Read Online Nobody Loves a Bigfoot Like a Bigfoot Babe by Simon Okill - Free Book Online
Authors: Simon Okill
Tags: bigfoot
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your fault he likes to pretend to be abducted," Rose accused, wagging her tiny finger at her husband.
Walt grunted his disapproval at being reprimanded by his wife in front of Sheriff Lou. He clenched his fists.
"The problem with the world today is that parents have got to be ever so nice to their kids. In my day my father wouldn't stand for half the crap that Beau has put us through," Walt stated with a glare.
Rose placed her coffee cup and saucer on a side table and jumped to her feet. She marched up and stood facing her husband. She started to prod him forcefully in his excessively hairy chest with her tiny finger.
Walt didn't raise a hand to stop his wife; he just grimaced and took it like a bowl of quivering jelly.
Everyone, including Sheriff Lou, knew he had never raised a hand to his wife and never would, but she had listened many times to Walt bragging at Abe's Bar and Grill how he wore the trousers in his home.
"Now, now mother, you know how I feel about you prodding your finger into my chest," Walt said with a nervous smile.
Rose continued to prod, exclaiming, "Don't you now-now-mother me, Walt Flucker, you useless good-for-nothing. Beau is only taking after you. How many times have you claimed to be abducted by Bigfoot?" She stood back a pace with hands on hips.
"Can't rightly say offhand . . . but I was," Walt replied indignantly. He pleaded to Lou with hand on heart. "I was genuinely abducted by Bigfoot, not to mention these tall, blond aliens from the planet Abba."
"Yeah, yeah . . . so you've said as often as I dared to listen." Lou sounded irritated.
"I know you don't believe me sheriff, but it's the God's honest truth . . . I was abducted by aliens. The females had long blond hair . . . very Swedish in appearance. They were slender, young and beautiful, with soft hands and supple bodies with perky breasts with upright nipples. And there was this one overweight male alien who looked exactly like Elvis, who told me he actually was Elvis, and that they had sent Elvis' clone back to earth so nobody would notice his abduction." Walt paused and looked thoughtful for a moment or two. "The females would do anything I wanted them to do, sex-wise." He started to grin at the lewd thoughts invading his mind. "Their sexual parts were right where they should have been, and like the saying goes, if the hat fitsâwear it."
Rose punched him in the arm. "Jesus, Walt . . . is that all you can think about . . . S. E. X.?"
Walt gave a snigger. "Not all the time, Rose, darling, love bud of my life . . . sometimes, as you know, I ponder the fate of mankind and the consequences of global warming."
Lou had spent just about enough time as she dared with Beau's parents, realizing they were not taking his disappearance seriously. She handed her empty cup and saucer to Rose as she got up from the sofa.
"Well, the FBI has been contacted. If Beau hasn't turned up by tomorrow, they'll be sending two agents from the Sacramento Field Office to help us with our investigations."
"Shit," Walt said, mimicking awe. "The FBI are coming." He shook his head with dismay. "Whoever they'll send won't be able to find the whereabouts of a missing toilet roll even if it was shoved up their tight asses."
Lou didn't reply to Walt's crude remark. "I'll keep you both informed of my investigations."
Rose nodded her head politely, "Thank you, dear."
Walt shook his head and grimaced. "F-B-I," he slowly sounded the letters with a disgusted snarl on his lips. "Feeble-Brained Idiots. Shit, that's all we need."
It was no secret to Lou that Walt had a strong contempt for the FBI, mainly due to the Bureau's reluctance to believe he had been abducted by aliens. She hoped that there would be no reason for FBI agents to come to Big Beaver. That Beau would show up before they did.
"Talking of idiots, that reminds meâyou had the DNA results back on the Phantom Bigfoot Bather Case yet?" Walt asked.
Oh yeah, she had the results back, thought Lou.
Walt grunted his disapproval at being reprimanded by his wife in front of Sheriff Lou. He clenched his fists.
"The problem with the world today is that parents have got to be ever so nice to their kids. In my day my father wouldn't stand for half the crap that Beau has put us through," Walt stated with a glare.
Rose placed her coffee cup and saucer on a side table and jumped to her feet. She marched up and stood facing her husband. She started to prod him forcefully in his excessively hairy chest with her tiny finger.
Walt didn't raise a hand to stop his wife; he just grimaced and took it like a bowl of quivering jelly.
Everyone, including Sheriff Lou, knew he had never raised a hand to his wife and never would, but she had listened many times to Walt bragging at Abe's Bar and Grill how he wore the trousers in his home.
"Now, now mother, you know how I feel about you prodding your finger into my chest," Walt said with a nervous smile.
Rose continued to prod, exclaiming, "Don't you now-now-mother me, Walt Flucker, you useless good-for-nothing. Beau is only taking after you. How many times have you claimed to be abducted by Bigfoot?" She stood back a pace with hands on hips.
"Can't rightly say offhand . . . but I was," Walt replied indignantly. He pleaded to Lou with hand on heart. "I was genuinely abducted by Bigfoot, not to mention these tall, blond aliens from the planet Abba."
"Yeah, yeah . . . so you've said as often as I dared to listen." Lou sounded irritated.
"I know you don't believe me sheriff, but it's the God's honest truth . . . I was abducted by aliens. The females had long blond hair . . . very Swedish in appearance. They were slender, young and beautiful, with soft hands and supple bodies with perky breasts with upright nipples. And there was this one overweight male alien who looked exactly like Elvis, who told me he actually was Elvis, and that they had sent Elvis' clone back to earth so nobody would notice his abduction." Walt paused and looked thoughtful for a moment or two. "The females would do anything I wanted them to do, sex-wise." He started to grin at the lewd thoughts invading his mind. "Their sexual parts were right where they should have been, and like the saying goes, if the hat fitsâwear it."
Rose punched him in the arm. "Jesus, Walt . . . is that all you can think about . . . S. E. X.?"
Walt gave a snigger. "Not all the time, Rose, darling, love bud of my life . . . sometimes, as you know, I ponder the fate of mankind and the consequences of global warming."
Lou had spent just about enough time as she dared with Beau's parents, realizing they were not taking his disappearance seriously. She handed her empty cup and saucer to Rose as she got up from the sofa.
"Well, the FBI has been contacted. If Beau hasn't turned up by tomorrow, they'll be sending two agents from the Sacramento Field Office to help us with our investigations."
"Shit," Walt said, mimicking awe. "The FBI are coming." He shook his head with dismay. "Whoever they'll send won't be able to find the whereabouts of a missing toilet roll even if it was shoved up their tight asses."
Lou didn't reply to Walt's crude remark. "I'll keep you both informed of my investigations."
Rose nodded her head politely, "Thank you, dear."
Walt shook his head and grimaced. "F-B-I," he slowly sounded the letters with a disgusted snarl on his lips. "Feeble-Brained Idiots. Shit, that's all we need."
It was no secret to Lou that Walt had a strong contempt for the FBI, mainly due to the Bureau's reluctance to believe he had been abducted by aliens. She hoped that there would be no reason for FBI agents to come to Big Beaver. That Beau would show up before they did.
"Talking of idiots, that reminds meâyou had the DNA results back on the Phantom Bigfoot Bather Case yet?" Walt asked.
Oh yeah, she had the results back, thought Lou.
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