someone to check on Maya and his little boy, and then he whispered, “Slave labor” into Garcia’s ear.
“It sure don’t seem fair,” said Garcia.
“Now we’ll see who the real men are,” said Harraday, who, along with Kelly, had transferred in from a combat unit and who never smiled except when he was telling stories about his old team and the fun they’d had until he’d gotten into trouble for something he said he preferred not to talk about but hinted at anyway now and then. But now even Harraday’s shoulders sagged, and suddenly Le Roy’s heart wasn’t in it. Still, he passed the news to a few more men and had to laugh at how their eyes went dark and their faces started to smolder. He had to fucking laugh because it all depended on what you meant by “fair.” And then he was thinking about E’Laine again and seeing her as she would be when he told her he wasn’t coming home, not yet anyway. She would cry. He could see it clear as the dragon tattoo on his arm: the softening of her features, the downturn of her mouth, the leaking of her eyes the way they had leaked the day she drove him to the airport, acting like it was his last day on earth.
And then his heart was in it, even though it wasn’t funny anymore— because it wasn’t funny and because he was feeling the rage spiking out of Kelly and the panic from Pig Eye and feeling a slow, sure burn in his own guts as well.
2.5 Pig Eye
W hen the commotion broke out, Pig Eye had been thinking about his wife Emmie. He alternated between thinking she was unfaithful to him and thinking she wasn’t—but if she wasn’t, why not? She was beautiful, while he was short and funny looking. Even though Emmie had only had drug-dealer boyfriends before meeting Pig Eye three years before, he knew he didn’t deserve her. But whenever he said, “Why do you love me when you could have anyone?” she would reply, “You might be small, darlin’, but you’re all muscle.” Or she might say, “Every girl needs a superhero, and baby, you’re mine.”
Pig Eye ran a car repair shop with his buddy Earl, and when he left, Earl promised he would prioritize diligent bookkeeping and quality control exactly the way Pig Eye always had, but now he wondered if Earl was cheating him moneywise or if he was prioritizing Emmie behind his back. In her
It was better to laugh it off. It was better to say, “Fuck that shit” and go about his business. It was better to be the one who said the words that got other people all riled up than to be the one who took the words on board and started to hope. Meanwhile, he had E’Laine, who was a whole hell of a lot steadier than Pig Eye’s wife, even if Pig Eye’s wife was smoking hot. E’Laine would be there for him when he got home. One hundred percent she would be there waiting. Whether it was tomorrow or a year from tomorrow or a year or two years after that, she’d be waiting for him with one of her special recipes sizzling on the stove and a cold beer in the fridge and an eternal flame of love for Le Roy Jones keeping vigil in her heart. Meanwhile, he didn’t mind finding his fun where he could get it. Meanwhile, he told Hernandez he’d better get someone to check on Maya and his little boy, and then he whispered, “Slave labor” into Garcia’s ear.
“It sure don’t seem fair,” said Garcia.
“Now we’ll see who the real men are,” said Harraday, who, along with Kelly, had transferred in from a combat unit and who never smiled except when he was telling stories about his old team and the fun they’d had until he’d gotten into trouble for something he said he preferred not to talk about but hinted at anyway now and then. But now even Harraday’s shoulders sagged, and suddenly Le Roy’s heart wasn’t in it. Still, he passed the news to a few more men and had to laugh at how their eyes went dark and their faces started to smolder. He had to fucking laugh because it all depended on what you meant by “fair.” And then he was thinking about E’Laine again and seeing her as she would be when he told her he wasn’t coming home, not yet anyway. She would cry. He could see it clear as the dragon tattoo on his arm: the softening of her features, the downturn of her mouth, the leaking of her eyes the way they had leaked the day she drove him to the airport, acting like it was his last day on earth.
And then his heart was in it, even though it wasn’t funny anymore— because it wasn’t funny and because he was feeling the rage spiking out of Kelly and the panic from Pig Eye and feeling a slow, sure burn in his own guts as well.
2.5 Pig Eye
W hen the commotion broke out, Pig Eye had been thinking about his wife Emmie. He alternated between thinking she was unfaithful to him and thinking she wasn’t—but if she wasn’t, why not? She was beautiful, while he was short and funny looking. Even though Emmie had only had drug-dealer boyfriends before meeting Pig Eye three years before, he knew he didn’t deserve her. But whenever he said, “Why do you love me when you could have anyone?” she would reply, “You might be small, darlin’, but you’re all muscle.” Or she might say, “Every girl needs a superhero, and baby, you’re mine.”
Pig Eye ran a car repair shop with his buddy Earl, and when he left, Earl promised he would prioritize diligent bookkeeping and quality control exactly the way Pig Eye always had, but now he wondered if Earl was cheating him moneywise or if he was prioritizing Emmie behind his back. In her
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